suppose to go for blood test tdy after work but i totally forgotten. jus like what i wanted..once done.. game over. left the ward almost immediately.

tmr must make sure to go to the clinic to have my blood taken.

work was smooth.. but somehow.. pple still want to double check my work.. don;t believe me is it? go ahead.. question me.. double check my work .. i can wait.

so tired..................

morning shift almost everyday till saturday. morning shift the toughest.

but i must make sure not to make any mistakes.. medication error, documentation and so on. don;t let anyone bully me.

work fast but must be thorough.. alert and consistent. make sure to manage my time well. make sure my juniors got to get to for their breaks.

i don't eat also never mind. i will not complaint. finish work nice nice..
pass over and go home.

peace.

i do not have my mobile in my pockets while at work, so the first thing i do whenever i go for my break is to reach for my mobile to check for messages.

this morning i rec'd 2 smses, one said sorry to hear abt my pt's passing on.. and the second was "my dear,how's the tension at work ? tell me later when u're free " it almost made me cry.. quietly and quickly left the ward, for my break at the kopitiam instead of ta-pau-ing it up. spend some quiet time at the corner with my music and new paper. really need a break from the ward. not that i hate the pple i am working with today. it's just that i don't like the way they talk to me. i know that i might have done something wrong or they just don't like the way i am.. i don;t know..
we can always talk nicely.. there's no need to shout and throw things, showing temper in front of patients. at times, i felt that i was being bullied..no respect, and i felt very "small" , i felt there's generation gap among us (majority 10yrs my jr).. but it's alright. i shall stay calm and not fight back.. something which i don't do in public. and it's not my style. sometimes, keeping quiet would do some good. And so, i did just that this morning at work. Kept to myself most of time, talk when necessary ..

(they actually looked for me.. during my break. wondering where i've been... )

i did not reply to the sms till we met later in the evening, and by then, i totally forgotten all about the tension i had with the pple around me. never in past working experience, had anyone shouted at me. totally shocked.
the sms did mean a lot to me at that moment. though i do confide with my other colleagues.. but i can't show them how depressed i was. their words did hurt a little but i can't cry. i felt disappointed and angry at the same time too. told myself that i must be strong. i had to.

i felt better knowing he cares, .. and it's all because of him that i am able to be strong and face the challenges (but mostly, shit) .. emotionally and mentally. i am not alone.

Finally, i finished with that incident report, submitted and now jus have to wait for pple up there to discuss and feedback. surely kena marked liao.

then after work, decided to go break free .. went to PartyWorld at Yishun Safra, happy hours with Marichelle.

then kev came.

went to watch Bourne Ultimatum.
RAte: 4/5 ( would have been 5/5, but i slept during some exciting parts)

last friday, watched Rush Hour 3.
RAte: 4/5 (didn't sleep, funny but not so exciting, same kind of fighting.. but the jokes, best!)

But the best movie so far i've watched this mth, was FlashPoint. Rate: 5/5 ( never blink eyes .. mouth open big big.. handsome actors.. fighting, best!)

the patient died..

on my last night, about 2am, my colleague came to me .. said that the patient requested to speak to his son. cos he said that he's dying.. i said ok .. let's call him up but most of my colleagues were against my decision. it was too late to call the family.. and anyway, the patient always request for the same thing almost everyday. so we all chose to ignore.

the patient, was planned to be discharged today, saturday .. either back home or hospice. i was looking forward to see him after my 2 days off, but only to find out that he had passed away.

maybe, he knew that there's no one at home waiting for him since his wife is currently lying at SGH. and he knew that he's condition couldn't take him any further.

this is the same patient, i made that medication error. the one that i had to write up the incident report, which till now.. i have yet to complete. I hope my error did not contribute to his death.

i regret not calling his son on the night he requested for it. i should have just gone with my gut feelings.. and not listen to my colleagues. :(

so i decided to pack my stuff.. dumped my bag in the locker and ran 2 rounds around yishun park. and now i am sleepy... kev on his way home from SIM, will be home anytime now.

Oh, i have a new neighbour. chinese. with 1 kid. a granny. a dog.
met up with the couple, eric and evan, but never the dog. the dog's sharp and loud bark simply irritates me. somehow, the owner knew and apologise. told them i got cats and apparently they knew too. but don;t think they know how many i have, hehehe..

today i finally get to see their pet doggy.. .. it appeared at their front door balcony gate..barking at me.. then someone say shhhhh!! and then shut the door.
ha!
It is smaller that a standard small sized cute sort of doggy ..
but one thing very certain.. my cats are bigger .. and also, my cats fiercer ... my cats' paws more solid. think i better get a pet insurance, just in case .. my cats attack poor doggy.

Actually, I don't mind dogs.. bigger better.. small ones very irritating..they too hyper... run here.. run there.. not direction one. bark here and there.. don;t know what they want .. noisy! i hope i will not accidently kick it ..

kevin's back.. gonna sleep early..

oh... i jus realised that kevin got class tonight :(
now i really don;t know what to do.. i thot that would be seeing him like right now..
but NO!!!! he'll be back at 11.

guess.. i eat alone, don;t have to open mouth today..no one to talk to..
self talk with blogger .. sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
but don;t think i can stay quiet very long with my lappy.........

hmmm... let's see.. maybe now i go get towel.. take a stroll through the parks to go safra.. then dip dip.. then chomp chomp.. then walk walk again..

ok set... got my music to accompany me...and nice weather.. BEST ..!

(sometimes.. it feels great to be all alone once a while (kev's alone time always spent at sentosa on his off days while i at work )... but then.. being alone.. too much self talk and think too much, flashbacks of some good old happy sad bitter sweet sour tasteless.. memories.. .. some make me smile , some can make me cry.. , i like actually.. to have that a little time to be all by myself)

arghhhh... i overslept!!!! not that i have anything to do or have i missed anything.. the whole afternoon almost gone.. and i do nothing, but sleep, which i actually need but don't want. my mind telling me go out .. do something, but my body wants to rest.. but my stomach complaining of hunger....

at safra this morning, when i registered the 12km fun run for kevin, the recept lady asked whyi looking so sad and tired..
sad..? yeah.. there are so many reason why i was and still feeling sad about..

tired.. ? cos i walked around looking for provision shop selling towels!!!

told her that i want towel.. !!! she said go to provision shop outside the club.. cheap cheap one.. i said to her i already did that .. but shops not open yet.. i was hoping that she could spare me one towel.. compliments from the club.. from their gym or got sell... some thing like that.. as long as i can go play water!!!

now waiting for kevin to come home.. yeah!!!

hungry..

i don't care. i left the ward without telling her. She wanted me to stay behind after my night duty to finish up with that e-hor ( occurance report) aka incident report. i really don't care... i am tired. i have been not leaving on the dot for the past 2 days .. i am tired. tired of everything and everyone.

yesterday.. i left the ward at 10am .. trying to finish up with that stupid report, but still not completed.. more to do still..but i had to stop cos my eyes couldn't take it anymore. tired and hungry..

was so tired that i missed my stop. boarded the train.. closed eyes.. open eyes.. i saw AMK Hub.. close eyes again cos till got 2 more stations to go.. jus when i opened my eyes again.. ting tong..doors closing.. I missed my stop.. sigh* closed eyes again cos the next stop quite far... then... "ting tong.. doors closing.." oh shit!! not again!!! got up ..stood by the exit door.. alight at next station, waited for another train across the platform .. this time.. making sure that my eyes open big big. if i were to.. open close , open close eyes..again and missed my stop and kept crossing platforms .. like pin ball, i'll never get home.., i might as well just sit and sleep in the train..

that was yesterday..

the day before.. also left the ward at 10plus.. but not that too tired. went to eat breakfast at Northpoint, went straight home.. but couldn't really sleep much.. but jus enough .. 4 hrs.
no wonder.. yesterday .. a bit stoned.

i thought today, since i left earlier.. i could go for a dip dip at safra swim pool. initially the weather was jus perfect.. no sun.. i like.. cannot get dark.. so happy .. but then, something struck me... i've forgotten to bring my bath towel!!! Ala.... wat a waste of time!!! Aiyah... why?!!! brought everything but towel!!! walk shiok shiok ... along the reservior , up the park .. with music and the nice weather.. how come... i can forget my towel!!! Fated to go home .. sad.. don't like to be home alone.. hate to sleep.. it's simply a waste of time.

Anyway.. on my way home.. ... dark clouds took over the sky.. and it started to drizzle and it got heavy... wah.. lagi happy!!! play in the rain ... shiok!!!! walk slowly .. enjoy.. the rain , my music .. very cold... but shiok. Best!! ... yoohoo!!!

maybe later see how.. if weather good.. either go run or swim...

as for now.. i find food .. then sleep.

28 July : Overnite BBQ at Aloha Changi

Post-bbq.. Faris and me were discussing.. while clearing up the mess and till last nite before i left for night duty that, we should make another party and the next time...there will be lesser food but more playtime.. and we are thinking of Sentosa. No bbq, but catered food instead.

First of all, Alhamdullilah, the weather was very kind to us. The heavy rain stopped when we reached there at 1430hrs, drizzling only, unload some stuff and Kev had to leave to fetch our 2nd load of stuff from his parents. And after that, he left again.. back home to get the DVD- Karaoke player with subwoofer and speakers (but somehow the system does not sound as good as it is at home). I can't remember how many trips he made to and fro .. as I was busy with the final preparation.. Fried Bihun, sting ray wraps, prawn wraps, kebak sticks and baked potatoes. . almost had panic attack.. so litte time .. so many things had to be done..

About 6pm, the first 2 guests came.. Theresa and Jerene.. Kev's colleague. . At that time.. paiseh still in my shorts. Quickly got changed before many other guests arrived and mistaken me for a maid. Soon after.. streams of people came.. mostly Kevin's colleagues and friends whom some were unfamiliar to him. But we welcomed them anyway.. really felt good when word of mouth reaches to those who heard and turned up unexpectedly. Very greatful and many heartfelt thank you to all who came and to those who tried to come but cannot make it.

There were many cars pulling up at the entrance, and we had to lookout to see who just arrived. If it's chinese.. then it's Kevin's side.. and if it's non-chinese.. then, it was like a guessing game.. " Who's guest? When he asked me.. i said i don't know. Then i had to asked those around .. I can't recognise and don't know who..

invited some old secondary school friends.. posted my invitation at the forum.. so some of those who came .. either i don't know them at all... or i can't recognised them cos they have all changed.

I was worried that i was not able to entertain my guests .. Running, Skipping and rolling from unit A to unit C, wanting to make sure that everyone's ok and comfortable, had their food and drinks.. and having a wonderful time, jus as much as i enjoyed every minute of it. ME tired .. not at all..

It was really an overnite BBQ .. still having pple to eat in-between games after midnight onwards. Some of Kevin's friends were looking forward for some mahjong and card games.. but can't do much of that cos the food takes time to be cooked and we actually started the fire a little too late but it was alright... everything went well .. and everybody enjoyed the food..

We started clearing up when everyone asleep . That was all.. we left the place at 10am.

As we reached Yishun, it began to rain. Unload the leftovers and stuff.. and now the house is in a big mess. Not tidying it up cos.. too tired, got to sleep.. to prepare to stay up again .. night shift for the next 3 days.

Jus returned from nite duty today and i am still feeling fresh..