Vicious Rumours

End of my IVF journey

2011-05-05T14:28:00.003+08:00

It's negative with beta results less than 1.7 , according to the nurse over the phone. Not much info was given... just " sorry, you take care. We'll fix an appointment with your Dr ... blah blah blah... "

Very sad even though I was very prepared with the outcome.

What happened? I don't know. And I think the Dr may not be able to explain too.

I can only conclude one thing based on how i felt during my 2 weeks wait...
the cramps, pins and needles, aches, and no sign of breast swelling might be signs and symptoms of BFN.

Into my Day 11 post FET

2011-04-29T10:44:00.004+08:00

My 2nd attempt on IVF done naturally. My 3 frozen embryos survived the thawing and transfered all 3. Graded 2,3 and 4. My blood test will be on 3 May. Hope it will work this time.

I would say that this frozen cycle is much easier and less stressful as compared to fresh transfer. I have no major pains, bloatedness or even soreness. Not too sure whether or not any of it was a good/bad sign. However, initially, there were cramps over where the ovaries are , and back pain. I have no signs of AF coming too, maybe because of the progesterone pessaries. I read that the pessaries may likely to cause delay or even prevent AF from coming. No matter how much this cycle may seem easier, it still drives me crazy thinking if the implantation is working, whether the embryos are sticking on it or are they still alive from day 1.

I prayed very hard for this project to work. For the 1st 3 days, I restrict my hyperactive behaviour to the minimalist. Stayed in bed and had almost everything I need around me. I am really having good rest at my sister's place during this 2 weeks wait till this weekend. Kevin has been very supportive, allowing me to be away from home during this period. He must have miss me a lot ! He came to visit, took me out for movie once and to the shopping mall. I have the company of my nieces and nephew. I watched the hilarious comedy " the big bang theory" - and finished watching the whole of their 3 seasons. Oh, if any of my embies survived, I don't mind if my kid turns out to be a genius like Dr Seldon :D

I went to work on Day 9 post FET, i was not happy about it of course, but I had no choice. Nobody at work cared I supposed ( except for Ruby, Efiea, Jessie and Zee Ying).

Since I do not have any signs of AF or any implantation bleeding as many others ivf-mumwannabe would usually expect... it's making me want to get that home pregnancy test set to see for my self and to end this waiting game. Impatient I am, but i need some info. If I am going to get a faint negative, i am all prepared for it. But if i get a faint positive, I will be excited and afraid at the same time too... the waiting game continues till the day they run the blood test to confirm. Then, it will be the worst 3 day wait ever! And if the result turns out to be the opposite...that, I cannot take it! Feeeling the stress now.

Sigh... think i better quit thinking about this HPT experiment.

Beta Hcg due today and the result ....

2011-02-07T12:08:00.005+08:00

Positive vibes was felt all the way till the day 16 post transfer, 1-day before my BHcg test, i got my period. Full blown period. It came so right on the spot on day 16! My feelings were telling me it's going to be a failure. Why? Because it a full blown period! it was not spotting, it was not dark red or dark brown. It was heavy fresh blood!!!! (sorry,too much info)

A few days back i got symptoms of AF coming- back pain, left- right abdo cramps, but i brushed them aside, thinking it was a good sign to have some pain which can mean that the muscles in my uterus and surrounding it are contracting and expanding to make room for my embbies. I was also looking forward to some kind of discharges, they called it implantation spotting/bleed. But NO! there wasn't any but all-time whitish discharges which gave me an indication that my period was due to come anytime... ( sorry again for TMI) and it chose to come on 1-day before my blood test- day 16, yesterday at 4.30pm. How disappointing!

At KKIVF this morning, told the nurse of my period... and the look on her face changed and trying to empathized with me, asked me if i have frozen embryos... oh ... on hearing that, i think i don't have to go through this blood test and i knew what the result would be. How negative i was!

At 11am, the nurse called to inform me of my result. It's a Big Fat Negative. I thanked her and ended the call. Felt nothing until i started to share the news to some important friends and family members via SMS. No way i could make the calls. And that was when i cried buckets!

Life still must go on... getting back to work tomorrow. I have 3 frozen embryos stored somewhere in that fridge!

What might have gone wrong??? And what should i do differently for my 2nd ivf?

Didn't have rested enough?

Keep housework to the minimalist.

Consult TCM.

Do Acupuncture.

My next step : appt with my consultant on 22 Feb. Get appt for 2nd ivf .

next next step : maybe plan for short break before 2nd ivf.

One thing for sure now that I do NOT wish to sell MY Bicycle, in case 2nd ivf fails again.

Hospital Leave for 20 days.

2011-01-28T23:27:00.006+08:00

Egg Retrieval was done on 19 Jan. It was much earlier than i'd expected. Had total of 14 follicles but only manage to have 5 embryos. 3 in freezer and 2 returned to my uterus. On 3rd day after ER, I had the 2 embryos transfered on the 21 Jan.

On Egg Transfer day, kevin was allowed to observe the procedure. He sat beside me. There were 2 monitors- one which showed the embryos (magnified) with my name and nric written on the dish, coming from the embryologist's lab. And, another monitor - the ultrascan which showed images of my bladder /uterus, to helped with the implantation of the embryo into my uterus by the reproductive endocrinologist, my consultant.

The procedure took less than 15mins, rested for a short while for 10mins, and that was it!

2 embbies are now in my uterus... please please get sticky to my uterus!

Got 20 days of hospitalisation leave till my pregnancy test on 7 feb!

In between this 2 weeks wait, gave myself the pregnyl jabs ( progesterone for luteal support) every 3-4 days as ordered.

A week have passed, another week to go. It was sure the longest 2 week wait ever.

6 Jan 2011 : E2 estridol and U/S scan

2011-01-06T16:16:00.000+08:00

This morning at 730hr, i went for blood test - E2 to check my estrogen level and scan my uterus to see if both are ok before starting on - Puregon- this additional subcut ( Lucrin still continues till my follicles grow to 16mm) is to help with the development of multiple follicles.

at 11am, received call from KKH that my E2 level is at good range and so i can start on Puregon 400u every morning for 7 days and on the 8th day (15 Jan 2011) , scheduled for 9am scan. As for the scan, the uterus lining is thin and there's no sign of cyst. Only seen clots/spots from my previous menses.

kevin starts on his oral antibiotics on same day 08 Jan for 7 days.

According to the nurse, it will take about up to 10-14days to see the growth of the follicle. 14days counting from 8th Jan will indicate that my ER will be earlier than i expected, probably fall between 21 to 24th Jan. 2days wait for fertilization then, transfer the eggs.

17 days after ET, pregnancy test (approximately around the 14.02.2011 week!)

My challenges for the next 2 months...

2010-12-15T10:42:00.006+08:00

I am finding it too confusing, so the dates may not be accurate. But it's about there la....

My estimated schedule :-

Day 1 ( 1 dec)

start of menses 1^st December 2010 - call KKH IVF

Day 2 (2 dec)

collected microgynon

Day 3 - Day 20

started Microgynon (birth control pills) x 19 days

Day 21 (22 dec) - Day 26 ( 26 dec) :

Microgyon 5days + subcut Lucrin 10 units x 5 days

Total Microgyon 24days

Day 27 - Day 35 ( 27.12 to 6 January 2011) :

subcut Lucrin 10 Units x 11days

Total 16days Lucrin - baseline scan & bloodtest for E2

Day 36 - Day 42 ( 7 Jan to 13 Jan 2011)

subcut Lucrin 10 units x another 7 days

Day 43- Day 49 (14 Jan 2011 – 20 Jan 2011)

Start subcut Puregon 200 IU x 7 days + Lucrin 10 units

Day 50 (21 Jan 2011)

(8th day of puregon)- 1st scan

Day 54 (9th to 12th days of puregon) - 2^nd scan

Day 58 (29 Jan 2011)

(16th day of puregon): 3^nd scan

** When follicles reach 16mm, STOP Lucrin. Total 16 days puregon

Day 58 (29 .1.2011) : IM pregnyl at night , ER 2 days later
Day 60 (30.1.2011) : Egg Retrieval
Day 61- Day 62 (31.1 - 01.02.2011) : wait for fertilisation
Day 63 (02.02.2011) : Egg transfer / balance embroyo to freeze

Day 64- Day 80 (03.02.2011- 20.02.2011) - return for progesterone blood tests (x3) - if more than 15 eggs collected, got to return for IM progesterone daily for 17 days. If less than 15 eggs collected, 4 x HCG jabs.

Day 81 (21.02.11) : 17 days later, pregnancy test

why i have not been writing much?

2010-12-12T23:17:00.019+08:00

too many activities - no energy to write.

2010, has been another challenging year for me and the coming months heading on to 2011 will even be the biggest challenge of my life(and Kevin's too, of cos).

looking back at my 2010 calender, in the past months, we have been busy with home improvements. renovated our home so beautifully that my heart aches when we handed the keys away. been living with my in-laws ever since the start of the fasting month. tough but i am grateful to have such wonderful and understanding in-laws. have to admit that we do have some minor problems here and there, but they are willing to give in to me. nice in laws. i know i have hurt them in one way or another. i am living in their house and i wanting to make it like mine, my style, my way- i just wanna feel comfortable. i have invaded there freedom, their breathing and living space. On the other hand, we hope to care, look out for one another and save cost, maybe. Well, surely things do not seem to turn out to be what we hoped for.

in between those busy and messy months, i underwent Hysteroscopic Myomectomy. did not realised that multiple fibroids and polyps have been living inside me for very long that it grew between 6 to 8cm! had those extra-territorials removed and planned for another bigger project- project of a lifetime!

"Project P" we would call it. it's been almost 2 weeks now, i have been taking daily does of microgyon tablet for 26days. started 2 days after my LMP dated 1.12.2010. it's an oral contraceptive pill- birth control. almost immediately, it ended my period, and i can't help but to notice the change over my left boobs- slightly raised and increased. not too sure if the pills have caused this.

On day 21 from my LMP (22.12.2010) - will be starting on daily injections - Lucrin injections for about 2-4weeks - every morning on my tummy. Just in case i'd be afraid to jab myself, i have taught mama how to do it, and kevin has got his training from the nurse when we last visited the IVF centre. Yes! it's ivf/icsi treatment with KKH. My doctor is Dr M. Hendriks.

Extreme Makeover 2010

2010-04-09T16:27:00.007+08:00

Extreme Makeover held on 23 January 2010.. one of the school's many outreach programmes. The students had a blast cleaning, painting , scrubbing and washing the selected 1 - 3 bedrooms flats at York Hill and Bukit Merah estates. As for me, I did very little...

I have about 18 students - with Edwin being the only thorn among the roses. They did most of the cleaning job while all I did was giving them instructions and tips on how to handle the paint brush, how to paint, where to paint, what to paint.. where needs more cleaning, scrubbing.. what can be thrown, what to do next ... and so on.

We had the worst house to makeover. A 1-room unit at York Hill. There were a strong stench of urine as we entered the house. You could even smell it on the owner of the house. He's about 70, seemed unkempt and under nourished. 90% of his unit was infested with bed bugs, and I noticed that there were not other sort of creepy crawlers could be found, only bed bugs. Bed bugs everywhere.. on mattress,bed frames, all over the table top, food leftovers, fridge and even on walls and ceiling.

We should have engaged the expertise from the pest control or NEA because killing those bugs were the toughest thing to do. The students had to use all their might to smashed them till there were blood. Then, scrape and paint over. There were instances when we had no choice but to paint over the live bugs. So, there were no guarantee that the bugs will ever stop breeding.

The house was filled with the smell of urine, leftover food, sweat , everything and anything. No need to mention about the condition of the wash room. The video said it all. Renuka did an excellent job . She turned the toilet bowl into a sparkling brand new one.

It took us about 6 hrs to complete the makeover. The saddest part doing this type of community work was to have to throw away some of the old man's belongings. Some thing we saw or felt that they might have some sentimental value, no matter how bad it is, we put it aside. Things which could be rescued for further use, we returned. Those with bugs, we had no choice but to throw.
The things which we threw were his bed, mattress, fridge filled with very bad foul smell, wardrobe, some clothes, food stuff, newspapers, standing fan, old radio and tv.

A great sense of satisfaction and relieve were felt by the students, at the end of their hard day's work. Usually, they would be given a T-shirt which bears this project name but they agreed to forgo that and use the money to buy household items to replace the old ones.

Together with the organization we worked with, we donated a standing fan, a new set of bed and mattress, wardrobe and some food supplies to the homes at Bukit Merah and York Hill. Very proud to be working with these group of dedicated students with good team spirit.

We hope that the old man will maintain his home in a good and clean manner. We also hope that this family members or neighbours will take care of him. And last but not least, we really hope for NO bed-bugs!

I miss me.

2009-09-11T11:17:00.008+08:00

I used to go for short runs or brisk walks in the morning but these days, or ever since i started my new job, I just couldn't get myself out of bed early, especially on weekends.

We used to explore places of interest. Now we explore interesting buildings.

Thought I would be enjoying riding my new bicycle, but no... because, I still have some fear riding on the road.

We used to go to Sentosa on weekends, and during that period of time, we were quite active.. we exercised and did run abit.. we felt so fit! I just loved the way i was ... the way i looked, i loved my skin colour back then. But now, I have gained so much weight and 1-mth of fasting has no effect at all. My waist line was no where to be seen. I really have to work hard to "trim and fit" myself :(

Then, we used to find the opportunity to escaped to Malaysia whenever possible. Not sure.. since when..? , we can't find that opportunity and still waiting for the right weekend to escape.

We used to hang out with colleagues and friends for dinner, bowling, karaoke, etc. We hardly have time to plan for such. Where have all the fun gone to?

I miss saying this ... "Let's go play!"

Youth Expedition Team to Manipal, India. 26.09.09 to 10.10.09

2009-09-10T14:07:00.003+08:00

Here's the group of students I will be with throughout the whole of 14days in Manipal, India.

A good mix of Malays, Indian, Chinese and Myanmese. 33 of them.

Don't know what to feel about this trip. So there's nothing much to write about.

But I will miss Todd, definitely. And of cos, Kevin ... a lot a lot a lot.

AHM & SBR 2009

2009-08-16T22:16:00.001+08:00

Completed 3hrs 12mins, when i crossed the finishing line for 21km. Never improve. Can never be better.
Why? Because never been running, no training whatsoever, been eating a lot and never watch my diet.
I registered according to my age group,the Veteran category, .. a red coloured tag, which I
didn't see many women runners with that colour tag. I wonder where they were, or were there any?
Hmmm.. Couldn't be only me right? So, obviously ... i signed up under the wrong category. How stupid. But then, I get to have a tag with the word "veteran" hehee..
Next year.. if i am still running.. will register.. as Women's Close instead of Open. And so, i will complete all categories hhahhaha..

The running route was so much better compared to previous years. I like.
Good weather. Plenty of water stops and bananas.

Postmortem run: Pain on my right 2nd toe. It's been swelling since quite some time now. Lower back pain. No asthma attack.

now i don't care.

2009-08-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

sorry i have neglected you eversince i started at this new workplace. the people at work goggled ... and that was the only reason why i had stopped updating. but after many months away... 7 mths in this new work environment ( which i felt already old working there) , i don't care much about what they will think about me and my life....

So colleagues if you are reading this.. welcome, welcome.. and pls come again.., do drop me a message before u leave .. don't be shy :)

Gym

2009-02-10T07:20:00.000+08:00

Signed up for gym last weekend..

The trainer did some calculations.. and think every thing stated at normal range. I am happy with what i see. But surely, there's a need to improve on something, somewhere, somewhat, some how...

Can't remember what was indicated on the piece of my physical assessment paper.

The trainer mentioned that i can choose to work on my body fat, even though it's within the good range base on my vital stats.

Think my body fat percentage works up to 24%

Ideally, for my case should be between 21-33%.

He suggested to cut it down by 2.4%.. to the less health risky range.. i guess.

and the thigh and waist areas...

I remember the last time i took some blood test, my cholesterol blood level was " borderline high"..

i just skimmed through the numbers and it states "6.0" and didn't really find the time to analyse what it means..

I didn't do anything about it.

Denial stage maybe, and still is...

running while kev in gym

2009-01-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

don't know whether to call it a jog or run?

so far.. running from bugis up to nicole highway, marina boulevard and back to bugis,

quite enjoyable.. given the windy weather nowadays.. not that tiring..

maybe because not running fast enough. The distance seems far and took me almost 1hr. i don't mind that lenght of time.. cos .. i feel the need to endure running for many hours should i decide to take part in long distance run this year. But, it was only about 5 to 6km when we drove to calculate the distance.

thinking of taking part in that sundown 42km. still deciding...

my weight management...

... after running at that distance and time.

initial wt end NOV : 54

start new work 8 DEC, gained 3.6kg

after running for a month : 56

with 1 session of slimming treatment: 54kg

after the bbq at downtown east >>>>> back to 57!!

with some dieting.. and 2nd session of slimming treatment, 2 days ago

and yesterday's run : 56kg

and that was this morning's wt- taking.

got 2 more slimming session .. in feb.

See how it goes.

CNY going to the m'sia highlands.. i want to bring my running shoes this time.

2009 Wishes...

2009-01-13T16:56:00.008+08:00

2008 had been a great year. Can't exactly remember what my 2008 resolution was, apart from saving money.. but nevermind, cos this year i have not thought of any. Well except for to save money, again. I can't commit to my previous resolution.. but so far what i wished for in 2008, came through, at least one wish ... so maybe I should just wish to have more money in 2009, so that i can save. ah.. then.. my resolution to save money works!

The best thing that happened to me in 2008 was being able to secure a job before leaving TTSH. Leaving TTSH was a wish I made at the start of 2008 and it came through ( thanks to YF for the recommendation). But, leaving TTSH was the hardest thing to do too. I left on 28 November and till today,I still feel sad having to leave the wonderful nurses at Ward12B, and everyone there.. be it the doctors, physio, dietition.. I miss all of them.

2008,

Kevin and I have got to know many good and beautiful people.

Over the year, Kevin's ex-colleagues maintained the friendship with the help of Facebook, they created a group called "Happy Family". We went for a snorkelling trip to Perhentian Island . Best experience was to swim with the giant turtles. There were a few organised activities , like in-line skating at East Coast.. the last time i had that skate on was like 10yr back, it was so difficult to skate, now that i not that young. We took part in the Runway Cycle, can never forget this day.. Me and Kevin cycled from home to paya lebar airport, on the road.. for the very first time... and on my birthday! Yeah.. we got ourselves bicycles! I wished for that too!

Another memorable event was my 37th birthday!

Kevin drove me up to Genting, KL , and it was our first driving experience to M'sia. I always wanted to go to Genting and try running in that so- called cold climate. But the weather was not that chilly as it used to be and there were no safe route to run, so didn't achieve that.

My lovely TTSH ex-colleagues threw me a birthday party at Fish and Co.

Kevin and I managed to escape whenever possible to nearby resorts...

We'd been to Bali, the furthest for 2008.

To Port Dickson with Candy.

To Desaru with Ash ...

Driving to desaru feels like driving to Sento.

We just love the beach at Desaru.

Never wished for a new mobile but I got Omnia.

Started my new job in December, and best part.. there were some salary re-structuring and I benefited from it. Got my salary adjusted before i started working.. and extra 1 mth pay in my first mth salary.

Working 5 days a week, free after 6pm, no shifts... leaves me with so much time to do what i wanted to do... Started running and kevin started going to gym. going to the movies practically every day. to the beach on weekends.. spending time at home.. sweet.

There were many other events in 2008 to list down.. but those were the ones which can never forget. It was them... Kevin, YF, my TTSH friends, the "Happy Family" that made my 2008 the most memorable year ever!

So.. what do i wish for 2009?

kevin get new job &

a baby, maybe?

Getting our life back..

2008-12-16T09:41:00.006+08:00

Exactly at 6pm, i am out of the office.
No work on Saturdays and /Sundays.

To the movies almost everyday..
To the beach on sunny weekends,
Cycling on any other weekends
Run on every other day...

Cook more often, whenever possible.

And, to spend more time at the comfort of our home, sweet home.

Hoping to make all of the above possible.

Trying something ridiculous..

2008-12-03T10:12:00.000+08:00

I want to shed some weight.. currently at 54kg.. but no matter how much i exercise , can't seem to cut down that extra pounds. Whatmore, almost every weekend there's always makan session which i don't want to miss..

... I think it's the age factor... it's difficult to get back into shape..

So i did what most aunties do.... I signed up for 3 trials of slimming sessions plus 1 free slimming massage.. Just to try it out.. let's see if it actually works on me , like how they advertised on the pamphlet..

3 trials may not show much but i think i don't need 10 sessions.. as i am not that big like the ladies in their portfolio.... I have 10x less bulging tummy ... no sagging thighs, underarms or breast..Not yet! .., 10x less fat !! 10 to 20kg lighter!!!! Just wanting to see if they can get rid of the cellulites.. fat lines.. as they assureed that i should feel the difference after 1 session.. so 3 sessions should be ok.

Life after TTSH

2008-12-02T07:47:00.000+08:00

life at ttsh .. have made me feel younger and energetic.. thanks to all my lovelies ashikin, fiona, aisya, aziza, juria, ida, maybelle ... kelly ..wendy.. azleen .. jus to name a few .. Besides just working for the organisation, keeping the standards as per JCI, and caring for the sick and those hard work when some day we were treated like maids and sometimes a receptionist, a secretary, but most of the times running up and down the cubicle making sure the patients are alright..

Despite all that as we chose to become nurses,, we are human too..

never fail to make our lives interesting either by treating ourselves to good food, jokes, juicy gossips.. opps! at the end of the day. Some party hard, karaoke.. bowling .. having good laughs at Minds' cafe...

Putting our differences aside... But, no matter what.. we are united, and we feel for one another whenever anyone of us are feeling down or faced with problems. We even cry together when one is experiencing bad relationship. We cheer up those who are feeling down. Comfort those who in need for love. We have feelings, afterall we are nurses.. we have sense of empathy..

But unfortunately, the HR and Payroll dept do not have such sense.

I was informed that my last salary will be withheld and will be paid only in maybe next 14 days! Woah.. that's too long a time to wait.

I do not have that long time to wait so I have it checked with MOM under the Employments' Act. Which according to the Act, it says :-

If the employee terminates the contract by resigning and has served the required notice period, the employer must pay the employee all due salary on the last day of the employment.

If the employee terminates the contract by leaving employment without notice or without serving the required notice period, salary should be paid to the employee within seven days from the last day of the employment.

I have served my notice period of 1 mth, and even settled the liquidated damages of $8384.80 as per request and now, my pay was held up. Why?

commitment?

2008-11-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

Patients' interest first,
Do what's right for them..
that's all.. i care.

Leaving so soon..

2008-11-12T09:27:00.001+08:00

Left with 14 mths remaining to my 3yr bond, and i chose to leave.

Exit interview tomorrow with the HR .. don't know what they are going to ask me.
No ugly stuff that i will say eventhough i got a lot to comment about. But even if i do, don't think they give a damn. All that they are interested in will be the 4-fig cheque amt which is due for payment tomorrow. The liquidated damages from breaking the 3yr bond.

I thought that they will offset against my salary .. so as to reduced the LD amt. But no, they insisted on full LD amt. My salary will be released on my exit day.

The most saddest thing now .. my exit day falls on my last Night shift (after offsetting my AL and Day off) .. as my dearest colleaque put it as " leave in peace " . Yah.. i am going to leave the ward like how my preceptor left us... he left in peace.. just broadcast " thanks and goodbye" sms.. and see how many pple return your sms.. and that's how u will know who and how many pple at work really cared about you.

To the one who already miss me and cried in the storeroom .. I am going to miss you to the MAX!

And i am already missing everyone of them at work... . I blamed it on the system that divides us.. but when I minus the pressure at work, and add a bit of smile and laughter among us all, we are a bunch of wonderful and fun people to be with. Remember the BBQ last december.. we played hard and had loads of fun.

it's really hard to leave when u know it is not the work that u hate but the system..
and as i write this.. can't stop the tears...
Today till the end of my working days, will have to try to hold back .. the sadness and tears..
but each time i talk and think about it , and while at work , it jus makes me sad
... ahhh.. i guess i will be next running to the storeroom..

finding a new hobby

2008-11-09T09:41:00.001+08:00

to learn guitar or knitting?

whatever it's gonna be, got to think of a hobby fast!!!!

14 Sept : Swing KPE

2008-09-17T09:15:00.000+08:00

14 Sept: Swing KPE Tunnel Fun Run

Last Sunday morning.

After sa’ur, we left for a 5km fun run which we signed up for free. The exciting part of this event which i was looking forward to was to walk in the tunnel in the dark with a lantern.

The event was to celebrate the completion of the longest underground vehicular tunnel in South East Asia and,

to break the guiness world record for the longest lantern parade.

The 10km run started off at 8am followed by the 5km fun run. Since we were fasting, we signed up for the 5km event. We didn’t even give an attempt to run.. just walk all the way to the end. The 12km Tunnel is the longest tunnel in Southeast Asia, the ventilation was quite bad. Perspiring so much and I wonder how the runners cope with it. I’ll definitely have an asthmatic attack.

Most of the participants for the 5km were in their mid 40s onwards. They came in groups representing their community clubs, the old-old generation that you will find in your neighbourhood exercising in the parks , doing their daily tai-chi.. the old and elderly with unsteady gaits.. holding hands, walking in the stuffy tunnel.

There wasn’t any mobile toilets and drinking stops to hydrate along the 5km route, not too sure about it 10km.

Towards the finishing line, an ambulance siren was heard.

It was told that a photographer collapsed!

So was it exciting after all?

:) with kevin with me and lantern in my hands, even with no food, no drink and no air! .. of cos, i enjoyed my day!

but running or worst, getting the older generation to participate in such an event, with hundreds of participants in that tunnel.. in a tunnel with poor ventilation+++ and with little air to breathe, can be health threatening, everybody SOB (shortness of breath) .. then major collapsed.. no enough oxyen tank to share.. not enough AED machines to resus.. luckily only one casualty reported.

This event was really not a good idea even for healthy walkers or runners.. !

Condolences

2008-08-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

one of my best colleaque's mum passed away 2days back, and here i am sitting in for her night duty. my condolences goes to her and her family back home in KL.

tonight the ward is silent.. average 3 call bells every hour.

aunty took almost 3hrs of nap!!! I got no heart to wake her up.. but i want the couch! i want to to take nap too!!!

my juniors surfing the net... catching up with their net friends..upload and update.

best night so far.

Saturday.. my last night... and sad thing.. i won't be able to join kevin and family to a wedding invitation. And i won't be able to go for the SBR half marathon this sunday morning :(

Desaru Trip With Shikin

2008-08-19T05:21:00.000+08:00

Weekend Getaway: Bali

2008-08-01T01:14:00.000+08:00

In 3hrs time, we will be in Bali for the weekend :)

Almost didn't make it for this trip, but thanks to the good people at HolidayBagus.. they make it all possible!

Will be back by Monday early morning, eta 0300hrs. And i am already thinking about work!!! Stress!!! I hate, I hate, I hate...!!! But i kinda miss my colleagues though..

It was a really late minute planning.. kevin had to request for 2 days of his precious leave and miss his Saturday class ... all for me.

And for all that he has done for me .. I am very happy +++++++++++ LoVe U !!!

Got to check in right now... bye :)

Run..

2008-07-16T10:53:00.005+08:00

Not been running for so long...

SBR Army Half Marathon is coming near, so got to start running again..
will try to run almost everyday.. short runs.. and longer distance EOD..
that's what i planned la.... but i got feeling can never actualize... heheehe.

Last year, kevin accompanied me throughout the whole 21km, even though he signed up for 10km. But this year, think i doing it on my own.
I must try to finish it in less than 3hrs.
But the rate i ran for 10km took me about 1hr 30mins, based on my last saucony passion run.. How possible??

This morning.. i started off slow, yet i felt breathless.. after 3km.. how?

My seretide is finishing..
My ventolin is somewhere around the house..

I hardly have asthma attack these days....
the last attack was 2yrs back, while running the SBR.. at 17km, and was told that i will be banned from running.. but who cares..
i still signed up the following year..
after that last attack, no more attacks, but experience episodes of shortness of breath . . hyperventilating.. which is no good, i know... but i really want to run.

So this morning, i leisurely ran my usual route, stopped by the supermarket.
Sick of the kopitiam food at the hospital. So this evening, we gonna feast on seafood pasta... as promised. Hoped Candy and Manru like it.

and a nice portion for kevin :)

Falls..

2008-07-16T10:08:00.003+08:00

Received this mms of my chubby nephew, Idris and his cutie little sister, Khatijah aka Dora. Think they were at the Jurong Bird Park, during the last school break. This is the only way my brother update me of their kids.. how fast they have grown.. up and wide :)
Lately Idris, fell somewhere at his housing multi-storey carpark, and maybe sustained a closed fracture.. minor one, hairline maybe, but he was on full cast over his leg, left or right, i was not told. He already got it off sometime last week. But i am still wondering how he look like with the cast, and with no clutches ..wonder how he ambulate with the full cast from above his knees down to his below his ankle.

And last week, my 87 yr old ah gong fell on his way back home. He fell on grass patches next to the small long-kang. He tripped and lost balance. Think he fell side ways.. Thank God, there's a kind passer-by, a lady helped him up, walked him to his flat, a few doors away. My ah gong is quite heavy.. luckily he lives on the ground floor. By the time, she reached gong's doorstep, she has no strength, she dropped to the floor together with gong, only then she shouted for help. Whoever this lady was..big thank you!

He got minor laceration on his left shin and a slight blue-black on the left side of his head. He refused to seek medical attention, so we're not gonna force him too.

He is alright for now, walking with the aid of the walking frame. Have strongly advised my in-laws' family member who lives with him to take gong to the doctors if he complaints of giddiness, fainting, headache, vomits,etc..

me and my in-laws :)

2008-07-02T12:58:00.000+08:00

We took his parents and grandparents out for dinner.. a once a month a thingy thing we try to do best. But most of the time, we took Gong out more often as he lives away from the rest. Took them to Toa Payoh Fork and Spoon for Stewed Beef Noodle, dry or soup or curry.. Very authentic. I recommend to all, must try.
Think it was one of the first dinner together after very long time.. after Gong discharged from TTSH recovering from intestinal obstruction and Papa's closed fractured wrist. See the bandage there. Mama on the other hand, having fever on that night. And, Popo.. well, she is cute as ever like Hello Kitty.. she's the healthiest among them all. Alhamdullillah.

hmm.. who is looking after who now that the younger ones are less healthier than the elderly.

9 June : Night Cycling

2008-06-10T08:27:00.000+08:00

Immediately as he stepped into the house, got him changed into his t-shirt and berms, took our bikes out and to East Coast we went.
It took us almost half hour to load the bikes onto our new bicycle rack. Didn't expect it to be complicated, that I had to get the manual for instructions.
Perspiring.. !
Of all timing, why cycling at this time?? ~~ Kevin asked.
What more, he just finished work, tired and hungry..
Meantime, Ida and Shikin, were patiently waiting for us to fetch them up from home and Novena respectively.
It was almost 9pm when Shikin got into our car.
And we were thinking.. by the time we reach the bicycle rental booth at East Coast Park, it will be almost to closing time.

Yes, the bicycle operators are closing alright.. at 10pm, but they have this overnight rental for additional $2. We were given a lock to lock up the bicycles and then drop the key into the small hole provided on the front gate.

So happily, enjoying the night breeze..
Me, Kevin, Ida, Shikin and Bf..
cycled ..
stopped for dinner..
chit chat...
laugh..
and tease..
cycled again

The remains from the Saucony Passion Run, the tents, plastic chairs and barricades were still there.
Then there were army boys doing road match.. So good life.. marching along the East Coast beach!

mostly cycled for relaxation, de-stress..
or try to cut down some weight... :)

almost midnight, left East Coast.
everyone reached home safe.
i bet every one slept soundly..
And wake up feeling fresh, come morning!

29th May: Big Thank YOU

2008-06-08T16:52:00.001+08:00

37th birthday to remember, always.

23 May : Kevin took me to Genting and shopping in KL :)
25 May : cycling with Kevin's good friends.
29 May : Birthday surprise at Fish & Co with good people from the ward.

BIG THANK YOU TO:
SHIKIN
IDA
CANDY
DEREK
HANNA
MAYBELLE
AZARI
AND ALL AT WORK

8 June: Saucony 100 Plus Passion Run

2008-06-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

Last run was SCSM 2007.
Today, only 10km.. i felt like dying ..
felt so tired..
felt heavy too..
hyperventilate before reaching 5km.. very bad!

a little asthmatic

took 2puffs..

felt so draggy..
a few over-sized runners over took me..
can imagine how slow i ran..?

in this run, i only had my mobile and music .. and of cos, my inhaler with me.
no watch, no sunglasses, no sunblock.

Kevin and me started off together, then about 2km, he went on ahead of me..

i don't know what exact time i finish the race.
but surely i exceeded 1 hr,
which, of cos.. great disappointment!

But this 10km is less stressful than Mizuno's.

Next run.
Mizuno 10km?
should i?

tidy up that closet..

2008-05-28T09:29:00.000+08:00

bye bye to kev, he drove off to work.. and i went for a quick jog..
my usual route..
my head felt so light..
it must be the hair!!

thought of going to safra for swim.. and relax at their jacuzz pool..
but the weather's turning dark..

taking a break from doing housework...
wah.. kev really got a lot of t-shirt.. but all worn out, the collar are out of shape and
they are all discoloured..
some still can be worn but they are not the in-thing right now.. so gonna give-away..
gonna dump into the salvation army container.. think they know what to do with it..

as for me.. i realised that i don't really have many to give away..
they all have to be thrown!!

a ReVamp is what i want now!!!
new sets of everything!!
REVaMP the whole of me!!!

search and shop... what a good timing...
GREAT SINGAPORE Sale!!!
hmmm.. GSS or not..
i see myself buying things..all the time..
sale or no sale..
cheap.. but how cheap is cheap?
so no diff.
got $$$, sure shop shop shop.. from nothing in mind to something..
btw, next on my list..
guitar,
clothes?
girls always seeing clothes..
so clothes are nothing special,
see nice , new stuff... buy..
but i want guitar..
for what?
learn for fun..
everything for fun
fun is getting expensive already..

cycling is serious hor.. not for fun
must cycle.. die die must

hand itch..
wants vs needs = > WAnts as always.. may need it next time,
buy first incase , next time cannot find..
then never use..
always the case.

back to basix

2008-05-27T09:31:00.000+08:00

don't know yet whether i like it or not..
but i am comfortable with this short-not too short hair style..
had all the extensions cut off instead of opening the clips one by one..
so this is the result...

but i think it's gonna look nice with my new polo t's.
and..
no worries about hair being entangled..
so back to my basic stuff..
to sentosa
to the pool
running again ...

no need for hair clips and bands..
girlly stuff really not for me, i think.
but i tried ...

gonna listen to kev..

vain.. but too bad..it got to go

2008-05-27T08:37:00.003+08:00

currently, i am on leave.. usually i will go for runs and swim.. but
this time, becos of the extensions.. i didn't do any of that.
this friday, going out with colleagues to Jurong Swimming pool to play..
i think about my extensions..
next 2 weeks, passion run.. i worry for the extensions again.

like kevin said.. why worry..? solve the problem!

i like the "now" me look!
but if i continue to have this..
i won't be able to enjoy what i have been doing..
then i have to spend time and $$ to deal with the confuse mess after each activity..

after so much thots and consultations with bestfriends..
i have decided...

will remove my "au-ta" hair right after i log out from here.. :(

confused mess

2008-05-27T08:12:00.004+08:00

cycled from home to paya lebar airbase about 19km, took about 1.5hrs,
then did about 1 and quarter round at the runway , then cycled to marine parade hawker center, then home..

that how i spent my day on the 25th, my birthday :)

no leg pain.. no body aches..

interestingly .. only my left wrist in pain. felt lethargic, power 0-3.
my left thumb got no strength to press on that whatever u call it, to change gear from 2 to 3 .. or vice versa.. so i maintained at 2.

then my hair so messy..like in a a confused mess..
really had a hard time to single out the strands..

reached home, immediately wash up and straight to pamper our body..
kev went for body massage, while i went to deal with my hair-extensions.

spend 40bucks for scalp treatment.. sheishedo.. good stuff yet cheap, best!

"macam magic"

2008-05-21T12:13:00.004+08:00

driving under this hot weather.. and after MacDonald's breakfast settling in..making me sleepy too, but i don't have the heart to drop her off at kranji station when she was already in LaLa land..
she did wake up briefly to tell me that she was feeling dizzy.. must the way i drove on that winding road along old woodlands road. At this point, think she had no idea that i have drove past kranji station.. and heading to teck whye....
the drive was a little bit stressful with big lorries and trucks driving along side with me.. ahh.. thinking of driving back home to yishun added more stress... i hate the road.. and i hate the weather! but thank god i got kev's shades on..

she finally opened her eyes.. as i was about to turn into her car park. and she said
"eh.. Macam magic..?"

the piriton and cough mixture must have really knocked her out!

she had a tough night last night. with that irritating runny nose of hers, and even though she had the mask on, she was tortured by the stench of strong smell coming from one of the cubicles. Besides having to deal with that unpleasant smell, she had to deal with the ugly sight of someone's etiquette which she finds it undesirable. And last but not least, i can't help but to eavesdrop... she had to deal with her unreasonable bf. poor girl.

back home. kev awaits for his breakfast. Mac Donald's breakfast not as nice as before. the muffin so hard to bite, dry and tasteless.
Tomorrow, will get burger king's egg croissant instead. Soft, buttery and tasty.

he'll be sitting for his exam tonight. all the best to you, babe.

the weather at home is just a hot.

nice :)

Marin Pioneer Trail

2008-05-20T10:29:00.000+08:00

Specifications
Colour: Gloss Smoke
Sizes Available: 15”, 17”, 19”, 20.5”, 22”
Frame: 6061 Butted Aluminum with Edge 3 Top and Down Tubes
Fork: Spinner Grind OS 2, 100mm with Oversize 28.6mm Legs and Preload Adjustment
Rear Shock: N/A
Headset: Ritchey LB, 1 1/8” Threadless
Rear Hub: Alloy Double Sealed, 32 Hole with QR
Front Hub: Alloy Double Sealed, 32 Hole with QR
Spokes: WTB 15 Gauge Stainless
Rims: Alloy, 32 Hole with QR
Tire: Kenda Koyote, 26” x 1.95”, Knobby
Shift Levers: Shimano EF50 EZ-FIRE Plus, 8 Speed
Front Derailleur: Shimano Altus
Rear Derailleur: Shimano Altus
Cassette: Shimano HG30, 11-30, 8 Speed
Chain: Shimano HG40
Crankset: TruVativ X-Flow 3.0, 42/34/24
Bottom Bracket: TruVativ with Sealed Cartridge
Seatpost: Alloy Micro Adjust, 27.2mm x 350mm
Seat: Comfort Sport
Bar: Double Butted 6061 Alloy, OS-31.8mm, 25.4mm Rise
Stem: Marin OS Alloy Threadless, with 31.8mm Bar Clamp
Grips: Marin Comfort Dual Density
Brakes: Forged Alloy Linear Pull
Brakes Rear: Forged Alloy Linear Pull
Brake Levers: Shimano with Integrated Shifters
Pedals: Composite

What more do i want?

2008-05-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

before i wanted for a bicycle, i wished for a guitar!
i already bought my "pick of destiny" long time ago but i have not gotten a proper guitar yet.
been eye-ing on it though.. but hmmm.. somehow.. i ended up getting a bicycle.. and way before that.. hair extension

What actually i want which i don't really need them? hmmm...

the bicycle...
i want to start cycling but first of all, i have to be brave.. brave enough to go on the road,
which i have done so.. but still afraid of the traffic,the vehicles coming from behind.. especially big vehicles .. buses and lorries.. and also, not forgetting.. some idiotic drivers...

i want to cut down on running.. as it is going to hurt my back eventually..
luckily i got some kind of benefit from working in the hospital.. i am scheduled for the costly MRI scan for my lower back sometime next month, after Passion Run week..
The recent xray showed some kind of degenation, wear and tear of my lower back. Can't tell exactly what's causing the pain..or,it could be the fluid/ gels in between the lumbar .. that's degenerating or worn out..
each time i bend forward, getting up from sitting to standing position.. and when pulling patients up .. the pain was so unbearable.. but funny thing is, it only happens at work. stress, i think. So painful that it makes me wanna cry.. but crying won't help, MC does.

Took MC for my lower back pain last week. Before that, I got terrible URTI that caused me to have high fever of 38.6 deg for 2 days.. Never had such a fever before.. as far as i can remember, that is. And i never thought that fever can be so much painful! I rather have asthma attack, than fever!

Now that i am well.. i want to be healthy and strong! so that i can play!
This month.. my special month

Check out the cute guy behind me!

2008-05-19T17:55:00.000+08:00

hehe.. that's kevin, of cos!

have u notice my new hair do?
oh yes, it's all fake..
been checking out forums, asking friends, and reading on hair extensions, and finally i did it on 1st May.
Went to the nearest hair saloon, Snip Avenue, recommended by my neighbour. Coincidentally, it was on promotion and is still is .. hair extension for 80cents per pc!

At first, it was so troublesome. i got to blow dry my hair each time i have it washed. So basically it was like everyday! Cos almost everyday work.. at dirty hospital. And almost every day run.. and NO matter how well i comb, the hair still gets entangled. So frustrating..
In the beginning, it hurts when i lay my head down to sleep. Had to lie on soft cushion. And with the clips attaching the extensions to my real hair, it's hard for me comb my hair, always got caught by the clips.. and, it is making it difficult for kev to sweep my hair off my shoulder or to the back with his fingers..He has to carefully not to pull my hair. Almost wanting to take it all off. Taking it off, will cost me $20.

Then at work, i cannot let it down. Got to bun it up. I will definitely pull my hair extensions to some extent. Cannot tie too hard, too tight.. and must use the right type of hair bands ..preferably with no teeth. Simply too troublesome to maintain hair extensions.

Almost 20 days living with this 68pcs of hair extensions, i don't care much about it anymore. I stopped blow dry after washing. Let it dry naturally. Still it gets tangled though ..but i feel less frustrated, as i don't have to spend my time blow drying it and getting the same result. Tangled.
Somehow after a while.. i complained lesser of pain when sleeping.
Then after all these while.. i beginning to love this long hair.. not that long actually, i realized that long time ago, about 4 years back, i got quite very long hair.. but how come i never notice or even cherish it .. ? Now i itch to have long hair!

untraceable

2008-04-16T14:41:00.000+08:00

Nagging power

2008-04-15T14:31:00.005+08:00

oh yes! u got the right to nag..
but you nagged at the wrong time.

Once again, she did it!
one of her unnecessary and childish
acts during our previous 7am
roll-call.

the roll call was held up,
no one
can start passing down report,
until
someone answered if she has the right to nag!

time was lost.. brought everyone at a standstill.

doesn't it occur to her that she is wasting others' precious time,
and we are risking patients' life.

There are more productive and "valuable" which work can be done and achieved
than to listen to your nags.

please change if you want to see the change in us.

fail many times???

2008-04-15T14:20:00.002+08:00

i don't agree we failed many many times in our internal audit,
as what was announced.

cleverly u assigned the seniors to do the checkings..

thanks to those who stayed after work to
check the case files, to ensure documentations are in order
and updated accordingly.

if u want us to pass well, why don't u be the one to check!
now that we have disappoint u, the seniors were to be blamed.
if u want us to pass well in our documentation..
i suggest u do the checking!!!

as far as i know and heard, we failed once only!

the Cold stares

2008-04-15T14:03:00.003+08:00

feedback from some personnel claimed that we,nurses give cold stares to them!

what does he/she mean by giving them "cold stares"?

what makes he/she thinks that we are giving them that "cold stares"?
if this personnel(s) have issue with any one of us,
come straight up, confront!

we wouldn't give such stares,
if "that personnel(s)" do not do anything to us.

come and show yourself up!

u think we care..

2008-04-14T14:43:00.000+08:00

attended that compulsory talk ... "xxx care"
now they realised that we are doing all the unnessessary work.. 90%
while 10% are real work .. valued services..

whatever..

2008-04-08T21:02:00.005+08:00

One new AN come in, another AN leaving!
4 new SN just joined us, don't know how many will be leaving next!!

how i wish i am in one of those leaving...
especially in times like this .. audit season.
hate to pretend to like the system
so i told them so today.
i hate this "t-care" that we are doing
it's like useless cos pple jus do as how they like,
not lucky if get caught.
so when audit come.. we are told to do it properly and
accordingly but it may not be the truth..
whatever...so,
u need data .. we give u..
u want me to predict, i predict
why question me so much..?
but it's ok, i answered even though i had to strain my voice..
if i remained quiet and uninterested, u'll say i don't know my work..
i give u answers and argue a bit
then, u think i am agitated by ur questionaires?

actually.. i am not.. i am frustrated, with myself, my voice!
i have been saving my voice.. lost my voice a few days back..
i don't have that much energy to speak up.. just to answer to yr questions.
and it was 12noon, i have not had my break, i'm thirsty.. and my throat were dry,
can't u pple hear me coughing, till i want to puke!!!

the t-care...
if what i predicted, may not materialize..
then.. we just actualize accordingly..
what's the problem with that?
anyway, who is caring for the patient?
how much do u know about my patient?
i clean him 3x a day, u don't believe..

u come and work la..!!!
see whether u got time to enter those details in ur t-care, in the first place!

feels like crying..

2008-03-27T17:44:00.000+08:00

spoke to a colleague today..
and we can sense that we are equally sad
for some reason or no reason at all..

on night, tonight

2008-03-13T11:01:00.001+08:00

don't know which side i'll be taking, male or female.
who will be working with me..
how many patients,
any DILs or any PR problems..

what ever it is.. still have to work.
it doesnt mean the patients sleep at night
no, not most nights.
don't know why they wake up a more than a couple
of time to pee or even to BO in the middle of the night!
especially in the cold weather these days... i think
i will we expecting lots of call bells for urinals and bedpans.

miss a few pple in the ward.
hopefully everyone is doing fine and
the work load not too heavy..

hopefully, kev comes home early, that is, if he intend to skip class..
so that ..i can driveeeeeeeeee to work......yeahhoo....

been driving for the past 2 days..
and i am enjoying it..

no cure for sneezing

2008-03-12T05:57:00.000+08:00

been sneezing too much.. till my back hurts.
seen the doctor on my off day yesterday and got 2 days mc to rest.
sneeze.. allergy to what?
had Todd next to me.. cuddled him cos he also needed some warmth
from the cold weather.. and i didn't sneeze ..
it must be the cold cold weather...
left the house, started to sneeze,
in the car also sneeze.. while driving.. sneeze,
in the coffeeshop also sneeze..

it's so tiring .. sneezing non-stop.
tearry eyes and
non-stop runny nose...
got my front t-shirt all wet from wiping off the mucus hehehe..
lazy to use the tissue paper..

the pple at home not well..
only the cats are fit.

why?

2008-03-10T19:35:00.000+08:00

another 300 bucks gone to waste! that $$$ could have brought me to somewhere!!!
we, obviously, didn't make it..
we are going to give it a rest..
will re-take the paper again ... say.. 2 to 3 mths' time..
Save 100bucks/mth ..
make sure take leave for the paper,
L.O.C must be at super alert!
and must have the appetite to talk on speaking test day.

whatever it is, the next round must die2 pass!!!!!!

everyday go to work do the same thing.
getting sick of documentation.. especially.
another fren expressed the same thing while doing the beds..

to me , the ward is becoming like a childcare centre.
bathe and clean them, feed and change them, make them comfortable
at the end of the day.. call their family members to bring them home.

then we have the principal and vice principal.
and one of them loves to nag..nag.. nag..when no one listening
then got the HOD.. who checks on our work..
and these big shot people.. only know how to nag,
command, demand and shoot!
they can get sick but we can't
they can go for leave as and when they like..
and don't care.

tmr my off day.. don't know what to do.

i hate tues,wed, thursday....

2008-02-27T13:41:00.000+08:00

working night shift on his school nights.
It's like 2 days and 3 nights, set as "away.."
So quiet at home.
So very quiet..
Just can't wait for my 3rd night to be over..
tonight, my second night.
tomorrow's last night.
will return on my sleep day, this friday morning ..
see u soon..

little missy-s of mine...

2008-02-27T12:41:00.002+08:00

That's miss maybelle in the centre and miss shikin with the funny face!

they are the reasons i am still surviving in ward, though we don't really get to work on the same shift.

maybelle, she's independent and smart always in the process of beautifying herself.. she got her seasons of looks.. coloured hair, hair extensions, etc...
she never fail to surprise us or ..more like shock us!

then there's little miss shikin. she is so adorable. u jus wanna pinch her! every part of her is so pinch-able. she still have that baby face..so adorable and so love by her bf. And she's so very in love too, every second of her heartbeat.

another person that adds on the fun to our friendship is Idaaaaaaaaaaa.

Idaaaaaaaaaa, she is one brave little woman. she 's a good planner, too good, too precise and too neat. she's a nokia freak.
she's like a little secretary. no worries, she'll get things done in a jiff.
And she loves reading malay romance novels.. and she shares this passion with another little missy whom we adore.. miss nurima aka little mummy.

We will be expecting precious little princess in May.. and OMG.. month of May baby! Like me, like my best friend, YF!!!
Craziness never stops...
Little Mummy and me.. we work together quite closely cos we usually get to work on same shifts and ..somehow our childish behaviour are quite similar . And she is praying hard that her Precious will not be as hyper-active as me. hahaah!
Eh.. i don't have picure of us together, will update when available.

does my malay sound weird?

2008-02-27T09:52:00.001+08:00

this is my colleague, S, who loves Harry Potter.
to me, she is one smart girl.
helpful,
humble
adorable.
speaks better malay than me.

today, a family member thought that she is siti, simply because she speaks better malay.
malay speaking = malay name.

the family confronted me to confirm my name. and i said yes, Siti is my name.
the next question: am i local?
i replied : yes, pure malay sg. why?
they thought that i am a thai and my malay sounded weird/funny.

i wanted to laugh. at the back of my mind... i was thinking of Idaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

Passion Run 2008

2008-02-26T10:55:00.008+08:00

This morning's weather was great. The after the rain effect, cooling
and breeze. Ran to lower seletar reservoir and back home.
took time to relax at the fishing jetty.. fresh air and beautiful sky.

Yesterday, signed up for my first run for this year.
Early bird price $18 for 10 or 15km. Going for 10km.
Signed up for Kevin for the same distance too.

Will be held on Sunday, 8th June at East Coast Park.

Saw this brochure. Run Paradise!
Laguna Phuket International Marathon, 15 June..
Shall we go, kev ?

countdown to.. 10days, after 3pm

2008-02-25T21:07:00.005+08:00

the test results we sat for, last weekend.
we have no confidence in passing.
we concluded that if we need to re-take,
it will have to wait.. maybe 2 to 3 mths later.
we can't afford to spend another 300 bucks.

Helloween Live!!

2008-02-25T12:52:00.003+08:00

Last nite, best nite ever, but not enough!!!

They started out with Halloween..

You got to be there to feel it, man..
really got "magic in the air" from start to the end!!!
best concert so far for this year!
Played mostly from the older albums..
very few or little from their new one, Gambling with the Devil.
Though the crowd was unexpectedly not a huge turnout, they were.. which include me and kev...
WE were fantastic, singing, screaming, handbanging,body surfing..simply gerek!
and they, Helloween, were superb awesome!!
Best performance with great audience participation.
Everything and Everyone was GREAT!!!! But NOT ENOUGH!!!!!
And they ended off with I Want Out!

And that's what i feel about my life, right now! My work life, that is!

my ugly toe

2008-02-13T21:36:00.004+08:00

really.. been lazy to pick up that running shoe.. no motivation.
things going slow-mo for myself, well apart from having fun...
for myself.. what do i want to achieve this yr..
well of cos.. i want to pass that paper and get myself out..
day in and day out, no feeling for work..
jus waiting for that day to come..
financial backing.. me and yf lacking .. if only we had that, we long gone liao.
hoping to leave during JCI time.,.. hehehe i think our sisters in green will scream at us!!
but then, u think we give a damn!

ok.. that's our main aim for the year.

now .. about everyday things.. what to do with me?
with kevin set as "Away" 3 out of 7 days.., got to load him with lots of vitamins and supplements so that he will not fall sick easily.
those 3 nites of classes, i wish to work on pm shift.
he's always been busy with work, day and nite.. phone call non-stop.. as times.. interrupts our sleep.. and our eca..
and on top of that, on every other days...
he has to entertain me! me and my friends, family and cats!
my husband wanted by everyone.

think, will go back to running again.. which i have not been doing for some time.
will start after i recover from this sore throat,
i lost my voice on the 3rd day of CNY.. been eating and talking too much..
Hah! more reason to start running... i feel heavy ..

but.. i also got problem with my toe nail. my right 4th toe-nail is coming off. i wanted to pull it out, but painful. Underneath that nail, there's a fresh new nail, soft and feels like flesh. So i decided to leave the outer older nail as it is, and let it come off naturally.
then the left 2nd super long toe of mine, blue black! no feeling. waiting for it to rot! haha.. i know underneath that black toe nail, lies a new nail. this happens all the time. each time i ran for some event, each toe takes its turn to turn blue black. Actually it was bleeding from within, and the nail did not get it's nutrients from the toe.. and it's called hematoma, not necrotic. i kinda get used to it. so ugly. as kev puts it as " fugly" heheehe

aiyah.. i made up my mind liao.. no matter wat
running it shall be.. starting.... i don't know when..

manhattan nd games

2008-02-13T21:25:00.001+08:00

.. so happens that, these cheeky yet sweet and lovely girls were on morning shift and i was off on that day. it was a friday and i can't remember the date too. we planned for an evening of games.. but before that...

it was like 3 fridays back, i think. earlier that day, me and 2 others, evelyn and fellie went to check out jusco in jb.. well of cos, uncle faris drove us there. after sending these 2 lovely girls home somewhere near the hospital, we fetched the others, and suprised that derek came along. the 4 of us squeezed our butts on the back seats, while derek comfortably took the front passenger seat, and off we went to somewhere near boat quay.

we went to these seafood restuarant jus above the clark quay's station... oh my.. i am losing my memory.. i can't remember the name of that mall.... !!!! oh my god... signs of getting old, surely.. someone pls help me.

and so .. it was like a pig's out day.. eat and be merry. think derek enjoyed this get-together most. it was like a reunion dinner.

after that we, we went to Mind's Cafe, the main event of the day.

chunming's farewell

2008-02-13T20:37:00.000+08:00

can't remember when this was.. it was sometime late January 08.. only know that it was a sunday early morning,left the house about 4am, fetched ida who leaves near to our place and dearest shikin from CCK.. reached the budget terminal almost 5am to bid farewell to chunming.

the rest of the girls had spent the night with her somewhere at geylang area.. and it seemed that they had quite an experience from that one night at hotel88 :)

wish chunming all the best and i hope to keep in touch with her, but the prob is that i don't have any of her contacts. but nevermind.. she will always be in my heart. she is one of the best coaches in ward.. always feel comfortable working with her. thanks for being my friend too.

did not see her off exactly as we had to leave for morning shift work ... me and shikin. kev send ida home and then straight to work.

"thanks for getting up super early, drove us to budget terminal and took all these beautiful pictures. we love u, uncle faris", says ida, shikin and me. heheehee..

Island Getaway part 2 : 15012008

2008-02-13T20:09:00.001+08:00

and so, we went to Pulau Ubin.. with kevin. did not get to cover the whole island, as we had to leave at 2pm as our parking coupon expired at that time. plus, yf had to be home early to get some rest before reporting for night duty.
smsed some other friends to join us to ubin again to cover the balance of the island. and when it that be? well.. hmmm.. got to wait till everyone of us have the same off day!

results..

2008-01-25T19:10:00.003+08:00

supposed to get the test results today, but the website doesn't seemed to be working. no emails too. so, jus have to wait for the results in my letter-box. whatever the result be, it doesn't matter anymore. pass or fail.. i still have to sit for similar but slightly tougher paper next month.

i really want this .. i do not want to waste much time... age is catching up..
thankful to have one good friend who is doing this with me...
glad to have met her.. never knew that we'd be best friends... (i think we are best friends now, are we?)

and knowing kev is and has always been by my side, loving me and caring for me.. given me all the attention i always wanted.. all the time..all these while..
i really want to make him happy .. very happy +++ ...
i have to make this happen.. just for us.
got to build back what i have destroyed..
the love, the happiness, the sunshine, the joy, the laughters...
God, pls help me achieve this.

i must say that i am still very sad, i regret,
there wouldn't be a second chance.. but u given me
.. the tears have not run dry.. and will never run dry for me..
it will never end..
and if i can't make things as good as before
as fun as before
as beautiful as before
.. then i see the end of me..

Island Getaway: Part 1

2008-01-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

Drove up to Changi Village one sunday morning with none other than my one and only girlfriend, who loves the sun, the sea and the sand, Yf.

The day before that, we sat for the "test" , but only to find out, sadly that we had registered and therefore sat for the wrong paper! It was the most expensive mistake we made. How can we be so careless?!!! How to "make it" like this?? There was nothing we can do now, but only to pay $$$ again for the next correct test, and of course, enjoy the rest of our off days which we had planned for.

After the written test, we joined kev at sento.

then, the following day, went to changi village. actually, we wanted to go to Pulau Ubin but decide to wait for kev, to go with.

then, the following that day, after we sat for our oral/speech test, we went to sento again. Reached sento and it rained so heavily. Again nothing much we can do about it, so we played under the rain. We ignored the Red Flag, and got whistled away by the lifeguards, to stay out of the water.

And the next morning , Kev's day off and the 3 of us went for a short island getaway.. to Pulau Ubin, of course. Part 2 for pictures taken from Yf's digicam. We were not able to cover the whole island on that day, cos yf had to work nite that day. So, part 3 .. anytime soon.

So basically, nothing much was done over that weekend but just fun! fun! fun! And I love it!!! Well... except for having that thought of paying $$$ to re-do the test!

Sunrise at Desaru

2008-01-23T10:13:00.000+08:00

The morning was cool and breezy, with the high waves crashing to its golden sandy beach. We were at the beach as early as 0630hrs.. took some photos by the beach while waiting for the sun to come out. The sun, eventually made its appearance from behind the clouds and gave that beautiful picture- perfect sun rays instead. Awesome.

Think we were the only guests at that resort. We had the beach all to ourselves.

After preparing the food stuff for the evening bbq, we quickly got changed and eager to hit the beach. Before crossing over a small wooden bridge, stood a red flag with a signboard stating that the beach is closed as it is not safe for swimming. But we chose to ignore it.

We held hands and ran straight towards the sea, and were ready to be swept away by the strong and high waves back to the shore.. Had great fun playing with great company of friends who loves the sun, the sea, and nature.

With the help of GPS, think we can safely visit Desaru again in the near future. And maybe, the next time, Kev will allow me to drive on Malaysia road.

nOise in my tummy..

2008-01-09T01:37:00.000+08:00

blogging while my junoir sent one of my patient for an MRI brain/MRA, and while the other 2 either playing games or glued to you tube. not everytime i get to relax and do this.. most of the time, i would struggle with IVs around this time.. but not tonight. Tonight i can breathe eventhough, there's 4 new cases to attend to, still waiting for the 1 to be admitted.

Can't open my eyes .. so dead tired today. The 2 episodes of vomiting earlier this afternoon, is making me feel so weak and drowsy. Looking pale when stepped into the ward, noticed by some here. And if only i have not answered that phone call, maybe i would not be kept awake and having this abdominal discomfort and vomitted. Arrgh,.. i can hear my tummy juices churning...

Lots of food in the ward.. ordered pizza.. and a colleague brought some donuts, but just couldn't make myself enjoy eating it. Oh... there goes the sound in my tummy again! Am I hungry or what? But i am afraid to eat, afraid that i might jus throw up again.

Since the ward's a little less hectic, i think i better take a short nap. Been standing, in this utility room using the phlebo's laptop updating my long time never updated blog. Better get out before i faint in here..

Actually, my colleague, Shikin asking.. on my updates ,the previous night. Well girl, here it is.

Well actually, there's so much going on in my life.. all the past events, good and bad, happy and sad.. memories of it all, etched in my head.. everyday when i am alone, on a bus or mrt journey to/from work/home, for instance, i think about my life, my wrong doings, my ugly behaviour, what more can i do to improve on myself, thinking of some of the things i should focus on, people i love and must care for, ...and so on, which have it all reflected and probably blogged in my head instead :)

Together we finish this..

2007-12-05T14:24:00.001+08:00

All i wanted from this year's marathon was to finish the run with Kevin and have our photo taken side-by-side, towards the finishing line.

Of course, we did worst than last year!

No preparation what-so-ever , just whack. Oh.. the only prep we did was, that we went for a neck-shoulder massage and foot reflexology on the night before the run.

Kevin was down with flu for the past few days and still not well till today. It's the weather, these days.
Very bad of me .. made him run the full marathon.

As for me, I was recovering from lower back strain. Was on medical leave for 7 days prior to the marathon day. My back does not cause much pain at all while running or walking. It hurts only when trying to sit and getting up from a sitting or lying position. So i don't really care much about my back pain while running.

We were running at a very comfortable pace, until we reached 21km mark, Kev started to have his cramps. And that was it. At 30km, my turn to have aches and cramps. We jogged, walked, stopped for stretching.. applied muscle rubs, took pain killers..

... oh yes.. we were very hungry too. ..

The cramps kept coming very 2 to 3 minutes, so we decided to power walk the rest of the 10km or so, till we reached the end.. finally..

Satisfied that I get to have this photo taken in this year's run. We may not be doing this together next year, so this could be ours, one and only.

the way to "i want out"

2007-11-27T09:49:00.000+08:00

step 1: register -------> step 2: results -----------> step 3: submit

Shhhh.. Do not disturb!!

2007-11-27T09:02:00.000+08:00

That's what's written on the back of our jacket which we need to put on during medication rounds, expecting no one to disturb us while dispensing medicines to prevent errors. But does it work?

Patients, patient's relatives and doctors still walk up or call us from faraway .. disrupting our medication rounds. Worst still if it's our very own nursing officers or clinicians. They are the ones who wants us to put on the jackets , and yet, they are the ones who would come interrupt with our work flow.

Maybe they can't see that we are wearing the jacket. Well it used to be lighter blue, close to our blue scrub.. that could be the reason that the jacket is now changed to dark maroon, so that people can notice it better..

but what's the use if these people kept coming to us. So who needs to change? the people around us or the jacket?

there's actually no need for any jacket to be worn since no one reads the message behind my back.. and most of the time, we are facing the patients , so how can we expect them to know what's written behind my back. Well of cos, they will be able to read it once i turn around.. but then we won't have the same patient everyday. Somemore, most of the patients cannot read English!! No matter how big the sign is, it won't help!

I don't blame my patients or their relatives. they are not part of the system. whenever they come to us during medication rounds, we would not turn them down. and at the same time, we will explain about the use of the jacket on us.

but to those who are in the system, who created this system for donkey years.. They have no excuse..

Anyway, still i feel there's no need to put on the jacket, since we can't stop these people from coming to us. Super blind they must be.. isn't the medicine trolley big enough to indicate that we are serving medicine?!

Magic leave

2007-11-21T15:40:00.000+08:00

Already applied leave on this day, 02 Dec, still pending for approval, but if not granted.. no choice la... have to take "magic" leave.

Sometimes, in some cases.. the leave not granted.. report for work.. then, u find out that one of ur colleague called up during ur shift to report sick!!!
That happened to me once before.. and i hate it... heart pain!

almost 1 yr in this service, and i still hate this place. me and yf been saying it, showing it but still we are here, while half of whom we know have already left !!! Felt stupid actually.. talked and showed so much anger and frustration but still we're surviving..!! Well, it's ok la.. it's not that we hate nursing .. we love our job. I think, the more me and yf talked abt our love hate relationship with our work and stuff.. it has actually kept us going.. until the day we actually leave for good.. only God knows when..

Why are our polar bears green in colour?

2007-11-21T14:29:00.000+08:00

oh.. i enjoy driving now.. been driving to work for the past week or so, fun..
i am loving it. But then, i have to learn to relax while driving with kev next to me.

Drove to the zoo yesterday.. wasn't sure if it's per entry charge or not ..
it only states something like this on the gantry.. " FRee Parking? Join the Zoo Friend ... "

but u know, the park so big.. surely take time to walk.. anyway.. it's a once a lifetime visit.., so it's ok. Cannot be too calculative hor..already got free admission .. so I paid $3.90 for parking.. get to see the white tiger, polar bear, lion, giraffe, pig!.. except the sun bear! every time, cannot find the sun bear... and the map size getting smaller.. don;t have to open map big big..

like yesterday.. but better..

2007-11-01T15:48:00.000+08:00

no matter how busy.. we still get to do what was already been planned.

Ran for that 15km New Balance Real Run last weekend, after 2 nights of super back2back heavy metal concert.. Megadeth and Black Sabbath .. at Fort Canning Park,was great. Bigger turnout for the latter. Bought their latest CDs .. and Megadeth T-shirt.

did not train for the run.. in fact i never been serious.. jus whack. though i went for the trial run on 14th Oct, i did not complete the 15km, skipped the beach and trail. The thought of facing the hot sun, running that stretch of the runway.. was a real torture!

But i finally made it.. and of cos, kevin is so proud of me even though i took 2hrs.
the results and photos not out yet.. hopefully the photographers got take snaps of me! i want to see how tired i look.. must be ugly-looking!

next, will be full marathon on 3 Dec.

time to train? if i have the energy, i will..

after work, usually too tired to do anything.. except for movies and eat.
most times, i slept in the movies too..
what a waste of money!

tried a couple of times, running from work to home, but never get to reach home..
called kevin to rescue me or continue with MRT.

to leave or, to stay..

2007-11-01T14:58:00.000+08:00

some nursing friends have already resigned. how i wish i am in their shoes.
for breaking the bond might cost me 17k to 20k, equivalent to about 10mths of pay..
been thinking .. work hard next 10mths,with higher pay to pay off the bond and then, back to normal..and seek for other opportunities.

.. or suffer for the next 26 months, handling as many as 10 to max 20 cases?

we were asked: why the high MC rate?
for "she" who have worked for over 20yrs.. doesn't she know the answer?

"tired" was the only answer we can think of.. but it was considered as just an excuse. But the 1 day rest is and can never be enough. We're encouraged to clear our annual leave.. but there's no slot for clearance.. so how? encashment? i want my break.. long break.. if possible..
i got abt 13 days to clear ... of which, can only bring forward four days over to 2008 AL. so how?

2007 Army Half Marathon

2007-09-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

This yr's run not as stressful.. straight road, the longest route was the along East Coast park. Kevin ran with me.. till almost towards the end, we parted. After 15km, he started to feel the pain again on his knees. Ran slowly and a few times, we caught up with each other again.

Last yr kevin accompanied me up till the Fort Road and waited for me at the finish. Towards the end, i got asthma attack. rested 15 mins.. and continued running.. finished at 3:05 somewhere there.. This yr.. thank God, no attacks, but i finished at 3:01. No diff at all. But i did not walk that much..in fact kevin was bedide me motivating me tto keep on running.. not to stop. Hmm... nevermind la.. felt like wanting to give up this running altogether.. but last monday, i registered for the 15km Real Run, paid 30 bucks for that!! waliau.. it's not getting any cheaper!! hopefully the goodie pack is worth the fee.

anyway.. still have to keep on running .. as i have already registered for this yr's full marathon.

Think those are the only 2 remaining runs i'll be looking forward to.

@Work.. too much politics in the ward itself, worst than in any big organisations. Did not report to work yesterday eventhough i had my day off the day before, after been working for 7 days.. ( where got work 6 days week one!! liar..) i am tired and may just get sick. No breaks again at work .. Feeling frustrated with how things are.. with everything... and everybody... .. watever.

Went to sentosa on my off day. And went for short run yesterday.. thinking that i would feel better.. but nah.. i got sick..runny nose.. teary eyes.. sneeze non-stop.. so decided to laze at home.. reported mc for yesterday. Basically .. i need more rest, that's all i want!!! I want a 6 day work week .. not 7 or 8 day work week!!!

12 Aug: Wedding cum Birthday celebration..

2007-09-06T14:07:00.000+08:00

Congratulations to... TLR and Fd!

Happy Birthday... Fd!

2007-08-22T17:18:00.000+08:00

suppose to go for blood test tdy after work but i totally forgotten. jus like what i wanted..once done.. game over. left the ward almost immediately.

tmr must make sure to go to the clinic to have my blood taken.

work was smooth.. but somehow.. pple still want to double check my work.. don;t believe me is it? go ahead.. question me.. double check my work .. i can wait.

2007-08-21T23:10:00.000+08:00

so tired..................

morning shift almost everyday till saturday. morning shift the toughest.

but i must make sure not to make any mistakes.. medication error, documentation and so on. don;t let anyone bully me.

work fast but must be thorough.. alert and consistent. make sure to manage my time well. make sure my juniors got to get to for their breaks.

i don't eat also never mind. i will not complaint. finish work nice nice..
pass over and go home.

peace.

2007-08-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

i do not have my mobile in my pockets while at work, so the first thing i do whenever i go for my break is to reach for my mobile to check for messages.

this morning i rec'd 2 smses, one said sorry to hear abt my pt's passing on.. and the second was "my dear,how's the tension at work ? tell me later when u're free " it almost made me cry.. quietly and quickly left the ward, for my break at the kopitiam instead of ta-pau-ing it up. spend some quiet time at the corner with my music and new paper. really need a break from the ward. not that i hate the pple i am working with today. it's just that i don't like the way they talk to me. i know that i might have done something wrong or they just don't like the way i am.. i don;t know..
we can always talk nicely.. there's no need to shout and throw things, showing temper in front of patients. at times, i felt that i was being bullied..no respect, and i felt very "small" , i felt there's generation gap among us (majority 10yrs my jr).. but it's alright. i shall stay calm and not fight back.. something which i don't do in public. and it's not my style. sometimes, keeping quiet would do some good. And so, i did just that this morning at work. Kept to myself most of time, talk when necessary ..

(they actually looked for me.. during my break. wondering where i've been... )

i did not reply to the sms till we met later in the evening, and by then, i totally forgotten all about the tension i had with the pple around me. never in past working experience, had anyone shouted at me. totally shocked.
the sms did mean a lot to me at that moment. though i do confide with my other colleagues.. but i can't show them how depressed i was. their words did hurt a little but i can't cry. i felt disappointed and angry at the same time too. told myself that i must be strong. i had to.

i felt better knowing he cares, .. and it's all because of him that i am able to be strong and face the challenges (but mostly, shit) .. emotionally and mentally. i am not alone.

Finally, i finished with that incident report, submitted and now jus have to wait for pple up there to discuss and feedback. surely kena marked liao.

then after work, decided to go break free .. went to PartyWorld at Yishun Safra, happy hours with Marichelle.

then kev came.

went to watch Bourne Ultimatum.
RAte: 4/5 ( would have been 5/5, but i slept during some exciting parts)

last friday, watched Rush Hour 3.
RAte: 4/5 (didn't sleep, funny but not so exciting, same kind of fighting.. but the jokes, best!)

But the best movie so far i've watched this mth, was FlashPoint. Rate: 5/5 ( never blink eyes .. mouth open big big.. handsome actors.. fighting, best!)

2007-08-18T18:02:00.001+08:00

the patient died..

on my last night, about 2am, my colleague came to me .. said that the patient requested to speak to his son. cos he said that he's dying.. i said ok .. let's call him up but most of my colleagues were against my decision. it was too late to call the family.. and anyway, the patient always request for the same thing almost everyday. so we all chose to ignore.

the patient, was planned to be discharged today, saturday .. either back home or hospice. i was looking forward to see him after my 2 days off, but only to find out that he had passed away.

maybe, he knew that there's no one at home waiting for him since his wife is currently lying at SGH. and he knew that he's condition couldn't take him any further.

this is the same patient, i made that medication error. the one that i had to write up the incident report, which till now.. i have yet to complete. I hope my error did not contribute to his death.

i regret not calling his son on the night he requested for it. i should have just gone with my gut feelings.. and not listen to my colleagues. :(

2007-08-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

so i decided to pack my stuff.. dumped my bag in the locker and ran 2 rounds around yishun park. and now i am sleepy... kev on his way home from SIM, will be home anytime now.

Oh, i have a new neighbour. chinese. with 1 kid. a granny. a dog.
met up with the couple, eric and evan, but never the dog. the dog's sharp and loud bark simply irritates me. somehow, the owner knew and apologise. told them i got cats and apparently they knew too. but don;t think they know how many i have, hehehe..

today i finally get to see their pet doggy.. .. it appeared at their front door balcony gate..barking at me.. then someone say shhhhh!! and then shut the door.
ha!
It is smaller that a standard small sized cute sort of doggy ..
but one thing very certain.. my cats are bigger .. and also, my cats fiercer ... my cats' paws more solid. think i better get a pet insurance, just in case .. my cats attack poor doggy.

Actually, I don't mind dogs.. bigger better.. small ones very irritating..they too hyper... run here.. run there.. not direction one. bark here and there.. don;t know what they want .. noisy! i hope i will not accidently kick it ..

kevin's back.. gonna sleep early..

2007-08-16T17:42:00.000+08:00

oh... i jus realised that kevin got class tonight :(
now i really don;t know what to do.. i thot that would be seeing him like right now..
but NO!!!! he'll be back at 11.

guess.. i eat alone, don;t have to open mouth today..no one to talk to..
self talk with blogger .. sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
but don;t think i can stay quiet very long with my lappy.........

hmmm... let's see.. maybe now i go get towel.. take a stroll through the parks to go safra.. then dip dip.. then chomp chomp.. then walk walk again..

ok set... got my music to accompany me...and nice weather.. BEST ..!

(sometimes.. it feels great to be all alone once a while (kev's alone time always spent at sentosa on his off days while i at work )... but then.. being alone.. too much self talk and think too much, flashbacks of some good old happy sad bitter sweet sour tasteless.. memories.. .. some make me smile , some can make me cry.. , i like actually.. to have that a little time to be all by myself)

2007-08-16T16:26:00.000+08:00

arghhhh... i overslept!!!! not that i have anything to do or have i missed anything.. the whole afternoon almost gone.. and i do nothing, but sleep, which i actually need but don't want. my mind telling me go out .. do something, but my body wants to rest.. but my stomach complaining of hunger....

at safra this morning, when i registered the 12km fun run for kevin, the recept lady asked whyi looking so sad and tired..
sad..? yeah.. there are so many reason why i was and still feeling sad about..

tired.. ? cos i walked around looking for provision shop selling towels!!!

told her that i want towel.. !!! she said go to provision shop outside the club.. cheap cheap one.. i said to her i already did that .. but shops not open yet.. i was hoping that she could spare me one towel.. compliments from the club.. from their gym or got sell... some thing like that.. as long as i can go play water!!!

now waiting for kevin to come home.. yeah!!!

hungry..

2007-08-16T10:08:00.001+08:00

i don't care. i left the ward without telling her. She wanted me to stay behind after my night duty to finish up with that e-hor ( occurance report) aka incident report. i really don't care... i am tired. i have been not leaving on the dot for the past 2 days .. i am tired. tired of everything and everyone.

yesterday.. i left the ward at 10am .. trying to finish up with that stupid report, but still not completed.. more to do still..but i had to stop cos my eyes couldn't take it anymore. tired and hungry..

was so tired that i missed my stop. boarded the train.. closed eyes.. open eyes.. i saw AMK Hub.. close eyes again cos till got 2 more stations to go.. jus when i opened my eyes again.. ting tong..doors closing.. I missed my stop.. sigh* closed eyes again cos the next stop quite far... then... "ting tong.. doors closing.." oh shit!! not again!!! got up ..stood by the exit door.. alight at next station, waited for another train across the platform .. this time.. making sure that my eyes open big big. if i were to.. open close , open close eyes..again and missed my stop and kept crossing platforms .. like pin ball, i'll never get home.., i might as well just sit and sleep in the train..

that was yesterday..

the day before.. also left the ward at 10plus.. but not that too tired. went to eat breakfast at Northpoint, went straight home.. but couldn't really sleep much.. but jus enough .. 4 hrs.
no wonder.. yesterday .. a bit stoned.

i thought today, since i left earlier.. i could go for a dip dip at safra swim pool. initially the weather was jus perfect.. no sun.. i like.. cannot get dark.. so happy .. but then, something struck me... i've forgotten to bring my bath towel!!! Ala.... wat a waste of time!!! Aiyah... why?!!! brought everything but towel!!! walk shiok shiok ... along the reservior , up the park .. with music and the nice weather.. how come... i can forget my towel!!! Fated to go home .. sad.. don't like to be home alone.. hate to sleep.. it's simply a waste of time.

Anyway.. on my way home.. ... dark clouds took over the sky.. and it started to drizzle and it got heavy... wah.. lagi happy!!! play in the rain ... shiok!!!! walk slowly .. enjoy.. the rain , my music .. very cold... but shiok. Best!! ... yoohoo!!!

maybe later see how.. if weather good.. either go run or swim...

as for now.. i find food .. then sleep.

28 July : Overnite BBQ at Aloha Changi

2007-08-02T16:46:00.000+08:00

Post-bbq.. Faris and me were discussing.. while clearing up the mess and till last nite before i left for night duty that, we should make another party and the next time...there will be lesser food but more playtime.. and we are thinking of Sentosa. No bbq, but catered food instead.

First of all, Alhamdullilah, the weather was very kind to us. The heavy rain stopped when we reached there at 1430hrs, drizzling only, unload some stuff and Kev had to leave to fetch our 2nd load of stuff from his parents. And after that, he left again.. back home to get the DVD- Karaoke player with subwoofer and speakers (but somehow the system does not sound as good as it is at home). I can't remember how many trips he made to and fro .. as I was busy with the final preparation.. Fried Bihun, sting ray wraps, prawn wraps, kebak sticks and baked potatoes. . almost had panic attack.. so litte time .. so many things had to be done..

About 6pm, the first 2 guests came.. Theresa and Jerene.. Kev's colleague. . At that time.. paiseh still in my shorts. Quickly got changed before many other guests arrived and mistaken me for a maid. Soon after.. streams of people came.. mostly Kevin's colleagues and friends whom some were unfamiliar to him. But we welcomed them anyway.. really felt good when word of mouth reaches to those who heard and turned up unexpectedly. Very greatful and many heartfelt thank you to all who came and to those who tried to come but cannot make it.

There were many cars pulling up at the entrance, and we had to lookout to see who just arrived. If it's chinese.. then it's Kevin's side.. and if it's non-chinese.. then, it was like a guessing game.. " Who's guest? When he asked me.. i said i don't know. Then i had to asked those around .. I can't recognise and don't know who..

invited some old secondary school friends.. posted my invitation at the forum.. so some of those who came .. either i don't know them at all... or i can't recognised them cos they have all changed.

I was worried that i was not able to entertain my guests .. Running, Skipping and rolling from unit A to unit C, wanting to make sure that everyone's ok and comfortable, had their food and drinks.. and having a wonderful time, jus as much as i enjoyed every minute of it. ME tired .. not at all..

It was really an overnite BBQ .. still having pple to eat in-between games after midnight onwards. Some of Kevin's friends were looking forward for some mahjong and card games.. but can't do much of that cos the food takes time to be cooked and we actually started the fire a little too late but it was alright... everything went well .. and everybody enjoyed the food..

We started clearing up when everyone asleep . That was all.. we left the place at 10am.

As we reached Yishun, it began to rain. Unload the leftovers and stuff.. and now the house is in a big mess. Not tidying it up cos.. too tired, got to sleep.. to prepare to stay up again .. night shift for the next 3 days.

Jus returned from nite duty today and i am still feeling fresh..

22 July:Mizuno Run 2007

2007-07-24T10:42:00.000+08:00

This is the 3rd time i took part in Mizuno Run and i think this will be the last. First of all, the goodie bag is getting lighter. Used to have food samples, drinks, etc.. but now.. nothing but only the running T with the shoe bag. I remembered the very first time I look part in 2004, there were more than just a goodie bag. There was personalised certificate with photo (no time stamping though but it was worth it.. ) And the registration fee was $15. This time, it's $20. Secondly.. the running route. For the past years, it used to be at Kovan Hub (hougang) -Old Tampines Road and back to Kovan Hub. I hated that route.. demoralising. Very dry and boring.. and told myself no more Mizuno Run .. But this yr, since they changed the route to Bedok Reservoir, we decided to give another go for it. So there.., we went to sign up at our own will and ran at our own risk.. bottle necks here and there..constructions areas.. if not for the morning the heavy rain.. think runners will not be hoping here and there to avoid the mud and puddles of water.. As for me.. i just splashed on it.. as i am so used to running at Mac Ritchie.. similar running ground. I don't care about my new Nike Free.. can't be avoided. I really hated the run.. crowded at the beginning and even had to walk.. congested. I started fast.. as i wanted to get away from the crowd.. what more.. Drowning Pool was playing in my ears.. couldn't help it.. but to run fast.. then... what happened next.. ? I got tired too fast and slowed down. And when i saw Kevin passed by.. i wanted to give up already. I called him to tell him that. He waited twice after 5km and 6km. Ran together.. but i couldn't keep up. My breathing not so good too. Took a few puffs during my run.. i fear that i might have asthma attack along the way.. and i didn't see any medical station. I really hated the run.. well, there were some other reasons for wanting to quit . The day before the run, I went to see Dr for my UTI (urinary tract infection) and i constantly got the urge to pee. So when i ran.. i held my bladder.. then, causing me to have that back pain. And I still had that leftover headache from the day before and plus.. I got my "girlfriend" .. so uncomfortable... simply put.. no mood la for this run. But .. the weather was good.. after the rain effect.. cooling and breezy. So why not..try to enjoy the run. We reached late.. started running at about 10 mind to 8am. Finished at 9am.

After that, we went to Changi Village to try the famous nasi lemak. Hmmm, wonder what's so nice about it. Nothing special .. little serving of rice..which i think it's good. But again.. nothing special la..

Next, we tried kayaking.. $15 for one hour. Double kayak. Fun.. relaxing..and all wet..

Then washed car.. played with water!!! Ended the day at about 2 plus.. Kevin helped with washing our dirty shoes while i clean up our messy house. Then it rained again.. we slept throughout the evening .. woke up at around after midnight.. get back to sleep again at 3am.

15, 16 July : Trip to Kukup

2007-07-23T08:29:00.000+08:00

Drove up to Kukup last weekend with Kevin's colleagues. An experience to live in a house just above waters. But it was low tide or no tide at all during the day.. so we get to see living creatures like crabs, snakes, snails and mud skipper. It looked dirty actually beneath, on the sea bed.. or should i say.. swamp.. cos the house is near to the mangrove. U can find dead animals.. but mostly dead fish. And all the junk and litters. I saw the residents just simply threw their litters out from their window. Low tides.. or no tide.. allows the monkeys to come out to play on land and also .. get to see rats.. big rats.. running, finding food. Occasionally u will hear the sound of water pouring down from underneath the house.. ah,.. that water.. are dirty water from the toilets.. no sewage facility. All natural.. Big and small business done all drop from under the house.. quite unsightly but that's still part of life over there. That is the only thing that reminded me of the trip.. besides the floating kelong. I love nature .. so i don't mind. But somehow, i need to be accompanied by Kevin in the toilet to bathe. I was afraid that anything from underneath the toilet bowl, something might just climb up to surprise me..eeeeioww.. scared!

Lost..

2007-06-24T11:56:00.000+08:00

Morning run on a Sunday feels different from any other day.. the sun seems brighter.. the sky so blue and the people seemed friendlier.. So this morning.. i decided to go beyond Lower Seletar Reservoir, thinking that it will led me to Yio Chu Kang.. somewhere along Lentor. But nope... I found myself running along the Seletar runway.. after the Seletar Country Club. I've never been to this place before.. i simply followed some cyclist .. surely it will bring me to somewhere.. so there's nothing to worry about. The stretch of road was like endless .. , 2-lanes traffic and no safe pavement to run. I didn't know where i was really till i saw some road names and directions. No other souls along the road, except for the oncoming cars, lorries and motorist were travelling at fast speed. Felt a little frightened and lost. But i carried on running..
Finally i ended up at the entrance of Seletar Camp .. where i saw the familiar TransIsland bus no 858.
I could take the bus home.. but then.. i decided to continue .. ran towards Jalan Kayu, got myself 100 plus and continued..till I reached Yio Chu Kang Road- AMK industrial area..
I ended up at Yio Chu Kang Mrt, took train home. Enjoyed my Sunday morning run.. i hope to do it again..with Kevin. Don't want to venture alone.

2007-06-20T13:37:00.000+08:00

The ward's full house and the night went smoothly except for the occassional call bells asking for bed pan. The men had their urinals by their bed side.. and there's this one patient whom we hate to attend, a 25yr old Mr Bed 57. He was admitted for tibia fracture after playing football, and ORIF done to his right tibia 2 days ago. Other body parts, especially his 2 upper limbs are fine and functional.. but strangely, whenever he wanted to pee, he would require our assistance to hold his penis into the urinal bottle!! So each time, he pressed the call bell ..our first guess was that he wanted us for that reason, and none of us wanted to go to him. But we got no choice and not let the call bell ring for very long.

Another call bell queen would be Aunty Bed 32, on diapers and constantly peeing every hour to 2 hours .. so we changed her at least 3 times.

The best patient for the night would be 60+ year old New Zealander MR Bed 48 who stayed up with us, playing somekind of strategic game on his laptop. Then, about 5am, found him already changed to clean pyjamas and reading his book.

I was not tired at all, had my meal with the rest of my colleagues. The SNs even managed to take half to one hr nap, but i didn't. Not tired or sleepy at all, surfed the internet.. drank lots of water, 2 cups of coffee and 1 cup of chocolate cereal drink.

Thought that i could go for a swim after work.. but while waiting for the doctor to see Kev for his URTI, my eyes cannot open .. dozed off.. wah.. sleepy to the max.

Reached home about 1030hrs, quickly bathed and zzzzzzzzzz

Phone call woke me up and and could not get back to zzzzz again.
Felt hungry. Got up, do some laundry and cooked myojo.

Lower Seletar Reservoir

2007-06-19T09:55:00.000+08:00

jus returned from morning run... and the morning has been kind.. breezy and not too hot.

Set out after kev left for work.. did some stretching at the void deck, time checked 0745hrs .., and with Alannah Myles' Bad For You playing .. off i went. Ran the usual route towards Yishun Park. Instead of heading towards Safra Country Club, i decided to go left and head to Orchid Country Club and continue my way up to Lower Seletar.
The morning traffic wasn't busy at all, cool weather and quite breezy . Saw only 1 jogger and 2 walkers.. along the stretch of the OCC road.

Time checked: 0825hrs..i reached the reservior. No joggers seen but young boys fishing. Many cars and lorries passing by .. and got police patrolling the area too, and there's the road cleaners.. so i think it's safe to come here again..

I'm not too sure how far i have ran. I am jus glad that i reached somewhere. Satisfied.

While running, i took note of some songs which are good for running. Some songs from White Zombie, Drowning Pool, Alannah Myles, Angel Dust, Cinderalla, Alter Bridge, Creed and Taiwan's ShiN.. kept me going...

Took some time to appreciate my surroundings ... took some pics.. and jogged home.

Cinderalla's Coming Home gave a perfect ending to today's run. Best!!

2007-06-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

starting night duty from tomorrow onwards for three nights.. then sleepday, PH and off day.. Yeah.. can play!!! But then, kev is not feeling well. His face was red when i met him this evening. He picked me up from YT Mrt to visit my parents. They returned from Umrah this afternoon.

Over at my parents', he had an episode of SOB.. thank god i got my ventolin in the car. After dinner and the puff, think he felt better and after our little nephews and niece with their parents left, Kevin fell asleep on my lap while watching the tv. My poor husband.. been working very hard for the past few weeks and mths . And not having enough sleep too. Whenever i had to got to work in the morning, he too had to wake up early .. as early as 0545hrs, to send me to work. Sometimes, i wanted to leave the house while he's sleeping. So tonight, sleep more.. no pc for u.. I love you. Pls get better, so that i won't worry abt u when i am at work. You know, I always need to be with you whenever u're not well.
Gave him muscle relaxant tabs.. hopefully he'll be able to sleep well and be ok tmr when he wakes up. ( i better finish this up to join him in bed)

it's audit day today and my ward failed again. not going to talk abt it cos i don't care and i don't give a damn.

been wanting to cut my hair.. and so i did today after work. still kept the length but had it layered... my head's so light now.. that i feel like going for a run...

so, run ... it will be..for me, tomorrow morning , to somewhere .. not too sure yet..

I want out..

2007-06-17T00:02:00.000+08:00

Last week was one of the worst weeks i ever had at work. I almost broke down into tears while working on that very day.. after i told off the Nurse Clinician that she can extend my probation as long as she wants if she thinks i still need improvement or incompetent. My probation period supposed to end this month.. and,I actually told her that i am not looking forward to my confirmation day. I really don't care...

No point complaining so much abt work to these group of people who checks on our clinical skills.. it won't change anything.. they expects too much from us when they given us lousy training..

Last week, i was assessed on resuscitation. I failed to meet a few criteria.. they are: name the things i can find in the e-trolley.. drawer by drawer.. and the common drugs. The rest of it.. preparing/ assisting with ETT , bagging and AED - passed.

AED.. Automated External Defibrillator .. I am not trained to use this equipment at all. Even if not trained , we are expected to know it's functions and able to function it. No problem.. i can do.. i can answer to all the questions asked.. but there's no need for you people to say something like " oh.. u're the SMCP batch" and give me that look as if my batch cannot make it. At the end of it.. she added on and said " well u're ok but still need to be prompted".

Obviously i failed in that stupid assessment, and i had to face my ward clinician for another round of re-assessment. How to pass?? Nothing was given to us to read. U expect us to go to Route21 or the E-learning .. where got time? She told me that she was a bit disappointed with my performance.. that i was doing well as a student but now has slackened.. ..
She suggestted that i should stay back after work to go through the processess.. HELLO!! u pple been single all ur life.. and not having any life outside... think that i got a lot of time ,is it?!!! That was the day when I really wanted to give up !! The day when i told her that she can extend my probation as long as she like.. it doesn't really matter..
So what if i am confirmed? No extra pay .. still have to face the same shit every day.

On that same day.. the Pain Team was doing their round and questioning me patient's condition..and their pain medicine..all this questioning ..while i was serving medication and at that same time.. the doctors were haunting me for missing case files!!!! It was worst than a fish market!! They made me confused.. too much noise in my head!!! and the Inpatient Medical Records where so messy.. which caused me to make 1 medication error. I placed the wrong medicine to a wrong patient and worst part was that the Pain Team saw it and pointed it out to me.. kena from her left right centre.. in front of patient..and doctors.. make me name all the medication in that medicine cup which i had dispensed. I was so damn confused.. deep inside, i was crying for help.. These people should know better that I should not be disturbed while serving medicines..!!!! That morning, i took the longest time to finish with serving medicine. I went without food and drink on that day.. finish work at 4.30pm instead of the official 3pm. Thanks to all the health care professionals who took away my precious break time.

I don;t know what to feel after what had happened. I don;t really mind the work.. but it is the way how things are going at work, which i hate. Told my bestfriend abt it.. and the more she tried to comfort me..made me cry.. we both experienced the similar situation.. or even worst in her case.. we are very sad to be trapped in this organisation.. Not feeling that too well emotionally.. i skipped work the following day.

Movie cum Pool Day

2007-06-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

Jus signed up for this yr's Mizuno Wave Run today. It will be held on 22 July, and no longer at Kovan Hub. This year's run will be starting from Tampines Polytechinic Sports Stadium - Bedok Reservoir Loop - North along TP Main Road - and ends at TP Sports Stadium. I would like to recce the route one day if i have the time to do so, but meantime.., i'll jus run around my usual neighbouring area. With the new 10-km route, I hope to do better than last yr's 1hr 13mins.

It's Movie Day today organised by Kevin's company, at discounted price.. we watched Fantastic 4.. better than Pirates of the Caribbean. But, Ocean 13 is better.

After movie, we headed to Marina Square.. where i registered for the run and the guys played a few rounds of pool. I did too but i wasn't good at all.. i don't even know how to hold the stick. Maybe it's not my kind of game, but i would love to learn..

Drove the guys home.. and washed our dirty car at the end of the day. Did a quick wash so that we can rest early tonight.. as we both got to work tomorrow morning..

So far, today has been good. Good movie, good food, and good pool session - as what kevin said. It would have been almost a "fantastic" day, if not for the constant phonecalls kevin received from his boss and colleaques, asking him about work!!

i honestly love you

2007-06-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

Maybe i hang around here
A little more than i should
We both know i got somewhere else to go
But i got something to tell you
That i never thought i would
But i believe you really ought to know

I love you
I honestly love you

You don't have to answer
I see it in your eyes
Maybe it was better left unsaid
This is pure and simple
And you should realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head

I love you
I honestly love you

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
I'm not trying to make you anything at all
But this feeling doesn't come along everyday
And you shouldn't blow the chance
When you've got the chance to say

I love you
I honestly love you

If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here i am with mine
So i guess we'll just be leaving it at this

I love you
I honestly love you

I honestly love you
______________________________________
Artist: Olivia Newton-john
Album: If You Love Me Let Me Know
Title: I Honestly Love You

A Good Morning.. and still is

2007-06-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

This morning i decided to go for a short run after i was been told to rise and shine.. It was about 1115hr and the weather was good and windy.. but later on, the sun was just above my head and i could not take the heat.. but overall, it was a good late morning run..

After returning home from the run, had quick bite, shower and off for work.

Best part of today.. No Monday blues... I did not feel tired at work and even till now.. i am fully awake.
At work, everything went smoothly .. no hiccups.. Plus, i got to take my dinner .. and drank lots of water and able to go toilet, which i don't really get to do for the past few days/weeks..

And my colleaque, B.. who assists me.. came to me and said.. " I love U" for whatever reasons.. i replied to her, that i love her too, and we hugged. Awwww... Love is in the air..

Oh dear.. i don't know how am i going to cope tomorrow morning at work. I should be sleeping right now.. Kevin already sleeping.. while my eyes still wide open.. just like this morning..

Set my alarm at 0520hrs.. .. looking forward for Tuesday.. hopefully it will be jus as good as today..

Plans for tmr: Movie at GV plaza @ 8pm.

2007-04-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

a friend told me that we can't possibly understand how others feel if we are not there to experience it..............and ............ we never thought that we will be paid that miserably and we were being over-worked, with only 1 rest day per week.

and............ it is not that we got to rest on the 7th day after 6 days of hard work.. on bad situations, we struggled 8 days then, scheduled for rest on 9th day.

morning shifts starts at 7. another friend of mine stayed somewhere far in the west.. has to get up as early as 0500hrs i think so that she can reach work by 0645hrs. She didn't usually have to do this.. but because lately, her car which she used to drive to work daily, which she parked at her usual Staff car park, was being clamped. Reason being that she is just a Staff Nurse. Staff Nurses not entitled for a lot. She was told not to drive to work since there's no lots for SNs.. by the security officers.

these are some of the things i hate about my work and workplace
1- unpredictable Off-days
2- miserable pay for the amount of work we do
3- no parking lots for SNs
4- only 2 set of scrubs given.. wear 2-3 times then wash.. where's the infection control..?
5- difficult to take leave

more to list down..

2007-04-11T10:03:00.000+08:00

always looking for off days.. or whenever there's opportunity to play ..
but it seems so hard to comeby

work schedule is killing me..
something is not rite with the system..
or really shortage of staff..

can't stop pple from coming to the A&E
but sometimes.. these pple come for no reason
especially on mondays .. my fren told me..
they came...
complaining of chest pain ..
headache..
gastric pain
muscle spasm.. etc

things that are not to be taken lightly..
so .. got themselves admitted to be observed for a day or 2,
then discharge with mc for a couple more days..

already we got shortage of beds and space..

exhausting our resources...

why like that..

2007-04-11T09:12:00.000+08:00

whatever we say, they, not related to us.. would listen
but whenever we tell it to our own family member, half of the time, they prefer to listen to others...
why is that so?

it's so difficult to be in this line ..
anything good done.. oh..no comment.. no suprise
but should anything go wrong... there'll be lots of queries.. pple start to talk..
why is that so too?

not getting involved would also mean .. like.. knowing it but ignoring , neglecting..
getting involved .. is the same as .. add-on commitment ..stress..

so how.. want to help but time so limited..

stress... time.. are just excuses..

so how now..

caring for the caregiver..

2007-04-11T08:12:00.000+08:00

am getting tired ... too much to handle at work..
am not complaining , not that i am not competent ...
and pls don't tell me about time management...

still new in this line of work .. the past 2 yrs attachments did not exactly
prepare me or any of us for this...
taking on multiple roles at a time... can be very risky..
as everyone chipped in to help one another... it may help or even make things worst

i am lost..
no proper guidance on the work process , jus directions given to me..
jus following instructions .. learn day by day as I moved on...
don't tell me to open up the the work processes to read on it...
cos half of the pcs and cows..(cows on wheels) not functioning..
and no time in my hands to spare for such...

most of the time.. i nurse the papers than the patient..
only see them while serving medicines.. and at the same time do some inspection and PR ..
half of the time.. rushing to do things for each patient
whatever little portion of time i have left are to make calls.. and i hate finding telephone numbers from that one and only black folder.. and i don't know who i am calling for..
and in the end, i have very little or no time to hydrate,
constantly on my feet...
exhausted..
..past few days have not been eating well.. or not eating at all.. jus a bit of curry puff from polar,

one fainted ..
some already taking sick leave

at the end of the day... i take deep breath and stood in the center of the ward,
paused awhile.. relieved.. but i know nothing of what i have done after such hectic day..

staff strength stretched to the limit..
at times, there's a need to call back those on leave or having their off day

off days are precious as we work 6 days week.
so don't expect us to turn on our mobile and being called in

one said.. think for the patient is our priority.. got to care for patient first..
that's where she's wrong..
if only i could say this to her...
" care for the "care-giver"..." and that's us, " so that we can care for others"

with very few of us running the show..
and me .. being new ...
am trying very hard to cope..
doing my best,

hope not to get sick.. and that matters most ..

now.. i am exhausted..

2007-03-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

Nothing much happening.. except that .. recently, i cleared my driving test on 6th March, after 40sessions of practical lessons. My 2nd attempt. Happy la of cos... don't have to step into SSDC anymore.. hated walking to the driving centre from Yio Chu Kang Mrt .. very far.. so very the lazy to walk in.. and i heard that SSDC will be shifting to Woodlands industrial park area... wah.. i can imagine that the place is going to be more ulu (faraway) ..

anyway... people say that at SSDC, it is easy to pass... or very fast can pass..
registered in late April but only started the practical lessons in May last yr.
Didn't go for any practices sometime in july for almost 2mths, and 1 mth in January this yr.. so basically, i took abt 7-8mths.

And now i got a driving license and started driving to work. But unfortunately, can't park at my work place as I am not entitled to have a parking space at all. Stupid rules says that only those ranks as the senior staff nurses and above have the privileges, while the parking lot stated clearly as " Staff Carpark " . Discriminating.. isn't it?

And it's none of their business ( the security officers ) .. that i have a car to drive to work. And they told me that i should take the public transport.. and they even questioned me why i need the car for.. I am totally angry with the whole hospital system now!!

So meantime, Kev took over after I reach the hospital..

Anyway.. i can't drive alone yet. Kevin needs to be beside me.. as i am not steady yet.

2nd Day CNY

2007-02-20T10:25:00.000+08:00

Canceled trip to Sentosa as it was raining very heavily as we passed by the ECP Keppel.. We went visiting instead.. to Serene's and Kenji's place.

Managed to visit Mary's place at Hougang.. before heading home.. Very nice house.. i like it.. spacious, cozy and smells new too....

First Day Chinese New Year

2007-02-18T22:45:00.000+08:00

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Phew..! I almost missed my usual 10am Korean drama on channel U , as i was busy mopping the floor and clearing the rice and soup bowls on the dish rack into the cabinets.

Immediately after the Korean drama ended at noon, went to cold storage to get some groceries to cook for dinner. Need not worry about lunch cos, papa decided to pack "sop kambing" from Jalan Besar Food Center.. very famous one.. nice.. i like..

Serene and Ak came with parents and grandma but left earlier.
Oh.. Gong Gong did not join us today..
Kev's cousins came with their partners.. and stayed till late afternoon. They like cats too..

Later in the evening, Mama rec'd call from Christine in NZ. Her time was close to midnight.. The family chatted over Google Chat .. including popo who has hearing problem..

Lastly, dinner was served.. Cooked Asam Fish Head, Water cres chicken soup, fried eggs with tomatoes and veggies..

My right hand a bit weak now... tired i think..
But i am not complaining..
i like receiving guests..
i enjoy cooking, even though i am not good at it and half of the time,
i got problem deciding on what to cook,
Overall... i like everything that i do for my family..
Everyone is happy today... and Kevin loves me, i know.. *wink wink * hehehe...

Me ...

2007-02-17T23:43:00.000+08:00

Right now.. since yesterday.. kev been watching his chinese drama dvd.. trying to finish it and have it returned asap.

so i am actually a bit bored. i wouldn't know what to do, if we do not have wireless.

i have been reading about health matters, related to my patient's diagnosis.. but it's so difficult to remember what i have read... how ah... i think the grey matter in my brain a lot liao.. i am getting old i know... i got wrinkles .. so obvious that i don't want to smile too wide or laugh hilariously liao.. but if i don't smile and be like how i am, i looked troubled and sad.. and pple start to query.. i feel that i am looking so old and behaving like one too when i am with my new colleagues.. whom most of them are more than 7 yrs younger ..i am one of the oldest.. and i am older than my preceptor! Grey hair starting to be obvious too ... and..uhhh.. kev still looking so good... how ah...

lately, yf said that i am fat! OMG... i better do something... i have not been running since the ultra end last year.. better get back to running to shed some weight and start toning up .. got weights at home also never make use.. useless me.

Ok .. my resolution ... Don't be lazy !

A Quiet.. Chinese New Year Eve...

2007-02-17T23:25:00.000+08:00

kevin said.. every time, on eve of CNY .. every where quiet... like ghost town..

The hospital is quiet too. My ward.. one room is closed.. no occupancy. But i bet, after CNY, there surely have a lot of admission.. diabetic patients especially.

tonight me and kev had our own reunion dinner... from left over food from the night before... a mini steamboat..

I am now thinking of what to cook for tomorrow... rice with dishes or fried bihun?

I think some of kev's relatives will be visit us.. since my inlaw will be at my place after church service.. and surely they gonna be having lunch over at my place... so what to cook ah? I have to be careful with my choice of food to cook.. as kev's dad is diabetic, type II. And lately his right big toe is injured.. so he has to be very cautious of his diet so as not to have his sugar level raised..

I hope i will be able to cope with my cooking and entertaining of guest come tomorrow.

Next year, i don't think i will be able to celebrate CNY like right now... away from work. Some of my chinese colleaques will be back at ward on 2nd day of CNY. My preceptor working night tmr, 1st day cny. In future, my work schedule will be so unpredictable.. i don't know how i am going to cope with the 3 shifts.