the clock strikes midnight... as the dream slips through your head... this is no dress rehearsal... there is no second chance...

Monday, February 07, 2011

Beta Hcg due today and the result ....


Positive vibes was felt all the way till the day 16 post transfer, 1-day before my BHcg test, i got my period. Full blown period. It came so right on the spot on day 16! My feelings were telling me it's going to be a failure. Why? Because it a full blown period! it was not spotting, it was not dark red or dark brown. It was heavy fresh blood!!!! (sorry,too much info)
A few days back i got symptoms of AF coming- back pain, left- right abdo cramps, but i brushed them aside, thinking it was a good sign to have some pain which can mean that the muscles in my uterus and surrounding it are contracting and expanding to make room for my embbies. I was also looking forward to some kind of discharges, they called it implantation spotting/bleed. But NO! there wasn't any but all-time whitish discharges which gave me an indication that my period was due to come anytime... ( sorry again for TMI) and it chose to come on 1-day before my blood test- day 16, yesterday at 4.30pm. How disappointing!

At KKIVF this morning, told the nurse of my period... and the look on her face changed and trying to empathized with me, asked me if i have frozen embryos... oh ... on hearing that, i think i don't have to go through this blood test and i knew what the result would be. How negative i was!

At 11am, the nurse called to inform me of my result. It's a Big Fat Negative. I thanked her and ended the call. Felt nothing until i started to share the news to some important friends and family members via SMS. No way i could make the calls. And that was when i cried buckets!

Life still must go on... getting back to work tomorrow. I have 3 frozen embryos stored somewhere in that fridge!

What might have gone wrong??? And what should i do differently for my 2nd ivf?

Didn't have rested enough?
Keep housework to the minimalist.
Consult TCM.
Do Acupuncture.


My next step : appt with my consultant on 22 Feb. Get appt for 2nd ivf .

next next step : maybe plan for short break before 2nd ivf.

One thing for sure now that I do NOT wish to sell MY Bicycle, in case 2nd ivf fails again.