Vicious Rumours

the clock strikes midnight... as the dream slips through your head... this is no dress rehearsal... there is no second chance...

Thursday, May 05, 2011

End of my IVF journey

It's negative with beta results less than 1.7 , according to the nurse over the phone. Not much info was given... just " sorry, you take care. We'll fix an appointment with your Dr ... blah blah blah... "

Very sad even though I was very prepared with the outcome.

What happened? I don't know. And I think the Dr may not be able to explain too.

I can only conclude one thing based on how i felt during my 2 weeks wait...
the cramps, pins and needles, aches, and no sign of breast swelling might be signs and symptoms of BFN.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Into my Day 11 post FET

My 2nd attempt on IVF done naturally. My 3 frozen embryos survived the thawing and transfered all 3. Graded 2,3 and 4. My blood test will be on 3 May. Hope it will work this time.

I would say that this frozen cycle is much easier and less stressful as compared to fresh transfer. I have no major pains, bloatedness or even soreness. Not too sure whether or not any of it was a good/bad sign. However, initially, there were cramps over where the ovaries are , and back pain. I have no signs of AF coming too, maybe because of the progesterone pessaries. I read that the pessaries may likely to cause delay or even prevent AF from coming. No matter how much this cycle may seem easier, it still drives me crazy thinking if the implantation is working, whether the embryos are sticking on it or are they still alive from day 1.

I prayed very hard for this project to work. For the 1st 3 days, I restrict my hyperactive behaviour to the minimalist. Stayed in bed and had almost everything I need around me. I am really having good rest at my sister's place during this 2 weeks wait till this weekend. Kevin has been very supportive, allowing me to be away from home during this period. He must have miss me a lot ! He came to visit, took me out for movie once and to the shopping mall. I have the company of my nieces and nephew. I watched the hilarious comedy " the big bang theory" - and finished watching the whole of their 3 seasons. Oh, if any of my embies survived, I don't mind if my kid turns out to be a genius like Dr Seldon :D

I went to work on Day 9 post FET, i was not happy about it of course, but I had no choice. Nobody at work cared I supposed ( except for Ruby, Efiea, Jessie and Zee Ying).

Since I do not have any signs of AF or any implantation bleeding as many others ivf-mumwannabe would usually expect... it's making me want to get that home pregnancy test set to see for my self and to end this waiting game. Impatient I am, but i need some info. If I am going to get a faint negative, i am all prepared for it. But if i get a faint positive, I will be excited and afraid at the same time too... the waiting game continues till the day they run the blood test to confirm. Then, it will be the worst 3 day wait ever! And if the result turns out to be the opposite...that, I cannot take it! Feeeling the stress now.

Sigh... think i better quit thinking about this HPT experiment.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Beta Hcg due today and the result ....

Positive vibes was felt all the way till the day 16 post transfer, 1-day before my BHcg test, i got my period. Full blown period. It came so right on the spot on day 16! My feelings were telling me it's going to be a failure. Why? Because it a full blown period! it was not spotting, it was not dark red or dark brown. It was heavy fresh blood!!!! (sorry,too much info)
A few days back i got symptoms of AF coming- back pain, left- right abdo cramps, but i brushed them aside, thinking it was a good sign to have some pain which can mean that the muscles in my uterus and surrounding it are contracting and expanding to make room for my embbies. I was also looking forward to some kind of discharges, they called it implantation spotting/bleed. But NO! there wasn't any but all-time whitish discharges which gave me an indication that my period was due to come anytime... ( sorry again for TMI) and it chose to come on 1-day before my blood test- day 16, yesterday at 4.30pm. How disappointing!

At KKIVF this morning, told the nurse of my period... and the look on her face changed and trying to empathized with me, asked me if i have frozen embryos... oh ... on hearing that, i think i don't have to go through this blood test and i knew what the result would be. How negative i was!

At 11am, the nurse called to inform me of my result. It's a Big Fat Negative. I thanked her and ended the call. Felt nothing until i started to share the news to some important friends and family members via SMS. No way i could make the calls. And that was when i cried buckets!

Life still must go on... getting back to work tomorrow. I have 3 frozen embryos stored somewhere in that fridge!

What might have gone wrong??? And what should i do differently for my 2nd ivf?

Didn't have rested enough?
Keep housework to the minimalist.
Consult TCM.
Do Acupuncture.

My next step : appt with my consultant on 22 Feb. Get appt for 2nd ivf .

next next step : maybe plan for short break before 2nd ivf.

One thing for sure now that I do NOT wish to sell MY Bicycle, in case 2nd ivf fails again.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Hospital Leave for 20 days.

Egg Retrieval was done on 19 Jan. It was much earlier than i'd expected. Had total of 14 follicles but only manage to have 5 embryos. 3 in freezer and 2 returned to my uterus. On 3rd day after ER, I had the 2 embryos transfered on the 21 Jan.
On Egg Transfer day, kevin was allowed to observe the procedure. He sat beside me. There were 2 monitors- one which showed the embryos (magnified) with my name and nric written on the dish, coming from the embryologist's lab. And, another monitor - the ultrascan which showed images of my bladder /uterus, to helped with the implantation of the embryo into my uterus by the reproductive endocrinologist, my consultant.
The procedure took less than 15mins, rested for a short while for 10mins, and that was it!
2 embbies are now in my uterus... please please get sticky to my uterus!
Got 20 days of hospitalisation leave till my pregnancy test on 7 feb!
In between this 2 weeks wait, gave myself the pregnyl jabs ( progesterone for luteal support) every 3-4 days as ordered.
A week have passed, another week to go. It was sure the longest 2 week wait ever.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

6 Jan 2011 : E2 estridol and U/S scan

This morning at 730hr, i went for blood test - E2 to check my estrogen level and scan my uterus to see if both are ok before starting on - Puregon- this additional subcut ( Lucrin still continues till my follicles grow to 16mm) is to help with the development of multiple follicles.

at 11am, received call from KKH that my E2 level is at good range and so i can start on Puregon 400u every morning for 7 days and on the 8th day (15 Jan 2011) , scheduled for 9am scan. As for the scan, the uterus lining is thin and there's no sign of cyst. Only seen clots/spots from my previous menses.

kevin starts on his oral antibiotics on same day 08 Jan for 7 days.

According to the nurse, it will take about up to 10-14days to see the growth of the follicle. 14days counting from 8th Jan will indicate that my ER will be earlier than i expected, probably fall between 21 to 24th Jan. 2days wait for fertilization then, transfer the eggs.

17 days after ET, pregnancy test (approximately around the 14.02.2011 week!)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

My challenges for the next 2 months...

I am finding it too confusing, so the dates may not be accurate. But it's about there la....

My estimated schedule :-

Day 1 ( 1 dec)

start of menses 1st December 2010 - call KKH IVF

Day 2 (2 dec)

collected microgynon

Day 3 - Day 20

started Microgynon (birth control pills) x 19 days

Day 21 (22 dec) - Day 26 ( 26 dec) :

Microgyon 5days + subcut Lucrin 10 units x 5 days

Total Microgyon 24days

Day 27 - Day 35 ( 27.12 to 6 January 2011) :

subcut Lucrin 10 Units x 11days

Total 16days Lucrin - baseline scan & bloodtest for E2

Day 36 - Day 42 ( 7 Jan to 13 Jan 2011)

subcut Lucrin 10 units x another 7 days

Day 43- Day 49 (14 Jan 2011 – 20 Jan 2011)

Start subcut Puregon 200 IU x 7 days + Lucrin 10 units

Day 50 (21 Jan 2011)

(8th day of puregon)- 1st scan

Day 54 (9th to 12th days of puregon) - 2nd scan

Day 58 (29 Jan 2011)

(16th day of puregon): 3nd scan

** When follicles reach 16mm, STOP Lucrin. Total 16 days puregon

Day 58 (29 .1.2011) : IM pregnyl at night , ER 2 days later
Day 60 (30.1.2011) : Egg Retrieval
Day 61- Day 62 (31.1 - 01.02.2011) : wait for fertilisation
Day 63 (02.02.2011) : Egg transfer / balance embroyo to freeze

Day 64- Day 80 (03.02.2011- 20.02.2011) - return for progesterone blood tests (x3) - if more than 15 eggs collected, got to return for IM progesterone daily for 17 days. If less than 15 eggs collected, 4 x HCG jabs.

Day 81 (21.02.11) : 17 days later, pregnancy test

Sunday, December 12, 2010

why i have not been writing much?

too many activities - no energy to write.

2010, has been another challenging year for me and the coming months heading on to 2011 will even be the biggest challenge of my life(and Kevin's too, of cos).

looking back at my 2010 calender, in the past months, we have been busy with home improvements. renovated our home so beautifully that my heart aches when we handed the keys away. been living with my in-laws ever since the start of the fasting month. tough but i am grateful to have such wonderful and understanding in-laws. have to admit that we do have some minor problems here and there, but they are willing to give in to me. nice in laws. i know i have hurt them in one way or another. i am living in their house and i wanting to make it like mine, my style, my way- i just wanna feel comfortable. i have invaded there freedom, their breathing and living space. On the other hand, we hope to care, look out for one another and save cost, maybe. Well, surely things do not seem to turn out to be what we hoped for.

in between those busy and messy months, i underwent Hysteroscopic Myomectomy. did not realised that multiple fibroids and polyps have been living inside me for very long that it grew between 6 to 8cm! had those extra-territorials removed and planned for another bigger project- project of a lifetime!

"Project P" we would call it. it's been almost 2 weeks now, i have been taking daily does of microgyon tablet for 26days. started 2 days after my LMP dated 1.12.2010. it's an oral contraceptive pill- birth control. almost immediately, it ended my period, and i can't help but to notice the change over my left boobs- slightly raised and increased. not too sure if the pills have caused this.

On day 21 from my LMP (22.12.2010) - will be starting on daily injections - Lucrin injections for about 2-4weeks - every morning on my tummy. Just in case i'd be afraid to jab myself, i have taught mama how to do it, and kevin has got his training from the nurse when we last visited the IVF centre. Yes! it's ivf/icsi treatment with KKH. My doctor is Dr M. Hendriks.