I want out..

Last week was one of the worst weeks i ever had at work. I almost broke down into tears while working on that very day.. after i told off the Nurse Clinician that she can extend my probation as long as she wants if she thinks i still need improvement or incompetent. My probation period supposed to end this month.. and,I actually told her that i am not looking forward to my confirmation day. I really don't care...

No point complaining so much abt work to these group of people who checks on our clinical skills.. it won't change anything.. they expects too much from us when they given us lousy training..

Last week, i was assessed on resuscitation. I failed to meet a few criteria.. they are: name the things i can find in the e-trolley.. drawer by drawer.. and the common drugs. The rest of it.. preparing/ assisting with ETT , bagging and AED - passed.

AED.. Automated External Defibrillator .. I am not trained to use this equipment at all. Even if not trained , we are expected to know it's functions and able to function it. No problem.. i can do.. i can answer to all the questions asked.. but there's no need for you people to say something like " oh.. u're the SMCP batch" and give me that look as if my batch cannot make it. At the end of it.. she added on and said " well u're ok but still need to be prompted".

Obviously i failed in that stupid assessment, and i had to face my ward clinician for another round of re-assessment. How to pass?? Nothing was given to us to read. U expect us to go to Route21 or the E-learning .. where got time? She told me that she was a bit disappointed with my performance.. that i was doing well as a student but now has slackened.. ..
She suggestted that i should stay back after work to go through the processess.. HELLO!! u pple been single all ur life.. and not having any life outside... think that i got a lot of time ,is it?!!! That was the day when I really wanted to give up !! The day when i told her that she can extend my probation as long as she like.. it doesn't really matter..
So what if i am confirmed? No extra pay .. still have to face the same shit every day.

On that same day.. the Pain Team was doing their round and questioning me patient's condition..and their pain medicine..all this questioning ..while i was serving medication and at that same time.. the doctors were haunting me for missing case files!!!! It was worst than a fish market!! They made me confused.. too much noise in my head!!! and the Inpatient Medical Records where so messy.. which caused me to make 1 medication error. I placed the wrong medicine to a wrong patient and worst part was that the Pain Team saw it and pointed it out to me.. kena from her left right centre.. in front of patient..and doctors.. make me name all the medication in that medicine cup which i had dispensed. I was so damn confused.. deep inside, i was crying for help.. These people should know better that I should not be disturbed while serving medicines..!!!! That morning, i took the longest time to finish with serving medicine. I went without food and drink on that day.. finish work at 4.30pm instead of the official 3pm. Thanks to all the health care professionals who took away my precious break time.

I don;t know what to feel after what had happened. I don;t really mind the work.. but it is the way how things are going at work, which i hate. Told my bestfriend abt it.. and the more she tried to comfort me..made me cry.. we both experienced the similar situation.. or even worst in her case.. we are very sad to be trapped in this organisation.. Not feeling that too well emotionally.. i skipped work the following day.