Do within my limits.

I lost my clinical coursebook last Friday and had to meet up with Deb yesterday to zap a few pages of that book for this coming Monday class. I had a good talk with her and I realised that I envy her sub-group. I had a slight breakdown while relating to her my fear of might not able to cope with my peers. She advised me " ct, just do what u can"

Tutorial Group 2 may look so united but it may not necessary mean that we can work thing together in harmony. Everyone had different past experiences , behavourial style and dynamics. It's too early to identify any one of them just yet. But I think most should already know what kind of person I am. They see me as systematic and organised. Actually, I am not so that organised at all. I just have to be, else everything will fall apart and the group will not be able to function as a team. I believe in teamwork and sharing, "give and take" and understanding one another. As this age and stage, I do not have much time to waste, I want to do things in an efficient way, in a manner where it will not only be beneficial to me but to all in my group too. And definately would like to see results, good effective results. I have played too much throughout all my life and it's time to be serious but of course, still having some fun.

I have learnt from reading this motivational book " Fish ", I have chose the attitude I bring to the workplace, for my case it will be school, and it does work. It makes MY DAY and I hope I make everybody's day too. To PLAY is recommended, that is having fun while at work but still take work seriously! Yes, I am having fun and am taking pride of what I do. Next is to be PRESENT, that is to be in focus, to be present in mind, to listen .. do not multitask and do not take things for granted. Simply be present and this may not be an easy task. There are always noises in my head. A lot of things to think about, never-ending.

I am very excited too get to know how my sub-group work. I am so eager to start on my group assignments. I don't know what's their style of getting things done, how much they want to achieve, what's their expectation and so on...

I think I am thinking to much and it seems that I am going to be the problem. I am going to be called the kiasu one, the very "on" one .. but if i am like that... i shouldn't be spending my time blogging right now.... sigh....

My goodfriend who is basically of the same traits as me.. said to me that I have to learnt to manage my expectations. We used to work together and we were damn good! We are results orientated and we were never tired of thinking of getting ideas and ensure that we produce the best. Our expectations are pretty high..and We were seen as Perfectionist! But, in reality we are not perfectionist at all! Our homes are in a big mess! Our personal stuff were and still are unmanaged! We are strange. We make sure that our husbands had their things arranged in order but ours are like "whatever" . Don't know what to call ourselves.. but basically we realised that we don't mind doing things for others. hmmmm...

So I think my goodfriend has lightened up a bit. And since we are not getting any younger and not as energetic as before, she told me to manage my expectations. Just do what I can. Share the load as best you can. Others may need to learn limits as well. I am not sure of this but I think God also never give us more than what we can handle.

I am not in a smiley mood now.