22 July:Mizuno Run 2007

This is the 3rd time i took part in Mizuno Run and i think this will be the last. First of all, the goodie bag is getting lighter. Used to have food samples, drinks, etc.. but now.. nothing but only the running T with the shoe bag. I remembered the very first time I look part in 2004, there were more than just a goodie bag. There was personalised certificate with photo (no time stamping though but it was worth it.. ) And the registration fee was $15. This time, it's $20. Secondly.. the running route. For the past years, it used to be at Kovan Hub (hougang) -Old Tampines Road and back to Kovan Hub. I hated that route.. demoralising. Very dry and boring.. and told myself no more Mizuno Run .. But this yr, since they changed the route to Bedok Reservoir, we decided to give another go for it. So there.., we went to sign up at our own will and ran at our own risk.. bottle necks here and there..constructions areas.. if not for the morning the heavy rain.. think runners will not be hoping here and there to avoid the mud and puddles of water.. As for me.. i just splashed on it.. as i am so used to running at Mac Ritchie.. similar running ground. I don't care about my new Nike Free.. can't be avoided. I really hated the run.. crowded at the beginning and even had to walk.. congested. I started fast.. as i wanted to get away from the crowd.. what more.. Drowning Pool was playing in my ears.. couldn't help it.. but to run fast.. then... what happened next.. ? I got tired too fast and slowed down. And when i saw Kevin passed by.. i wanted to give up already. I called him to tell him that. He waited twice after 5km and 6km. Ran together.. but i couldn't keep up. My breathing not so good too. Took a few puffs during my run.. i fear that i might have asthma attack along the way.. and i didn't see any medical station. I really hated the run.. well, there were some other reasons for wanting to quit . The day before the run, I went to see Dr for my UTI (urinary tract infection) and i constantly got the urge to pee. So when i ran.. i held my bladder.. then, causing me to have that back pain. And I still had that leftover headache from the day before and plus.. I got my "girlfriend" .. so uncomfortable... simply put.. no mood la for this run. But .. the weather was good.. after the rain effect.. cooling and breezy. So why not..try to enjoy the run. We reached late.. started running at about 10 mind to 8am. Finished at 9am.

After that, we went to Changi Village to try the famous nasi lemak. Hmmm, wonder what's so nice about it. Nothing special .. little serving of rice..which i think it's good. But again.. nothing special la..

Next, we tried kayaking.. $15 for one hour. Double kayak. Fun.. relaxing..and all wet..

Then washed car.. played with water!!! Ended the day at about 2 plus.. Kevin helped with washing our dirty shoes while i clean up our messy house. Then it rained again.. we slept throughout the evening .. woke up at around after midnight.. get back to sleep again at 3am.

15, 16 July : Trip to Kukup

Drove up to Kukup last weekend with Kevin's colleagues. An experience to live in a house just above waters. But it was low tide or no tide at all during the day.. so we get to see living creatures like crabs, snakes, snails and mud skipper. It looked dirty actually beneath, on the sea bed.. or should i say.. swamp.. cos the house is near to the mangrove. U can find dead animals.. but mostly dead fish. And all the junk and litters. I saw the residents just simply threw their litters out from their window. Low tides.. or no tide.. allows the monkeys to come out to play on land and also .. get to see rats.. big rats.. running, finding food. Occasionally u will hear the sound of water pouring down from underneath the house.. ah,.. that water.. are dirty water from the toilets.. no sewage facility. All natural.. Big and small business done all drop from under the house.. quite unsightly but that's still part of life over there. That is the only thing that reminded me of the trip.. besides the floating kelong. I love nature .. so i don't mind. But somehow, i need to be accompanied by Kevin in the toilet to bathe. I was afraid that anything from underneath the toilet bowl, something might just climb up to surprise me..eeeeioww.. scared!

Lost..

 

Morning run on a Sunday feels different from any other day.. the sun seems brighter.. the sky so blue and the people seemed friendlier.. So this morning.. i decided to go beyond Lower Seletar Reservoir, thinking that it will led me to Yio Chu Kang.. somewhere along Lentor. But nope... I found myself running along the Seletar runway.. after the Seletar Country Club. I've never been to this place before.. i simply followed some cyclist .. surely it will bring me to somewhere.. so there's nothing to worry about. The stretch of road was like endless .. , 2-lanes traffic and no safe pavement to run. I didn't know where i was really till i saw some road names and directions. No other souls along the road, except for the oncoming cars, lorries and motorist were travelling at fast speed. Felt a little frightened and lost. But i carried on running..
Finally i ended up at the entrance of Seletar Camp .. where i saw the familiar TransIsland bus no 858.
I could take the bus home.. but then.. i decided to continue .. ran towards Jalan Kayu, got myself 100 plus and continued..till I reached Yio Chu Kang Road- AMK industrial area..
I ended up at Yio Chu Kang Mrt, took train home. Enjoyed my Sunday morning run.. i hope to do it again..with Kevin. Don't want to venture alone.

The ward's full house and the night went smoothly except for the occassional call bells asking for bed pan. The men had their urinals by their bed side.. and there's this one patient whom we hate to attend, a 25yr old Mr Bed 57. He was admitted for tibia fracture after playing football, and ORIF done to his right tibia 2 days ago. Other body parts, especially his 2 upper limbs are fine and functional.. but strangely, whenever he wanted to pee, he would require our assistance to hold his penis into the urinal bottle!! So each time, he pressed the call bell ..our first guess was that he wanted us for that reason, and none of us wanted to go to him. But we got no choice and not let the call bell ring for very long.

Another call bell queen would be Aunty Bed 32, on diapers and constantly peeing every hour to 2 hours .. so we changed her at least 3 times.

The best patient for the night would be 60+ year old New Zealander MR Bed 48 who stayed up with us, playing somekind of strategic game on his laptop. Then, about 5am, found him already changed to clean pyjamas and reading his book.

I was not tired at all, had my meal with the rest of my colleagues. The SNs even managed to take half to one hr nap, but i didn't. Not tired or sleepy at all, surfed the internet.. drank lots of water, 2 cups of coffee and 1 cup of chocolate cereal drink.

Thought that i could go for a swim after work.. but while waiting for the doctor to see Kev for his URTI, my eyes cannot open .. dozed off.. wah.. sleepy to the max.

Reached home about 1030hrs, quickly bathed and zzzzzzzzzz

Phone call woke me up and and could not get back to zzzzz again.
Felt hungry. Got up, do some laundry and cooked myojo.

Lower Seletar Reservoir

jus returned from morning run... and the morning has been kind.. breezy and not too hot.

Set out after kev left for work.. did some stretching at the void deck, time checked 0745hrs .., and with Alannah Myles' Bad For You playing .. off i went. Ran the usual route towards Yishun Park. Instead of heading towards Safra Country Club, i decided to go left and head to Orchid Country Club and continue my way up to Lower Seletar.
The morning traffic wasn't busy at all, cool weather and quite breezy . Saw only 1 jogger and 2 walkers.. along the stretch of the OCC road.

Time checked: 0825hrs..i reached the reservior. No joggers seen but young boys fishing. Many cars and lorries passing by .. and got police patrolling the area too, and there's the road cleaners.. so i think it's safe to come here again..

I'm not too sure how far i have ran. I am jus glad that i reached somewhere. Satisfied.

While running, i took note of some songs which are good for running. Some songs from White Zombie, Drowning Pool, Alannah Myles, Angel Dust, Cinderalla, Alter Bridge, Creed and Taiwan's ShiN.. kept me going...

Took some time to appreciate my surroundings ... took some pics.. and jogged home.

Cinderalla's Coming Home gave a perfect ending to today's run. Best!!

starting night duty from tomorrow onwards for three nights.. then sleepday, PH and off day.. Yeah.. can play!!! But then, kev is not feeling well. His face was red when i met him this evening. He picked me up from YT Mrt to visit my parents. They returned from Umrah this afternoon.

Over at my parents', he had an episode of SOB.. thank god i got my ventolin in the car. After dinner and the puff, think he felt better and after our little nephews and niece with their parents left, Kevin fell asleep on my lap while watching the tv. My poor husband.. been working very hard for the past few weeks and mths . And not having enough sleep too. Whenever i had to got to work in the morning, he too had to wake up early .. as early as 0545hrs, to send me to work. Sometimes, i wanted to leave the house while he's sleeping. So tonight, sleep more.. no pc for u.. I love you. Pls get better, so that i won't worry abt u when i am at work. You know, I always need to be with you whenever u're not well.
Gave him muscle relaxant tabs.. hopefully he'll be able to sleep well and be ok tmr when he wakes up. ( i better finish this up to join him in bed)

it's audit day today and my ward failed again. not going to talk abt it cos i don't care and i don't give a damn.

been wanting to cut my hair.. and so i did today after work. still kept the length but had it layered... my head's so light now.. that i feel like going for a run...

so, run ... it will be..for me, tomorrow morning , to somewhere .. not too sure yet..

I want out..

Last week was one of the worst weeks i ever had at work. I almost broke down into tears while working on that very day.. after i told off the Nurse Clinician that she can extend my probation as long as she wants if she thinks i still need improvement or incompetent. My probation period supposed to end this month.. and,I actually told her that i am not looking forward to my confirmation day. I really don't care...

No point complaining so much abt work to these group of people who checks on our clinical skills.. it won't change anything.. they expects too much from us when they given us lousy training..

Last week, i was assessed on resuscitation. I failed to meet a few criteria.. they are: name the things i can find in the e-trolley.. drawer by drawer.. and the common drugs. The rest of it.. preparing/ assisting with ETT , bagging and AED - passed.

AED.. Automated External Defibrillator .. I am not trained to use this equipment at all. Even if not trained , we are expected to know it's functions and able to function it. No problem.. i can do.. i can answer to all the questions asked.. but there's no need for you people to say something like " oh.. u're the SMCP batch" and give me that look as if my batch cannot make it. At the end of it.. she added on and said " well u're ok but still need to be prompted".

Obviously i failed in that stupid assessment, and i had to face my ward clinician for another round of re-assessment. How to pass?? Nothing was given to us to read. U expect us to go to Route21 or the E-learning .. where got time? She told me that she was a bit disappointed with my performance.. that i was doing well as a student but now has slackened.. ..
She suggestted that i should stay back after work to go through the processess.. HELLO!! u pple been single all ur life.. and not having any life outside... think that i got a lot of time ,is it?!!! That was the day when I really wanted to give up !! The day when i told her that she can extend my probation as long as she like.. it doesn't really matter..
So what if i am confirmed? No extra pay .. still have to face the same shit every day.

On that same day.. the Pain Team was doing their round and questioning me patient's condition..and their pain medicine..all this questioning ..while i was serving medication and at that same time.. the doctors were haunting me for missing case files!!!! It was worst than a fish market!! They made me confused.. too much noise in my head!!! and the Inpatient Medical Records where so messy.. which caused me to make 1 medication error. I placed the wrong medicine to a wrong patient and worst part was that the Pain Team saw it and pointed it out to me.. kena from her left right centre.. in front of patient..and doctors.. make me name all the medication in that medicine cup which i had dispensed. I was so damn confused.. deep inside, i was crying for help.. These people should know better that I should not be disturbed while serving medicines..!!!! That morning, i took the longest time to finish with serving medicine. I went without food and drink on that day.. finish work at 4.30pm instead of the official 3pm. Thanks to all the health care professionals who took away my precious break time.

I don;t know what to feel after what had happened. I don;t really mind the work.. but it is the way how things are going at work, which i hate. Told my bestfriend abt it.. and the more she tried to comfort me..made me cry.. we both experienced the similar situation.. or even worst in her case.. we are very sad to be trapped in this organisation.. Not feeling that too well emotionally.. i skipped work the following day.

Movie cum Pool Day

Jus signed up for this yr's Mizuno Wave Run today. It will be held on 22 July, and no longer at Kovan Hub. This year's run will be starting from Tampines Polytechinic Sports Stadium - Bedok Reservoir Loop - North along TP Main Road - and ends at TP Sports Stadium. I would like to recce the route one day if i have the time to do so, but meantime.., i'll jus run around my usual neighbouring area. With the new 10-km route, I hope to do better than last yr's 1hr 13mins.

It's Movie Day today organised by Kevin's company, at discounted price.. we watched Fantastic 4.. better than Pirates of the Caribbean. But, Ocean 13 is better.

After movie, we headed to Marina Square.. where i registered for the run and the guys played a few rounds of pool. I did too but i wasn't good at all.. i don't even know how to hold the stick. Maybe it's not my kind of game, but i would love to learn..

Drove the guys home.. and washed our dirty car at the end of the day. Did a quick wash so that we can rest early tonight.. as we both got to work tomorrow morning..

So far, today has been good. Good movie, good food, and good pool session - as what kevin said. It would have been almost a "fantastic" day, if not for the constant phonecalls kevin received from his boss and colleaques, asking him about work!!

i honestly love you

Maybe i hang around here
A little more than i should
We both know i got somewhere else to go
But i got something to tell you
That i never thought i would
But i believe you really ought to know

I love you
I honestly love you

You don't have to answer
I see it in your eyes
Maybe it was better left unsaid
This is pure and simple
And you should realize
That it's coming from my heart and not my head

I love you
I honestly love you

I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable
I'm not trying to make you anything at all
But this feeling doesn't come along everyday
And you shouldn't blow the chance
When you've got the chance to say

I love you
I honestly love you

If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here i am with mine
So i guess we'll just be leaving it at this

I love you
I honestly love you

I honestly love you
______________________________________
Artist: Olivia Newton-john
Album: If You Love Me Let Me Know
Title: I Honestly Love You

A Good Morning.. and still is

This morning i decided to go for a short run after i was been told to rise and shine.. It was about 1115hr and the weather was good and windy.. but later on, the sun was just above my head and i could not take the heat.. but overall, it was a good late morning run..

After returning home from the run, had quick bite, shower and off for work.

Best part of today.. No Monday blues... I did not feel tired at work and even till now.. i am fully awake.
At work, everything went smoothly .. no hiccups.. Plus, i got to take my dinner .. and drank lots of water and able to go toilet, which i don't really get to do for the past few days/weeks..

And my colleaque, B.. who assists me.. came to me and said.. " I love U" for whatever reasons.. i replied to her, that i love her too, and we hugged. Awwww... Love is in the air..

Oh dear.. i don't know how am i going to cope tomorrow morning at work. I should be sleeping right now.. Kevin already sleeping.. while my eyes still wide open.. just like this morning..

Set my alarm at 0520hrs.. .. looking forward for Tuesday.. hopefully it will be jus as good as today..

Plans for tmr: Movie at GV plaza @ 8pm.

a friend told me that we can't possibly understand how others feel if we are not there to experience it..............and ............ we never thought that we will be paid that miserably and we were being over-worked, with only 1 rest day per week.

and............ it is not that we got to rest on the 7th day after 6 days of hard work.. on bad situations, we struggled 8 days then, scheduled for rest on 9th day.

morning shifts starts at 7. another friend of mine stayed somewhere far in the west.. has to get up as early as 0500hrs i think so that she can reach work by 0645hrs. She didn't usually have to do this.. but because lately, her car which she used to drive to work daily, which she parked at her usual Staff car park, was being clamped. Reason being that she is just a Staff Nurse. Staff Nurses not entitled for a lot. She was told not to drive to work since there's no lots for SNs.. by the security officers.

these are some of the things i hate about my work and workplace
1- unpredictable Off-days
2- miserable pay for the amount of work we do
3- no parking lots for SNs
4- only 2 set of scrubs given.. wear 2-3 times then wash.. where's the infection control..?
5- difficult to take leave

more to list down..

always looking for off days.. or whenever there's opportunity to play ..
but it seems so hard to comeby

work schedule is killing me..
something is not rite with the system..
or really shortage of staff..

can't stop pple from coming to the A&E
but sometimes.. these pple come for no reason
especially on mondays .. my fren told me..
they came...
complaining of chest pain ..
headache..
gastric pain
muscle spasm.. etc

things that are not to be taken lightly..
so .. got themselves admitted to be observed for a day or 2,
then discharge with mc for a couple more days..

already we got shortage of beds and space..

exhausting our resources...

why like that..

whatever we say, they, not related to us.. would listen
but whenever we tell it to our own family member, half of the time, they prefer to listen to others...
why is that so?

it's so difficult to be in this line ..
anything good done.. oh..no comment.. no suprise
but should anything go wrong... there'll be lots of queries.. pple start to talk..
why is that so too?

not getting involved would also mean .. like.. knowing it but ignoring , neglecting..
getting involved .. is the same as .. add-on commitment ..stress..

so how.. want to help but time so limited..

stress... time.. are just excuses..

so how now..

caring for the caregiver..

am getting tired ... too much to handle at work..
am not complaining , not that i am not competent ...
and pls don't tell me about time management...

still new in this line of work .. the past 2 yrs attachments did not exactly
prepare me or any of us for this...
taking on multiple roles at a time... can be very risky..
as everyone chipped in to help one another... it may help or even make things worst

i am lost..
no proper guidance on the work process , jus directions given to me..
jus following instructions .. learn day by day as I moved on...
don't tell me to open up the the work processes to read on it...
cos half of the pcs and cows..(cows on wheels) not functioning..
and no time in my hands to spare for such...

most of the time.. i nurse the papers than the patient..
only see them while serving medicines.. and at the same time do some inspection and PR ..
half of the time.. rushing to do things for each patient
whatever little portion of time i have left are to make calls.. and i hate finding telephone numbers from that one and only black folder.. and i don't know who i am calling for..
and in the end, i have very little or no time to hydrate,
constantly on my feet...
exhausted..
..past few days have not been eating well.. or not eating at all.. jus a bit of curry puff from polar,

one fainted ..
some already taking sick leave

at the end of the day... i take deep breath and stood in the center of the ward,
paused awhile.. relieved.. but i know nothing of what i have done after such hectic day..


staff strength stretched to the limit..
at times, there's a need to call back those on leave or having their off day

off days are precious as we work 6 days week.
so don't expect us to turn on our mobile and being called in

one said.. think for the patient is our priority.. got to care for patient first..
that's where she's wrong..
if only i could say this to her...
" care for the "care-giver"..." and that's us, " so that we can care for others"

with very few of us running the show..
and me .. being new ...
am trying very hard to cope..
doing my best,

hope not to get sick.. and that matters most ..

now.. i am exhausted..

Nothing much happening.. except that .. recently, i cleared my driving test on 6th March, after 40sessions of practical lessons. My 2nd attempt. Happy la of cos... don't have to step into SSDC anymore.. hated walking to the driving centre from Yio Chu Kang Mrt .. very far.. so very the lazy to walk in.. and i heard that SSDC will be shifting to Woodlands industrial park area... wah.. i can imagine that the place is going to be more ulu (faraway) ..

anyway... people say that at SSDC, it is easy to pass... or very fast can pass..
registered in late April but only started the practical lessons in May last yr.
Didn't go for any practices sometime in july for almost 2mths, and 1 mth in January this yr.. so basically, i took abt 7-8mths.

And now i got a driving license and started driving to work. But unfortunately, can't park at my work place as I am not entitled to have a parking space at all. Stupid rules says that only those ranks as the senior staff nurses and above have the privileges, while the parking lot stated clearly as " Staff Carpark " . Discriminating.. isn't it?

And it's none of their business ( the security officers ) .. that i have a car to drive to work. And they told me that i should take the public transport.. and they even questioned me why i need the car for.. I am totally angry with the whole hospital system now!!

So meantime, Kev took over after I reach the hospital..

Anyway.. i can't drive alone yet. Kevin needs to be beside me.. as i am not steady yet.

2nd Day CNY

Canceled trip to Sentosa as it was raining very heavily as we passed by the ECP Keppel.. We went visiting instead.. to Serene's and Kenji's place.

Managed to visit Mary's place at Hougang.. before heading home.. Very nice house.. i like it.. spacious, cozy and smells new too....

First Day Chinese New Year

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Phew..! I almost missed my usual 10am Korean drama on channel U , as i was busy mopping the floor and clearing the rice and soup bowls on the dish rack into the cabinets.

Immediately after the Korean drama ended at noon, went to cold storage to get some groceries to cook for dinner. Need not worry about lunch cos, papa decided to pack "sop kambing" from Jalan Besar Food Center.. very famous one.. nice.. i like..

Serene and Ak came with parents and grandma but left earlier.
Oh.. Gong Gong did not join us today..
Kev's cousins came with their partners.. and stayed till late afternoon. They like cats too..

Later in the evening, Mama rec'd call from Christine in NZ. Her time was close to midnight.. The family chatted over Google Chat .. including popo who has hearing problem..

Lastly, dinner was served.. Cooked Asam Fish Head, Water cres chicken soup, fried eggs with tomatoes and veggies..

My right hand a bit weak now... tired i think..
But i am not complaining..
i like receiving guests..
i enjoy cooking, even though i am not good at it and half of the time,
i got problem deciding on what to cook,
Overall... i like everything that i do for my family..
Everyone is happy today... and Kevin loves me, i know.. *wink wink * hehehe...

Me ...

Right now.. since yesterday.. kev been watching his chinese drama dvd.. trying to finish it and have it returned asap.

so i am actually a bit bored. i wouldn't know what to do, if we do not have wireless.

i have been reading about health matters, related to my patient's diagnosis.. but it's so difficult to remember what i have read... how ah... i think the grey matter in my brain a lot liao.. i am getting old i know... i got wrinkles .. so obvious that i don't want to smile too wide or laugh hilariously liao.. but if i don't smile and be like how i am, i looked troubled and sad.. and pple start to query.. i feel that i am looking so old and behaving like one too when i am with my new colleagues.. whom most of them are more than 7 yrs younger ..i am one of the oldest.. and i am older than my preceptor! Grey hair starting to be obvious too ... and..uhhh.. kev still looking so good... how ah...

lately, yf said that i am fat! OMG... i better do something... i have not been running since the ultra end last year.. better get back to running to shed some weight and start toning up .. got weights at home also never make use.. useless me.

Ok .. my resolution ... Don't be lazy !

A Quiet.. Chinese New Year Eve...

kevin said.. every time, on eve of CNY .. every where quiet... like ghost town..

The hospital is quiet too. My ward.. one room is closed.. no occupancy. But i bet, after CNY, there surely have a lot of admission.. diabetic patients especially.

tonight me and kev had our own reunion dinner... from left over food from the night before... a mini steamboat..

I am now thinking of what to cook for tomorrow... rice with dishes or fried bihun?

I think some of kev's relatives will be visit us.. since my inlaw will be at my place after church service.. and surely they gonna be having lunch over at my place... so what to cook ah? I have to be careful with my choice of food to cook.. as kev's dad is diabetic, type II. And lately his right big toe is injured.. so he has to be very cautious of his diet so as not to have his sugar level raised..

I hope i will be able to cope with my cooking and entertaining of guest come tomorrow.

Next year, i don't think i will be able to celebrate CNY like right now... away from work. Some of my chinese colleaques will be back at ward on 2nd day of CNY. My preceptor working night tmr, 1st day cny. In future, my work schedule will be so unpredictable.. i don't know how i am going to cope with the 3 shifts.

Reunion Dinner 2007

Steamboat cum BBQ for reunion dinner last night.

To all, Gong Xi Fai Cai!!! ... Wishing all a happy, healthy and prosperous New Year !!