It's not over..

My first marathon.. & got a good feel of what full marathon is all about... and i want to do it again next year.

started without doing much warming up, which is very bad, i know..

i did what i normally would do..that is, to start slow.. afterall i got a long way to go. But Kev and me decided to pace with 2 guys (wearing blue saucony singlet), steady pacing and quite comfortable. But, not for long, entering Marina Centre, i needed to pee. So Kev continued with his run..

Sure need to pee one! so inconvenient! Everytime like that! the urge is always there in the begining of the run. The first portable toilet, was locked, ran another 150m, then got one ..

Continued running.. at my own pace.. and slowly build up and maintained my speed. My target was : as long as i reach 20km mark in less that 3hrs, i should be doing fine.
I just want to reach the finishing line before 1pm, cos i want to eat lunch!! That was all i aimed for.. well of cos.. i also want the medal and finisher's t shirt!

Caught up with kev somewhere after the 10km mark.. he was complaining of pain.. cramps on calf and thigh muscles. It was the same pain as the one he had when we ran to Orchard the week before. He had to stop to stretch before he could go on furher.. and the cramps were really bad cos he had to stop quite frequently. I ran ahead .. but waited for him at 15km mark, and later on at 21km.

As there were no fixed medical stations along the running route, I was quite worried for him. Hmmm.. and worried for myself too, if i got an asthma attack.. they are no where to be seen. The ambulances a located at road junctions.. and the first aiders were juniors from secondary schools- St. Johns Amb Brigade, standing near at each drink station. I bet they don't have emergency equipment with them. Also, they don't seem to have enough -the need to have item: deep heat rub or spray with them.
Or they don't have it with them at all.. on their small wooden table, I saw a packet of food and a roll of Oreo biscuits on top of it.. wah.. so hungry already that time (almost 4hrs), I asked a member if he could spare one or two pieces of OREO biscuit, but no... the boy said that he couldn't give me cos the biscuits was part of their lunch package.. so sad.. i got no choice but to eat that yucky salty powergel. The rasberry flavour tasted like cough syrup.. yucks! I tried to refrained for eating banana.. but i got no choice, so got to eat to tahan my hunger.. i hate bananas.. thinking of it makes me want to puke..

and yes, i managed to keep up with my target time: 3hrs exactly reached 20km mark. So i thought i jus maintain the same speed. Then it started to rain..

Reunite again at 21km, he tried to run but again he was hit with the cramps. So he told me to go on... so i continued running. We met again after the turning point at the lagoon, at his 25km mark. I was still running till i reached 30km, when i decided to walk and refuel with that yucky powergel.


I thought i could pick myself up to run the next 10km. But it was so difficult, and heavy on the thighs. So i ran a bit, walked a lot. And in the end, i power walk all the way to the end, leaving the rest 300m or so to run in style , cos i just remembered that there'll be photographer waiting... the timing i clocked unofficially was 6:45 hahaha... yahooo!!! .

Now aching all over the lower limbs,but still able to walk and do some housework the next morning. No pain no gain la..uh.. kevin said that he cried and laugh altogether .. suffering from the pain and the way he struggled to run. Truely, we enjoyed this run no matter how long we took, and no regrets at all.

Alhamdullillah., Thank God, nothing extraordinary happened.. no asthma attacks, no major injuries..and the weather was fantastic!

Kevin took MC for 1 day, and I was lucky to have 2 days off from work.

it's not too late to run..

We really got no disciiplne.. we really cannot manage our time.. too busy with other matters, that we couldn't even make time to pick up our running shoes to train or a least go for a jog .. to prepare for this Sunday's full marathon.

So, last week.. i decided that we better start seasoning our legs and heart..


About 0630hr, last saturday morning, we ran from home to Orchard. We reached Far East about 9am. Along the way, we stopped to get drinks at a Mobil Station located after Caldecott. I do not want to exert so much, so i ran very slowly and kev followed my pace. Maybe it was because the pace for him was too slow plus we cool down too long at that bus stop to hydrate and eat.. kev suffered painful muscle cramps on his right calf. Luckily i brought the muscle rub and paracetamol.. it really help to ease the pain and we were able to walk to Suntec to collect our Maration race pack.

The race pack collection was no fuss at all. Very organised.

After that, we went to Orchard Cinema- watch Andy Lau movie- Battle of the Wits... i think that's the title.. cannot remember.. i slept at the beginning, too tired.. and the movie .. a lot of talking.. but i managed to catch up from the mid-part of it till the end. Good movie.. i like it.

We reached back home at about 6:30pm that evening.. Wow.. we were out for 12 hrs.

Running

This morning, went to MacRitchie. A lot of pple- MR25 doing their progressive runs and Nike Runaholics.. something like that..

after 6km mark, i started to walk.. and jog .. by then it's 9am. started running at 815am. Wow cialat.. i took so long. Hv not been running ever since the AHM.

Anyway.. whether i exert myself or not, try to do it slowly cos later afternoon i am going to run with kev from marsiling mrt back home.., i am still too slow..
Another part of me was telling me since i didn't bring my inhaler, don't
exert too much , take my time..(bad experience from AHM).
how am i gonna make it for the full marathon in less than 1 mths' time!!!

Next Saturday, will be going to MacRitchie with some school friends. See how it goes.. hopefully i can keep up with them.

Exams over but that's not the end...

Will be at the hospitals till end of this year. 2 weeks attached to Geron ward, then PRCP at surgical ward for 4 to 5 weeks then, finally Emergency the last 1 or 2 weeks. By then, it's the end of the year.

Reflection time. The papers were not too difficult but didn't prepare well for it. Though i am not expecting any B's, just a pass..will be jus good enough. But i realized that i really need to buck up in some areas.. some procedures . Need to read more .. Need to know more things..need to widen my general knowledge.. etc

When in the hospital, got to be confident. and stay confident! Don't be intimidated by pple around me. Sometimes, i can't perform when pple are looking at me when i am doing some procedure. I have to get over this, and get to a stage where i should be able to perrform any task naturally.

Next, i must not panic. Must remember to sound Juliana's alarm " do not panic! do not panic". Take a step back, analyse and do it step by step. Must tell myself to stay calm. When in doubt, ask and learn from it.

Hari Raya Aidilfitri - Day 1

Almost everyone present, including my in-laws, at my mum's on first day of Hari Raya. In this picture, the one the like best was one took with my little nephew Idris resting on mum's bed. He is so adorable when it comes to taking photos. Here are more of his other photo previously taken with my ex-motorola and o2 mini.

Got a new handphone tdy and kev also got his w850i.. finally..:) He got the white colour cos the salesman said the black not nice and they also don't have stock. As for me.. i got this cool pink Z610... so pompuan... eeee.. but i like..........

So far.. let me see... hmmm... i have tried quite a few handphones already.. Our first was NOKIA 6110, and the rest as as follows








But so far.. the best has got to be O2 mini... i still like
that pocket pc. Traded-in for $480 to buy V3i.
V31 .. nice only but function no good at all.

My 2nd best would be Nokia 6230... best!!
sold cheap-cheap to a classmate .. to get the O2.

Now.. let's see if my new SE Z610 can fight N6230..

My classmates ND04/06 with Mrs Theresa Cheong.  

Exams on Hari Raya week....

Ha! Exams in a month time.. what i hate most is studying during fasting mth.. ! how to study?!? It jus makes me sleepy plus, with the hopsital attachments.. too tiring to open book..

But it's ok la... not the first time.

Today will be the 3rd day at A&E. Was assigned at the Observation Room for the past 2 days, and me and Shiken will be at the Triage.. should be interesting.. where we will get to interview walk-in patients to the A&E. According to what i was taught, we have to do the assessments and interviewing in 5 mins, then decide on priotization- Emergency, Urgent and Non-Urgent. Let's see how it goes today.

I kinda like A&E, but was told that the dept may not consider Accelerated students.. why ah? Some say we lack skills.. but funny thing is they recruit fresh 3yr dip. So what's the diff? But now.. i really don't give a damn anymore to where the HR wants to deploy us.. like it or not, we will be there for 3 years. If I can, I would like to work at CDC, A&E or Rehab. Fat hope or no hope...? Anywayz,work is still work.. stress will always be here to stay.. So, i have so-called trained my mind to tell myself to make good use of my time, be resourceful and learn as much, though i may not gain much experience in different discipline.

Ok.. now serious business first.. after saur this morning, i had all my notes sorted out to start revising for exam. As to when to start..got to see mood.. but most likely this sunday. Will have to fight for seats at Woodlands Library..so will have to join all those kiasu-s Q right infront of the entrance gate. Oh.. this reminds me of the Q at John Little Rush Sales at Sommerset, last Sunday morning. I was there early, well like 10mins early.. but i didn't expect that there would be any queue cos there was nothing to fight for.. the dept store is big and their stocks are plenty.... I can understand if there's any sale of items going at $1 but there isn't any.. REally don't understand these pple.. why can't they jus enjoy the sunday morning walking by the beach or something like that.. or take beauty sleep...

ok now i got to take a short nap, got to get up by 1030am- get ready for work.

Posting starts next week.. 1st stop: A&E

Need to send my nursing uniform of some minor adjustments... need to loosen it.. hehe, put on abit of weight lately.. but i didn't eat a lot leh.. nevermind .. a bit of fat is good. If i fall, i got body fat to protect my bones from breaking.. and anyway, i am no longer that young.. Classmates have been calling me "Geron" (elderly in medical term).

I can't wait to get back into the hospital.. 1st stop for 1 week will be A&E dept. I love places where is action! A place where u think fast and act.. cannot wait .. no time to analyse.. must have commonsense ( which i may or may not have) but most importantly.. " hello hello ... are u ok!" i hope when i am faced with real situation, i don't freak out, stood there do nothing.. freeze.. and whatnot... hmmm, guess i have to do a lot of revision on... drugs, stitches, defib.. before i step into that dept. Maybe i should work out an action plan for each common senarios eg: puncture wound, poisoning, burns...
But come to think of it.. where got time?
Next Monday.. starts ..
Today as in Now! i am struggling to complete nursing project essay due this Friday. But i aimed to finish it by tdy! Tmr the only school day left - so i want to submit it.. Thursday go to lecturer's house gathering .. friday .. activity day, visit parents and do some marketing to prepare for fasting...

This is the final hospital posting till end of yr. Next yr starts fresh after 2 weeks break .. of becoming a full- fledged nurse!

ok now.. back to writting my essay...

Running : Mizuno and RealRun '06

Mizuno WaveRun 2006
The route was jus as bad as 2 yrs back when i ran 10km for the
very first time. In '04, I took 1 and half hour but this year,
I finished at 1 hr 13min ++. My classmates did better.
HK and KK finished around 50 mins ++, not too sure but
they were good!


New Balance Real Run 2006
My first 6km road, 2.4km beach and 1.6km trail run.
It was very tough to run on beach and I ended up walking
most the time along the 3 beaches. Completed in about
1hr 20mins. KK finished at 1hr 10min and HK finished before 1hr.

She's so sweet!

 

Every Friday is Kevin's off day, and together with my girlfriends, we planned ahead what to do on Fridays. But so far, only 2 or 3 times, we managed to get together to play and most of the time, it's swimming. First it was at Safra Country Club, then Jurong Swimming Complex and the best was last friday's trip to Sentosa.

Since it was the school's weeks' break, "S" brought her 3 younger girl cousins. The 3 are sisters and they are so cute and we love, especially, Little Yaya. She is a brave 3yrs old. She's simply a girl any parent would love to have- didn't cry , no complaints , plays on her own and best of all, she is not afraid of water!

Everyone had fun on that day. Kev bought a big float and the tiny arm float thingy for little Yaya.. She is simply so adorable.. just look at the photo and u know what i mean :) 

I shall not dwell on it again...

The last time, we had a class gathering was ending of last semester, and i was not exactly totally involved in the committee as i was not able to attend any meeting because of clashed time-table with the meetings.

Majority of my classmates did not turn up, simply because most of us are not interest, had other personal plans, or just chose not to mingle with other class groups. And because of the poor head counts from my class, my leader and i, was "bluntly blamed" for not effectively organising the group to come. Was it totally my fault?

As the person said " i bluntly blamed siti and W", her face turned red and her words were shaken. Everyone else was shocked to hear and see her acted in that manner. She also mentioned about offering apology.

On the other hand, she didn't know what was happening and how difficult i have to apologise to our mentor, on behalf of my group. And there she went, blaming me!
Eh.. after u have realised that i was not at fault after i gave the class an explanation and well accepted by all, where's the apology for bluntly blaming me openly in class?

Last thursday, i was picked to get things organised for a farewell gathering to be held on the last day of this final semester, together with another classmate,J.

I wanted to say this in class, " i think i am not fit to be the one to organise the gathering.. cos do not want to be bluntly blamed again if i fail to get pple to come."

In other words, let the one who had bluntly blamed me, be the one to organise the gathering, since she thinks that she can do the job better or more efficiently... At that momont, i just felt like wanting to get even with her for the last time! hahaha .really.. sincerely, i wanted to do that..but my i got no heart to do so la...don't want to ruin the good thursday morning... nevermind la.. let her win..Make her happy .. no sweat, small matter.. let it go...

i thought u know who i am

dear friend,

How can i make u understand that at times i do certain thing for a reason. My behaviour or action may not be acceptable to others but i did not expect it coming from you too. Thought u know me so well to understand why i choose to be caught in such a situation. I bear no grudges against you but if u feel that u want to keep your distance to reflect, i respect your decision.. But the time u took to reflect has passed over due till we no longer speak and mingle like before.

And i am still not sure by what u mean by me not being sincere to others? If i wasn't as sincere as you thought i should be, i would not be the first to confront you. You have seen me do "insincere" things or things which I hate to do, but my actions, be it good or bad.. It has always been for the best interest of others, or a win-win situation. But if you view it differently, then I have nothing to say. Guess, I do not know you well enough too.

Now, whenever I do or say things, no matter how sincere I want it to be, it no longer matter to you. My sincerity is being questioned.

Knowing and being close to you has never been a mistake though, because i know that i can get along well working with you. To me, what has happened here are mere misunderstanding. I had said my apology and now I don't know what to do.

Yours sincerely..

This afternoon, went to collect MILK Run goodie pack and my number tag is 10071. I thought it's $15 i had to pay for instead of $20. I should not complaint la hor.. since it's for charity fund- "to keep the kids in school and out of trouble!" .. make sure ah!

Yesterday, i accompanied kev's mum and granny to KKH for granny's hearing checkup. As usual, waited almost 1hr before we were called into the dr's room. So meantime, did nothing but read newpapers and observed how stupid some parents can be when handling their babies and toddlers..

And so, granny's name was called and 3 of us went in. Spending like 10 secs standing in front of the doc, he like never noticed me! He kept talking ..on and on. in mandarin to my inlaws.. i actually called him.. "hi doctor.. so what ..is all about?" But he chose to ignored me! OMG.. it was like deja vu.. didn't believe that it was happening again. He might have thought that i am their maid!

Then suddenly, all got up and ready to leave the room.. before the nurse asst shut the door, i turned around and told her that, i would appreciate if the doc can talk to me.. cos i need to know what's happening or what not.. pertaining to my granny's hearing problem.. and i am no one else, but their in-law! Do u think i was their maid! She was shocked and apologised.


Think i really look like a filipina maid.. especially right now that i am very tanned after swimming and sun bathing at sentosa last weekend.. and whatmore, i dressed very casually, t-shirt and jeans.. carrying extra bags for my in-laws..very like maid like that.

Long time ago, i was already been mistaken for being a maid, and i actually didn't really mind cos, those people like sales persons, taxi drivers, aunties .. did not ignore me.. however, this time round, i am totally pissed by how professionals .. nurses, doctor and bank officers, didn't even care to acknowledge me, they were like looked down on me.. or should i say .. foreign maids..

this morning went to settle some banking stuff with my in-laws.. but somethings wasn't right so we had to approach the officer for some clarification. Since i am like representing my in-law, i spoke to the officer on their behalf la .. but what did i get from the officer... she didn't entertain me..!

The officer may have thought that i was their filipino maid! Ok, never mind that.. i understood what she said in mandarin and i further reinforced what she had mentioned so that it would not be misunderstood.. and each time she mentioned something to my in law, i paraphrased it.. . yet she did not acknowledge me by looking at me.. there wasn't any eye contact to me and not to mention a return smile with a "you're welcome" after i thanked her with a smile. First i said "thank you", she ignored me.. then just before we left, i turned back and said "thanks" .. jus to test her again ,to see if she return me with,at least a smile ... But hell NO!.. what is this...? this polite "filipino maid" was showing some appreciation though not whole-heartedly after how she excluded me.. but where's the courtesy..? Racist or what! I am only human!!! I got "huiling" (feeling) leh...

Dear lady bank officer, I know i am not the account holder to query and u can speak whatever language u want to.. but don't u know that some pple can speak and understand the language. If it is so confidential, then tell me to get out of that counter.. but no, i was sitting right in front of u, i spoke to u, u looked at me from the corner of ur eyes ..u just do not acknowledge me.. it felt as if i wasn't there! u are damn rude, sister. I may be sensitive..but sure felt that i was not important there. And.. didn't it occur to u that i have a account in yr bank and that i am ur customer too..leh...

play , eat ... sleep!

Me and friends into playing ping pong.. thanks to the people at IMH who make all us to pick up ping pong or what u called the table tennis. If there's nothing better to do but only table tennis... the patients can become very good players.. it reminds me of Forest Gump. Play whole day.. no one to play with.. can still keep on playing against the wall!

Ping pong came into my life when me and kev were having vacation at Bintan Lagoon many years back about +/-5yrs?? We were there during the monsoon season i guess, and it was raining practically every single day~ very heavy rain with strong wind, thinking back it was like tsunami like that.. cos coconut trees went slanted and the giant umbrellas where blown away...

Luckily the resort had some indoor games.. like arcade gaming, snooker and table tennis. So all we did for that 3 days 3 nights was playing table tennis.. At that time, pool or snooker was not a trend yet for both of us. Don't really know how to hold the stick at all, very awkward for me..don't know how to hold long stick to hit small balls .. So table tennis was our only entertainment and we got hooked on it.. Got back home, bought ourselves a set of bats and played for sometime at SRC.

Pingpong is nothing new for kev..Nong nong time ago..he played almost everyday (during his poly years, before i knew him.. ).. but at that time, the movie, Forest Gump, not out yet..

Last Friday... after jogging at MacRitchie with Kev, we joined some friends for pingpong.. Kev said my pingpong skill has improved! Oh..that one must thank the people at IMH..! Kev showed me some tricks too.. while my friends left to play badminton.

And Saturday, we were at Sentosa with his frens.. another fun day under the sun.. but it rained right after we left the beach. Is Coffee Bean food halal? But we ate the salmon stuff.. i see many of their food chains, employ malays as team managers and staff.. so it make me wonder .. Wah.. so tired after out playing whole day.. slept very shiok that night.. best!

Sunday morning.. at my mum's place.. eat! Return home at 3pm.. slept the whole afternoon, got up met up with Kev at CWP.. to eat!


Today, supposed to go play ping pong.. but i got things to do.. Right now, they are all in school to play play play- Gym, ping pong then, badminton, then go eat, eat,eat!

Tonight got driving .. assessment time!

End of hospital posting for Sem 3

The best part of this semester's posting..will the 2 weeks at Institute of Mental Health. It felts similar like the time when i was attached at the Children KK hospital, i felt pity for the unfortunate babies/children where if possible, i would like to bring them home and care for them.. likewise, i felt the same for some of theses mentally illed patients, whom i think some of them may not be mentally ill at all, they have insight of what's happening to them.. It could be due to stress and lack of family support and for some other reasons, bad life experience.. made them to be in such a state.. in the end, some of them were rejected by their very own family members.. & with no savings, no relatives who wants to reach out to help them, and insufficient medisave money.. they got no where to go.. some were on waiting list to be placed at halfway homes/ rehabs. If I have a very big house with garden or what not, i will employ one or two to be my gardener or do my housework.

For those who have home to go back to, not sure how they pass they time. During my stay there, noticed that some came back to IMH, either they re-admit themselves, or just loiter around the hospital. Can't blame them for doing so, as they had no where to go. It's difficult to getback and blend with the society.. so sad.. Maybe, the hospital should make a "club" for them to hang out.. Once they got themselves admitted, problems solved.. there's free food, shelter and lonely no more. And best of all, high chances, they get to meet up with some familiar faces in the same ward. It's like bonding time!

At first i was so afraid of every one of them.. they all looked like crooks .. but as days gone by, i got to know and understand each of them better... I see them as a person, not one with an illness... Well of cos, some of them, i need to be careful in case of sudden behavioural outburst as they can be very violent too. We were told not to be a hero.. save ourselves first.. run away and inform the nurse, should anything about to occur.

Really miss some of them jus like how i missed those poor newborns at KKH. HOpe they are all safe and well cared for.

Driving made fun...

Right now.. i'm at stage 3. i'm done with the s-course, vertical parking, up the ramp, U-turn .. and tomorrow it will be parrallel parking.. very exciting..! Booked my pracs for the whole of this week, daily and next week too, and should be able to complete all practical lessons by next week.. and after that, will be going through all the test routes. No repeated practical lesson.. i progress from one lesson/subject to another.. total number of practical days i gone through to-date: 16 (completed 24lessons/subjects). I am left with 3 lessons/subject for stage 3. Basically i will be done by then.. Finally, stage 4 are left for test routes assessments.

My only problem now is that I have not cleared my Final Theory Test.
Done trial test last Sunday, scored 47/50.. phew! never attended a single theory class which Kev already paid for me for the package.. So relieved..I immediately register for the FTT. The earliest test date is on the 11 Jul at 1630hrs. I have not gotten my next semester's time table.. if there's a lesson on that same date and time.. i'm afraid that i have to "ponteng" (skip) class for this very important theory test.. I got a feeling that i am going to "sangkut" (stuck) on the theory.. oh pls no! This one i Die-Die must pass!

So far, I am very happy with all the driving instructors.. among all, CAR #75,80, 86 ..best of the best! If i want relaxing, cool driving and talk only when necessary - choose #86, if i need constant reminders and hints on driving test routes, rules and regulations.. choose #75, but if i want mixed of what i need from 86 and 75, i will go for 80!

Yep.. I did thought of having a fixed instructor.. but then, it might get a bit boring too.. every time see the same person. i have not encountered any nasty instructor and so far, they gave me good impression.. i feel safe on the road.. I don't feel stressed at all..Maybe cos it's auto car .. easier than manual.. feel at ease while driving and able to chit-chat somemore. Instructions were made clear and simple.. and above all, patience they have.. All of them have made my driving fun.

After doing some challenging task like directional change and parking.. how i wish i could just stepped out of the car each time i complete the task successfully.. to jump for joy! But I can't do that ya.. so in the car...all i did was clapped my hands.. "yeah!" .. BIG Smile! Thumbs Up..

My excited mood will not end till i get to tell Kevin how my driving practical for that day went.. Thank you .. i am enjouying it and u are loveD.. hehe

one of my classmate who is a couple of yrs senior than me, said that he was admitted for GI bleeding sometime during the exam week .. all becos of drinking too much coffee.

better cut down on drinking coffee.. but no coffee no shiok leh...

Tomorrow, i am going for my 2nd driving lesson.. so looking forward to it. On my first day, Kevin accompanied me to the driving centre and he helped me find the car. He waited till the instructor came.

It was like my first day at kindergarten. My hands were cold and I actually cried when walking towards the carpark to get to the car. I wish Kevin could sit in the car with me. I didn't want to be alone with the instructor. I was afraid that i would do stupid things that would make the instructor angry. Afraid that i would be labelled as one.. and it would jus be a bad experience for me and would not want to come again...

Kevin kept telling me not to worry... it's simple and easy.. and my friends also said the same thing.. somemore can say "close eyes also can drive.. "

in the end, it was fun.. I learn how to turn.. and drove round and round, make sure i keep to my lane.. ah .. easy la.. no problem.. feels like Initial D liao.. drive round and round non-stop. Well of cos la.. easy.. I chose to learn to drive Automatic car!

Won't be having anything special after driving lesson since Kevin will be having his evening class. But, he had it all planned out, to celebrate this Saturday evening.

Let's jus see where my feet will take me ............

Thank u for the Cheeze Cake

Good friends, Isabel and Shiken, planned an advance birthday lunch treat at Magic Wok this afternoon before work. Thank you, thank u.. very touched... and the Starbuck's cheese cake (forgotten the name.. it has blueberries on top) Very yummy!

The first thing when we met .. there was this sigh of relieve...especially the look on Shiken's face.. foohyuuh... let's eat and be merry...! We did some reflection.. and i finally told them why i was unable to join any one of them to study during the study/exam week.. Yes, it was tough though but.. do u remember, we did discussed exam topics over the phone on the night before the exam, and telling each other how much more topics had not been covered and having to fall sick during that period..been slacking and what not. After knowing how much u guys suffer too, I believed that i was not that worst off la..it somehow gave me some kind of comfort that i was not all alone, struggling for the exam..and i thank both of u for that.

I made it through Sem 3.. ,

didn't take that short nap.. watched tv to pass the time and finally.. i got my results.

the subject i feared of failing, behavior modification + abnornal psychology , it turned out to be a D. Phew! The rest was average. What's not expected was Mental Health, which i did not expect it to turn out to be a B. And as for Bio, got a B. Very happy with the results.. Alhamdullillah.

this semester's paper, although tips were generously given , with the marking standards increased.. personally i would say that it's quite a challenge, for I actually did not spent that much time studying as compared to those times i used to prepare for past exams.

Well..., if not for the tips, i may not have done this well too. I may have flopped. So here, i thank my tutors for that and of cos, thank god for keeping me healthy and focused. i thank my friends for being there for me in times when i need to let go my frustrations and all.. and thanks to all those who sms-ed me " good luck" on every morning before i sat for my exams. Thanks for all the blessings.

to "A"- u deserve that grade for Reseach Method.. u are the key person who did all that presentations.. and i want to thank u for that. I am glad that our group had sort out of differences and understood each other so well.. i don't see any problem in our coming projects for next semester. We can prove to all that we are not the losing team. We can make it one.. jus wait and see! The return for Grp 2. Muahahaha!

to my study partner, L : thank u for the company. we know when to eat, talk and study and we helped each other alot in many ways .... we shall keep it that way.. and let JE library be our fix study hangout.. thanks for everything.. u are a great study companion.

to "J" .. i think i nag alot and u treated me like big sister but .. actually i feel old.. But it's ok bro... so long as i did my part to help u along during the exams.

Congratulations to all my friends..!

and to "C" : There's no regrets or watsoever,.. we are glad to be of help to you, in getting about ur daily activities.. we may not be that professional (thank u for having trust in us), but we definitely learn something here. We are able to keep our minds focused and having no signs of stress what-so-ever, able to cope and juggle 2 very important tasks together at the same time.

This semester has something for me to remember always. Peace!

Exam results

Sem 3 exams results will be released by midnight later.. Everyone is so excited about it. A few days ago, i smsed theresa to know if any one has to sit for supp paper. And her reply was "Yes". Oh dear.. i think i am one of the few. I hate MCQs.. and the paper which i have no confidence at all is the combined paper for Abnormal Psychology and Behaviour Modification. Though i started revising far too early for these two subjucts, I did not feel good about the paper. There were rumours that everyone cleared Bioscience and Mental Health. Med Surg sure everyone pass one.. So what is left unsure is Psychology. So confirm... I sure fail one, and so i thought..

However, this afternoon, A smsed to say that there's no supp for psycho but, instead it's Bio! Cannot be ba...! If, this is really true.. then i can relax liao.

Tried my luck logged in to the student e-services .. to view results.
Instead, supplementary paper subjects and time-table was already out.. and so it's confirmed.. Bio supp... which means i may have passed my psycho, unless there's some changes.. and alter later.. I hope not.. please.. NO supp of me and all my friends.

I am tired and sleepy... though i didn't do anything much today except for the short run fr fullerton to stadium, jogging with the BIg Walkers.. and after that.. an afternoon eca . Wow.. ok.. a lot of energy used liao.. ZZzzzzzzzzzzZzzz

Can Make it One!

 



Preparation for the coming is ongoing so-so... started too early till the mood to study gone liao... Somemore, me and L, agreed to undertake a project to "baby sit" someone who "cannot make it"... hehehe... No stress.. very glad to help out . Kept saying that he is disabled ... Me and L, believe that "this- able" someone "can make it"! Cia yo.. Speedy Recovery ... !!

New thing to me but not to others i guess ...Japanese Animae- "Bleach"!! Me and Kev was at one the comic cum gaming shop at AMK, and saw this animae.. i told him about it.. and guess what.. hahahaha... he had it all in just 2 nights.. Wah..my sayang .. can make it one!!!

I am going to watch it right after Exams! I have seen the intro, part 1, 2 and I'm loving it already... especially the songs... "so motivating.."

Last night Kev can't sleep.. but i was damn tired..my eyes cannot open.. too tired from reading my bio notes.. and hahaha.. for the very first time, i talk in my sleep. It used to be him but this time round it's me.. And he can entertained me somemore.. by asking questions but by that time, i was half conscious.. hehe. In my sleep, Kev said that i mentioned something about preparing a report. What report i wonder... hmmm.. had it got to do with hospital/ ward reports?

Was studying at JE library since 10 am till 7pm tdy, supposed to study till 8, but Kev decided to go out after doing his assignment! Yeah.. i am going out.. very happy!! What else ...midnight movie at our fav, Orchard Cineleisure.. 

 

That's J , my clinical instructor.. she's a natural. All of us really like her. She made our stay at the ward meaningful. Thank you.. We can never forget u... U are the Best!

Don't know what to start off with .. after so long have not been logging in.

I will be finishing my course soon.. and by next year this time, i will be a registered nurse, taking the role of staff nurse. I must decide what discipline i want to pursue .. this 3 weeks' attachment, i was assigned to ortho ward.. and i kinda enjoying it.. very interesting.. not too routine as compared to medical ward. Learn a lot in this ward.. thanks to the clinical instructor, J. She's been with the hospital for 13 years and still serving bond.. her speciality- surgical/ortho. She's great.. should have been around during our very first attachment.. J expressed that she never regret being a nurse but slightly disappointed with the management.. well i can understand why.. but everywhere could be the same too.. got to adjust ourselves to the environment since we can't change it.

Exam week starts from next friday and throughout the following week. Started revision already but don't seemed to remember what I have studied. So much to digest.. i hope i can cope with my revision given such limited time.

Kevin's back to do 12hr shift.. and this month- night shift. I am alone again...
Hate coming home to find no one at home. But, of cos.. i got my cats to welcome me..but it's not the same. Kev will return home tomorrow morning, then i will leave for work, then he leaves in the evening.. and we'll see each other again the following morning... feels so miserable.. :(
Just now at 9pm, supposed to sign off from work.. i don't feel the urgency to go home.. I left 15 mins later.. walked slowly.. no rush... send sms to Kev telling him that i'm heading home. Kept checking my mobile for his replies.. but nope.. don't have.. he must be busy..

I hope he does not have to work shift for long..

I can't put myself to sleep.. it's almost 2am now.. the TV was on since the time i stepped into the house.. lights too .. grabbed my laptop from the living room and since then, I did not leave my bedroom ...have not got a sip of drink since i stepped into the house. I am not me at all.. too quiet, didn't open my mouth, except for the long awaited phonecall from Kev at 11pm earlier.. spoke for less than 4mins after that.. my mouth is shut and this could be the reason why i decided to blog my heart out.

X'mas Day -UltraMarathon 2005

Though it was raining quite heavily, it didn't stop me from doing the UltraMarathon once again. I finished in 10hr 1min 43sec for completing the total distance of 52.5km. Last year I took almost close to 12 hrs. I intended to do 6 laps but then, decided to stop at 5 as i could not carry on any further. Plus, my mind was not at ease, kept thinking of my nephew.

I called him the night before, if he was interested to participate. He was so excited and even got his 2-friends and a cousin to join in.

Luqman did his 1st 2laps too fast and on the 3rd, I managed to catch up with him at the 6km mark and we ended up walking back to the starting point. He was complaining of pain, and had a slight headache. Had advised him earlier to take his time, but he was too ambitious to finish the race before 5pm. He overworked himself and couldn't carry on with the 5th. As for the rest of the kids, they left after running the 1st round.

After completing the 4th lap, his dad took him to NUH. He was being observed for that day and was put on IV drip and was given an injection for his pain. Doctor said it due was heat exhaustion and he was obviously dehyrated.

I was partly to be blamed for his condition. Knowing that he did not train for this event and ignoring his pain when he expressed it again while we were taking our break. I insisted that he should just continue by walking the final 2 laps since he still got lots of time.

I should have listened to him because he was already listening to his body. And yet,i left him to walk alone while i continued with mine. Now i feel so bad. This is the problem when you think u have full confidence in thatthe other person, when u actually do not know or choose to ignore what was happening to him.. his mental and health status, his limitations.

I should have known better. I was taught to acknowledge pain. Pain is the 5th vital signs which should not be ignored. Really .. I am to be blamed for all this. Spoken to his dad, but not to his mum yet, who is my sis-in-law. Surely, she is mad at me. While she was there, she saw her son in pain and wanted him to stop, but we refused to listen to her.. "she knows her son better..." I have not spoken to her since...

I only got to know that he went to NUH when i called his dad the next morning.. why didn't they call me that same day/night to tell me about their son?

Think i better pick up that phone, talk to his mum right now.. or latest by tonight.

poor service

My grandpa-in law had an op for peptic ulcer. Hospitalised for about 8days, left the hospital with an open wound, about 30cm lengthwise, 2cm gap-, the HD ward staff had the STO done earlier than it was schduled. And they had arranged for the Home Nursing Foundation Missy to attend to his wound. Secondly, he was discharged with bad excoration on his sacral areas. Thirdly, don't understand why he was discharged early while he was on feeds.

Went back to the ward, unable to get the doctor in charge, i discussed my concerns, indirectly complaining, with the Sister and the staff nurse, and these was what i got ..they nicely explained that they knew about the wound and was quite surprised why it was taken out earlier, as for the excoration, they blamed the HD nursing staff. In the end, they said all i have to do is clean the wound and it will be ok and for the excoration, to make sure to do turning on regular intervals...Oh, pls... tell me something i don't know! and knowing that, that was not enough, they gave me a Comfeel powder to heal the sacral areas..to make me feel happy...Ceh!

sometimes i feel that they do not bother with student nurses. Have they forgotten that i can also raise a complaint.. and give the ward some recovery work ...hmmm,

and even at the pharmacy, i was in my uniform and the pharmacist was so unfriendly and so unhelpful when i require assistance..

Overall, I feel that, if i want to complaint, its should be directed to the doctors first, as they did not even call to talk to any of us post operatively and upon discharge. They did not give simple information as to his estimated hospital stay and condition, whether stable or not, about his wound, etc. Not knowing much about his condition, we were all not ready for his early discharge.

Bullied by a 7-yr old

It was like hell in ward X6. Can't wait to end this posting. Though they can be cute and adorable and pitiful.. i don't know how to care for the children in the peadiatrics medical ward. They are as young in theire weeks old to up to 16yrs old.

In my ward cubicle, only one little 7yr old boy whom i couldn't handle.. he bullied me.. took my hand , pulled me here and there.. turned me around and twisted my hand ..so very hard. It's like he doesn't know what pain is all about! I wanted to scream and scold him on the spot..all i did was smile and try talk nicely to him cos there were parents and caregivers all over the ward! I can't stand him.. i hope he will be discharge anytime this week, best still, today.. i hate this kid! I would rather work in a childcare than in here. It's helllll for the rest of my 10 day in this ward! Now i appreciate Tan Tock Seng Hospital!

There's this 2-yr old boy- with big big eyes.. he is the best! Easy kid, smart and independent.. unfortunately, i heard from other caregivers that, his parents were never or seldom seen in the ward. Young parents i guess. So sad.. why is it that it is always the case.. i hope his parents can see that they have a wonderful baby boy and to appreciate what they've got.

He's admitted for asthma. I was not familiar on how to adminster his medication.. he took the inhaler and spacer from my hands, and with his gestures, he demonstrated on how to use it. He caught the attention of the other student nurses around me.. and we were amazed! Among other things, he can feed himself, play by himself, sleep when told to do so.. and seemed to understand whatever we're saying to him. "Gimme this kid.. i take"

2 weeks Peadiatrics Posting at KK Hospital

Ok.. i am not looking forward to this posting at all.. anything got to do with KK Hospital, I am totally not interested. Why? Cos, it involves mums-to-be, newborns and children. To some extent , it gives me some pressure.

I will be asked of the same old questions again and again. It's like Chinese New Year.. when relatives asked why we don't have children or when or aren't we going to have any. Oooo.. u know having one is a must... well of cos i would like to have one... why ask me? wonder if the men got questioned too.. ? InFertililty or not ... I think such questions should not be asked.. they must stop questioning childless couple.. it can be very sensitive to some, for some may not have the answer for it.. or some wants it to be confidential... or some just don't like to talk about it .. i just feel that it's quite insensitive of those who asked.

I hope I won't breakdown when i see sad cases.. I hope i don't need to help any social workers to translate in malay.. i will get affected by their family affairs and child's condition. I hope i don't get too emotionally attached to any of the children so that i can leave the ward without having to think too much about their illness and how they gonna to cope...

Going to take a short nap now.. my shift starts at 1pm, ends at 9pm.

I wish I could skip this posting... it's gonna be a long day..

Home Nursing experience

Last week's 3 days attachment with Home Nursing was fun. Travelling by foot from Newton to St.Micheals to Towner to Whompoa.. phew.. i can't exactly remember the places.. it was all totally new to me.. places where i never been to. We then, understood why we need to bring umbrella. I am a little bit tanned now.

Together with me were my classmate, Poh Yen and Group 7's, Yee Hong. We tagged with 2 staff nurses.. SN Yeo and SN Crystal. They were fantastic. We were given chance to practice insert Naso-gastric tube, urinary catherization and wound cleaning. Most of the patients are diabetic with cavity wound on their foot and some already gone to gangrene stage, the wounds were big and some smells too..one lady do not want to amputate.. she said she would rather die. Most of the older patients have bed sores.
oh... i do not want to grow old suffer like this..

We can tell how well these patients are taken care of, by their maids or family members by assessing the way they maintain their home. It does not mean that living in a condo, the best care is given to the sick elderly..
I observed that the ones living in 2/3 room flat, takes pride in caring for their loved ones eventhough they have limited means of living.. Nothing else matters to the caregivers or people at home.. what matters most are caring for the sick elderly.. they really go all out- they placed the hospital bed in the living room and that took up a half of the place.. and not to exclude, the things they need by the bedside.. salute to them all. This is what i call, patient-care centred.

In this posting,we got an emergency call to attend to a male patient whose penis bleed, traumatised by the no of times,where the other incontinence-trained nurse, had tried to insert the urinary catheter into him. So we went even though, our staff nurse is not trained to do that. That trained nurse had used up 3 catheter set and we do not carry one at all. So, we had to go to another patient's house to borrow one.

By the time we were there, it stopped bleeding and his maid took good care of his penis. The man was about 60 plus and uncommunicative. His private part was so clean and we really had to say to the maid what a good job she has done for cleaning up the mess. Amazingly the SN finished the job, with confidence ...and the 3 of us just look at it.. I thought we need to hold the penis for about a few minutes for the lignocant to take effect. I was like counting away... but in about 20 secs, the SN inserted the 16F tube into the meatus. When we left the place, three of us couldn't hide our expression, though embarrassed, but finally all of us got to say this " the maid cleaned the head of the penis till it shines! " We laughed, continued with our next mission- to insert an NG tube, the patient pulled it out when we had just inserted it that same morning. The maid did not restraint him... we were so tired, the weather was so hot.. but we are happy with what had been accomplished at the end of the day.

I feel that 3 days of home nursing posting is not enough. Home nursing care gave us confident and it was an eye opener- to be able to be see how people, rich or poor, care for the sick at home.

SHS Attachment

We were at the School of Health Service for 2 days from 8-9th Nov. The best part about this attachment was having the chance to work closely with some of the nursing students from other groups.. and getting to know some better.






Didn't exactly enjoy the attachment for one reason or because of someone who actually pissed me off. One particular person boiled me up. Can never and will never want to understand him. He's such a mummy boy who has no guts to come up to me to tell me his concerns, but instead told the whole whole...

I suggested that he should just be one of the debaters since we did discussed about the topic and i was confident that he could do it.. for a man, jus stand up and do it, no big deal.. he can talk .. and he talks loud and big too.. so that we don't have to re-ballot to find another speaker.. but of cos if he don't want to.. he can jus tell me.. but why must broadcast! Not happy, say lah.. brother!

The following day.. i gave him no face at all, infront of others, clarified the issue that i did not arrow him ( though.. i know others may jus want to tekan him), explained to him the reason why i chose him.. but then, i gave him a disgusted look, really couldn't stand him...told him that i have over-estimated him and he is such a coward, i must say! And guess what.. i heard that he was going to complaint to the SHS facilitators.. uhhh what a joke! Eh..Mr Missy .. who cares la..! '

I didn't want to be mean to u but u pissed me off too! I have heard some unacceptable yet funny working attitude of yours and the way your classmates treated u, but yet I have always been nice to u . I guess u must be very suprised now that you know how mean i can actually be. After that incident, U will never get to see the nice side me... I will treat u like a child instead, since u acted like one. I don't care or mind if u hate me.. sometimes i feel like i want to shake u up and make u realise the things that u do, did and done were so uncalled for.. and to realised that there are a whole bunch of people who couldn't stand the sight of u. I thought i could be one of ur few friends whom u can approach to if u need a fren to talk but, too bad.. now i can't stand the sight of u too. Aiyoh.. why do i bother too much about all this...!!! Maybe i pity u..

U know some pple say that why be mean to u.. the whole world already against u.. don't be like that la.. but u know, who cares ! Actually we are doing u good .. better to tekan u now, rather than u kena from the sisters and senior nurses in the ward.. but anyhow.. anyway.. who cares!

All i have to say to u : "u are no gentleman, damn coward, sissy missy.. sorry, but that's u!"

2005 Hari Raya Puasa

This Hari Raya marked the last day of my exams. A tough, tiring month.. having to fast and posted to hospitals. But the toughest was having to study for exams at Mac Donalds.. so challenging! But most of the time ..i felt sleepy.. Well it's all over now and back to normal.. Posting not over yet till 16 Dec followed by 2 weeks break before the New Year starts. Since the ultra marathon is sometime during my hols, i may consider taking part again.. want to make it to 6 laps this time round.. so better start training. And as for the Singapore Marathon.. hmmmm i'm not going. Maybe will go meet and support the SG runners and M'sian runners.. take photos!

Fasting Starts ..

Alhamdulillah... every goes well tdy. I can still remember some years back, I got asthma attack during the first few days of fasting mth.. the wheezing started on the afternoons around 5pm onwards.. had no choice.. got to take puffs of ventolin.

In fact, last year no more attacks and i even ran in the afternoon before breaking my fast. I think exercising, running and eating right pays off. Today, no signs of breathlessness, no stress. Just tired and sleepy...... have been standing the whole day in the ward..

Tonight must try sleep without Kev.. He's out with his frens.. study marathon at Mac D. Will come back tmr morning. He sa'ur Mac Donalds while I still cannot decide what to cook later.. Just now we break-fast with Mee Rebus and Chicken Rice. I didn't eat much and i don't even feel hungry, no appetite actually.. all i want to do is sleep now..

some old photos...

I think i was 9 or 10 years old.. Sports day at the old Dover Statium. Guess the name of my primary school i went to?
Hint: Green colour uniform around Dover/Holland area.

End-of-Begining of Life

Today i feel so down and lost. Been wondering what's been happening to our community. Some pple jus find an easy way out to a solution, when others are finding it very difficult and stressful to get to where those pple are at.

When i heard and best still read cases where some women successfully gave birth to a healthy newborn at their late 30s or even at 40s, especially 1st child after trying for at least 10 years.. it brings on a smile and hope..

This morning and for the rest of this week, I'll be stationed in a "better" class ward-with "better-imaged" patients. They all looked so educated,holding good jobs and have supportive partners by their bedsides, but yet.. what a disappointment..:(

For whatever reason bro.."if u dare to do it,then be responsible" .. these words kept playing in my mind. But, i guess it all boils down to "face".

If i am a mother of a girl-teenager or in her early 20s, i might agree to "it". But if i have a son who did wrong to the girl, I have to face it and be responsible for it..i will not want the "girlfriend" to go through the pain for what my son has done. (But of cos, that depends on the girl's decision to keep or not to keep).

Wow! really tough leh.. but of cos i hope none of this would happen in my lifetime.

So..how..

I ever said that if i ever have a child i want it to be a "boy". if he is naughty, it's still ok.. cos he is a boy. boys can be naughty but not girls..
but when it comes to undesireable situation, i would rather have a girl cos' i would then have the "say" to my daughter's life.

Ah.. so difficult...

Special baby

When i was posted at TTSH last semester, my uniform and me myself smell of urine and shit after i finised my shift. But now, i got the newborn baby's smell and the mummy's smell...mostly i smell of blood all over, around me.. everything and everywhere i go.. i can smell blood.

1 week at KKH was hell... from day 1, though i was excited to go to this new place and after so long never wear nurse uniform which i had it alter 1-inch less on both sides, I was not really that excited or anxious to care for the woman, babies or children there.. not that i don't like them.. it's just that i don't know how to handle babies, they were like soft beancurd.. knowing me.. very rough, kang-kor and careless.. i am so afraid i would hurt them. Even the midwives can see that i am not natural in holding the babies to bottle-feeding them.. Whatmore bathing them.. i perspire bathing them.. the baby cried from the begining till the end. I am really not into baby stuff... and about the mummies... ah.. some are difficult to please. Mood swing i guess.. they don't look happy or excited at all before and after giving birth.. i wonder why..

I was at class "C" ward and i got to find out a lot of interesting cases. All I hope for is that these new mummies are able to give good meaningful life to their newborns, if u know what i mean. Not many relatives came to visit them, only their close friends.. They are so very young.. and the social workers need to intervene to see to their needs, if needed. So sad..

In the nursery, a lot of baby boys then girls, its like 10 boys : 1 girl.

There's this one baby boy whom i would love to bring home.. because he has big eyes, hairy from head to toe! and cries only when he's hungry.. This particular baby is so special to me and to some of us there.. "strict handwashing" required for this special baby.. and so he is parked away from the rest of the newborns. Felt comfortable handling him and his eyes tells me that he knows what he's doing. It's like as if we connect! He's almost 1 week old and his mum is not around to see him. Baby will only be discharged when he is cured with the "sex-related" infection and be deported to his mum's origin country. Each time i fed him, i kept telling him him to drink as much as he can while he's in here.. and he is indeed the champion drinker in the nursery.. he finishes the whole bottle -90mls. Yesterday was the last day i see him. I will be going to a different ward next week. I miss him already.. he is my idol.. so sad..

i think Dr Yong is very linient with the Prac Test. not difficult at all. but cannot guarantee can score well cos' i got confused with the naming some of the skeletal parts, which i knew but couldn't seemed to focus.. so disappointed..

wilson's group's presentation on Empty Nest Syndrome - Mid-Adulthood, was really great! totally refreshing... thumbs up!

Next week will be my group's presentation on elderly and then followed by a debate on end-of-life.. feeling a bit stress now.. got less than 5 days to do..my group have not meet up for discussion and have not done much research... die la.. cannot make it!

Last Sunday's 12km SBR ...

decided to participate, so signed up late Saturday nite - non competative cat.

but it was my worst run ever... since it non-competative.. i didn't bother abt the time..but that was ok.. what made matters worst was that my "goodfriend" decide to come along while i was running half way... my leg suddenly felt so weak and cannot move on... so it took me so long to reach the finishing line.. it was like 1/2 marathon... cheh...of all the time.. it must come on that very day...

come to think of it.. that's not the first time too. last year's mizuno's run also the same.. infact.. in many occasions, when we plan to go sentosa or set to travel overseas.. my goodfren never fail to join me..

tomorrow's bio prac test and theory on the following day.. stress...
after next week will be posted to either NUH or KK for peds ward..

sad lehhhh..

wrote something late last night but it's all gone.. cos my laptop batt went flat.. hahaha..

can't sleep so decided to read up on some pediatric topics which i thought could be tested... something close to our hearts like asthma, diabetes or any one of the heart disorder. And most of us thought that those disorders that were already presented in class,would be the least likely to be tested.. but we were caught off guard! It was a simple question to a genitourinary disease- Nephrotic Syndrome- 15marks. Cannot recall anything on this except for its pathophysiology and medication. cheh.... habis sure flop.. sad lehhhh..

Got to move on...to BioScience ..

Zanna's baby.. Baby

Spent almost a day at Zanna's house last weekend to help her fix the wireless stuff.. It was Kev who did installing and stuff.. while me and Zanna.. do what women always do..."chit chat"..

Happy Birthday.. Sayang..

Another week passed and I don't know what have I been doing.. Besides revising for my coming pharmacology and clinical test next week. Have yet to prepare for the ethical and law in nursing presentation this coming Thursday. Got so much to do, too little time. However, thank god that my grp members agreed to split the work and everyone take one tutorial presentation. What a relieve!

At one point, I was not really happy with my grps' working style or say, attitude.. well maybe they also don't like mine.. when I reflect back, maybe I was the only one who has been too sensitive and been the odd one out. I might have caused so much inconvenience to all.. and now at this point, i think i blame everything to myself.

Yes.. at times, i can be very so insensitive and would do or say things on purpose, jus to wake them up and want them to have a good look who and what's around them. Not everyone is as fortunate or clever or what not. But then, who am I to them? But that was in the past...

This semester, I see the different side of every single one of my classmates. I can't tell if i have changed too but i see some changes in all of them and that's wonderful. The class is livelier than before.

As for my subgrp, oh.. think we are numb to one anothers' attitude. Previously, we really can't get along and one of us, quit and joined other subgrp. Somehow, this semester, after the last grp discussion..,it feels so much better .. don't know why.. maybe because everyone is showing interest and seriously putting in effort ,appreciating each other's work. I believe that we can do better and outshine the rest.. all we need now is to strengthen our grp dynamics which we have lost it from day one. And i really want that to happen.

No problem sleeping for the past 2 days. Been feeling so tired after the long day in school. Got a lot of things going on in my mind . Got a lot of reading to do to help with my weekly tutorials and presentations. Tests in 2 weeks time and the written assignment due in 3 weeks'. The coming weeks or so will be very tough for me and as well as for Kev too. His exams starts this late September, i think. As for me, after all the test , will be going for hospital attachment - end Sept for 6weeks, followed by 1 week study break to prepare for the 2nd Sem exam sometime before or during the Hari Raya week. Ahhh head ache.. better start planning my stuff now..

The next thing on my mind is fitness. I have not register for the Singapore Marathon. I want to take part. Don't say training.. i have not been taking the running issue seriously at all. I am definitely, not fit for this. But this morning, I saw a quite a mature male student with a 2004 Marathon T-shirt on. So i was thinking.. if he really ran for it, so can I. But on the other hand, i have something else to consider..running = losing weight. Kev wouldn't like it.

While i was sleeping...

Evernight before turning in, i take 1 or 2 puffs of seretide.. Usually 1 puff is enough to make me sleep comfortably. But lately, my nights have been interrupted, woke up gasping for air. It feels something like when u are holding ur breath in the water till u can't take it, & u have to quickly swim up for air. And, I have to coughout only then, I can breathe again. Breathing is very difficult. Shallow and breathing thro' my mouth. It also feels like as if I have stopped breathing while sleeping. Have I forgotten to breathe while sleeping?

This episodes of breathlessness i have been experiencing it for quite sometime but i dismissed the symptoms as I thought it was jus a typical asthmatic symptoms. Since it has been happening quite frequent now, i am a little bit afaid. See if it recur again tonight.

Or is it because i am tired, too active in the day.. and causes my musles to relax? Nope.. not really.. I have not been that hyperactive as compared to last semester.

Yesterday, I complained to my friends that I felt a deep pain at the lower part of my sternum. And today I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my chest. I do not have breathing problems in school,though i felt a bit sleepy because of the interrupted sleep.

How ah... ? Intended to take my blood pressure this afternoon during my clinical lab session but got no chance to do.

Decided to find out something about sleeping disorders and came across "Sleep Apnea". It says:

"In sleep apnea, your breathing stops or gets very shallow while you are sleeping. Each pause typically lasts 10-20 seconds or more. These pauses can occur 20 to 30 times or more an hour.

The most common type of sleep apnea is obstructive sleep apnea. During sleep, enough air cannot flow into your lungs through your mouth and nose even though you try to breathe. When this happens, the amount of oxygen in your blood may drop. Normal breaths then start again with a loud snort or choking sound.

Your sleep is not restful because:
1-These brief episodes of increased airway resistance (and breathing pauses) occur many times
2-You may have many brief drops in your oxygen levels of the blood.
3-You move out of deep sleep and into light sleep several times during the night, resulting in poor sleep quality.

When your sleep is upset throughout the night, you can be very sleepy during the day. "

Oh yes.. i am always complaining of sleepiness while at school..
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"#1: People with sleep apnea often have loud snoring. However, not everyone who snores has sleep apnea. Some people with sleep apnea don't know they snore.

#2: Sleep apnea happens more often in people who are overweight, but even thin people can have it.

#3: Most people don't know they have sleep apnea. They don't know that they are having problems breathing while they are sleeping.
A family member and/or bed partner may notice the signs of sleep apnea first. "
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- #1: I do not snore
- #2: i am not overweight and i am not thin either.. infact, i have gain a bit of weight.
- #3: No complains from Kev.
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some of the many other features associated with Sleep Apnea are:
Associated features may include:

morning headaches
a dry mouth upon awakening
high blood pressure
irritability
change in personality
depression
heartburn
frequent nocturnal urination (nocturia)
nocturnal snorting, gasping, choking (may wake self up)

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Meantime now.. I just have to monitor my nites daily ..but sometime after waking up the next morning, i cannot remember what happened the night before ~
.
Good nite..

Happy B'day, Shiken!

Today is Shiken's birthday. I wish her well and hope that all her wishes come true. Celebrated her b'day last Friday..cos Friday is the only free day for all of us to get together.. Got her a small piece of Cookies and Cream Cake for Gelare and a lunch treat at Magic Wok. We makan, talk and go (me out with kev for movie, Isabel got to go service and Viv had to go home sleep first, then prepare her steamboat for her housewarming ).. that was all we do.. well, of cos got take photo.. but we know that shiken enjoyed this day. Though we didn't get her anything , I made her a b'day card with all our photos in it and we signed our names and pasted some cute-cute stickers- thanks Viv for the stickers!

Eh.. Actually I have already given her an advance b'day present last April.. a 128MB thumb drive.. the day she bought her Acer laptop at Funan. Me now remember..

Lately.. went to see the fireworks like never before.. went to catch it at the Merlion Park first, then for the countdown with my inlaws at a secret park.. not many pple know where it is and so i don't want to say where.. then on N'day at Yishun .. and yesterday at the Esplanade.. a spectacular display! But the Best! was very long time ago about 10 yrs ago. The N'day celebration was held at Marina Promenade. Me and Kev stood right beneath the fireworks display.. and we could smell the smoke and could actually felt the ashes/dust falling from the sky. Simply cannot forget that moment.. it felt special..you know.. I think i might have the picture.. will try to find and scan..  

Also went to the carnival at the Marina South last Saturday, tried that wall climbing thingy but didn't reach the top..no strength and very difficult.. cannot stretch my legs in tight jeans. We have not been to Marina South for so very long time..and the place has changed. I can still remember those times when me and kev, when we were dating.. fly big kite over at the open field. Happy times!

It is not that i don't want to update my blog.. in fact i have it drafted and saved.. it just that by the time i want to post it, it was like too late and very old already.. so forget it la.. anyways..

School's the same..reach school as early as 8am ,spend some quite time alone to do some reading before lesson start at 9 or 10 am. This semester, I am cool.. i gave up being the class leader.. people find me a little bit quiet, less active... not the same CT..and .. some asked why i'm not as cheerful as before.. i jus smiled, i didn't realise that i have changed .. yes a bit quiet..maybe because i was tired..not enuf sleep.. got things in my mind.. maybe..

I have not been running a very long time too! The last long distance i ran was when i recce the running route for the MilkRun which i signed up but didn't turn up cos' i didn't feel well. Will pick up running again when i am ready.. anytime soon..to prepare for the Singapore Marathon. Meantime.. I need to eat more.. i need the energy.

Backdated happenings ..

Let me see... where did I stop or what have i missed?

Oh yeah... i did not go for the MILK Run eventhough i did went to recce the route a couple of days before the event. Since that Sunday's event, I have not been running.. not even the 5km Alive run at West Coast , but I was there. Have been sick for the past 2weeks or so.. blocked nose, coughing but thank god, no asthma.

On that Sunday morning, my grandaunt passed away. Not sure what she died from. She was diabetic. I did visit her at NUH the week before. She couldn't remember me at all. She jus had an amputation done up to left knees - gangrene. She was stable when we last saw her but was then, transfered to the ICU ward the following day.

And jus last Friday, went to Kev's 1st-grandma's funeral. Don't know the cause of death..

Last month, my neighbour's mum died from heart failure and other complications related to Diabetic Mellitus too. She had undergone amputation surgery up to her thigh and 2 days after that, she was gone. And almost a month later, the eldest son died from heart attack.

Better take good care of our health now or suffer so much pain later in life.. or maybe, better still to die young ..

die from what ah... me? Asthma attack... or complications related to respiratory or heart failure.. whatever it is .. right now.. Let's us all live life to the fullest!

World Harmony Run

How come there were no publicity on the World Harmony Run? It should make it known .. like the Racial Harmony Day.. well ... the public need not have to join in for the run but at least knew of the occasion, so when the elite runners ran pass them, while carrying the torch , they can applaud and give support... But not bad... got pple fr KL came down ah... thanks to TLR blog.. i think his name was Max , came down supposedly for Kylie's concert but was cancelled, read TLR's blog and registered for the run...

Kevin ran with me throughout the 1st 4.8km at MacRitchie. I started too fast , and found myself gasping for air in the middle of the run. I had difficulty in breathing, i think my sp 02 level could be lower then 95%. Slow down and took deep breaths. Didn't bring my inhaler that day.

Rested a while at the carpark, while at the meantime. the elite runner continued with rest of the 30km, stopping over at temples, salvation army, mosque and all... I wanted so much to participate, to run together with the elite but I know that I am not up to it.. but still i want to try.. so asked the official for the programme sheet.

We took the bus to Ceylon Sports Club and waited for the runners, and we joined them after that. We did not plan for this extended running .. cos we had plans in the afternoon. But since it's a once a yr thing, why not? Kevin was supportive but i know he was quite worried that i might not be able cope with the runners whose pace was so super duper fast, and mine was like... hai.. super duper silow to the max...

Anyway, i enjoyed the run. Ran short distances, as for the last 10 km, i didn't manage to, gave up at Nicoll Highway. Kevin continued.

Besided Max, got to know a few people. One of them, the only girl runner- 28yr old, Ms Shyuan. Also at MR, made friend with Ms Jelene.. a frequent MR runner.

I am just glad to have done this with Kevin, cos most of the running events are held on Sundays, and he won't be able to make it. Looking forward to next run with Kevin, the Olympic Run, 3.8km, and it will be held on Saturday, 2 July.

The following day, will be the Milk Run.

Then the following day- 4th July, start of new semester!

Father's Day cum Happy Birthday Bapak

Yesterday was Father's Day. After seeing Kevin off for work at the door, I went back to sleep. Wanted to catch up with some beauty sleep and rest after the World Harmony Run the day before... but before I could do that, my dad phoned me up and wanted me to get ready by noon.. going to Sembawang Satay Club to collect the 400 stick of satay he ordered last week.. Hai seh, bapak! I thought the collection time is 1330hr, why so early go? I really need this moment to sleep.... So, we were at the Sembawang Satay Club at 1220hr, obviously the satay were not ready.. as well as most of the stalls were not ready too , even the drink stall not ready.. when i ordered for coffee, they say "air belum masak".. apa saja ....

That's my 2nd brother with our dad. His birthday was on the 15th June, born in yr 1933. Almost every year, eversince he retired, he will invite all for makan-makan at his place. Can't remember what we ate for last year, but i remembered that I bought him a Swenson's ice-cream cake. But, it was all the grandchildren, plus me... who whack the whole cake! He was happy, alright.. and still is..

today i had malay mixed rice + coke for brunch.
malay-mixed rice + red bull for dinner @ 4.30pm.
then, i had macoroni chicken soup + soya bean drink @ 6.30pm.
now don't know what to eat... have jus smsed kev to buy bread.

trying my best to put on weight. let's see how much i weigh by this friday.

Saturday will go for the 4.8km run.. and that will shed some weight again
but not to worry, Sunday's my dad's birthday cum father's day celebrate.. so there's
food and i 'll fill up my tummy ! He told me that he had ordered 400 sticks of satay and fried rice from the satay club.
OMG.. bapak.. why so many sticks of satay! Our family - about less than 25 people.. how to finish all the satay!!!

Cancelled running plans yesterday because I got a terrible back ache the night before. I had this for quite sometime- think it's been 5yrs.. it happens only if i sneezed too hard or having a terrible asthmatic cough. It pulled my back and really hurts so bad- cannot bend down. The pain was quite unbearable on Saturday, when i sat down, i could feel my pelvic area palpitated.

but then, being me.. restless, i went to IKEA yesterday to get a clothes rod hanger, and dropped by Queensway Shopping Centre ... and got a Adidas fuel belt- ceh.. like macam bagus seh..cheap at $19, .. But need do some alteration to the belt.. very loose for my waist- I badly need to gain some more weight!!! I have no waist! no butt! A whole lot gonna be missing!

At max, i used to weigh at 56kg (before the running fever). Then i am happy at 53kg. Now.. i am at a miserable 50kg..

Last week i ordered Longtong and Nasi Campur for lunch! My friends said i am going crazy! Yes, i finished my food. Then i had snacks, mashed potato from 7-11, drink coke at times. But the thing is, i am too tired for dinner. Will cook dinner but eat very little.

This week, Mon to Wed, will be working fr 1pm to 9pm, and the rest of the week, 7am to 3pm. And that will be the end of the semester. Break for 2 weeks, then back to school and all the stress will comeback again.

Need to gain more weight

my nursing uniform looks like a maternity dress. all my pants are loose. seriously not looking good. Need to eat more!!

wrong of u to write this... very childish too.

Received an email kassy kassy ...
don't know who this fella is...
really upset me.. and certainly felt demoralised.


kassy kassy wrote :
This is an email to all of you in the jan cohort. I am disgusted at how some
of our classmates behave in class and during attachment etc. They can act as
though they are angels while scolding the patients behind their back. It's
such a disgusing act by them. Do you all think that its right of them to do
so. Just can't stand them.

Each tutoiral group from ND0405 to ND0407, there are people behaving like
that, some claim to be very nobel in their nursing attachment, while some
who have already reach a certain age yet still act inoncent and act cute,
while the young ones are like idiots, don't know why these people act cute,
act innoncent for what.

Some of you just like to kick up a big fuss for not getting A in project
work and blame each other for the mistakes etc, while some of you think that
you have been working a lot for the project and that the others are nott
doing much, can you all please be fair or not!!! This is a group work, don't
claim credit for yourself only. I am totally disgusted by the way some of
you all behave. Yucks!!!!!

Dear all, nursing is a profession that requires a heart that is willing to
care and sacrifice. If some of you all are doing it for the sake of money or
trying to show off your nobelness then i think you have come to to the wrong
profession. Please, dear classmates, i wish to see our class get united up
and don't be like what we did in semester where we ended up in unhappy
quarrel again. I hope that we can be friends again and no more sabotage
please.

Regards
Sad Nursing student

Dear Kassy,

I don't know why i bother to reply to u. U leave us with no name. U, anyhow say.. and we are clueless as to who are u and exactly at whom are u targeting.. But the way it was written upsetted me and many others too. I wonder if u ever had any working experience or ever worked with people before. What u saw is nothing at all, it happens everywhere. Very normal and common too. But people just choose to ignore as there's nothing which can be done to change one's attitude.

I hope u are not one of my many friends i know at nyp.

What were u thinking before u mass email? U think there's no consequences meh? We can talk and discuss.. or is it u don't have anyone to talk to?

It seemed that u are having problems with ur own group... hey,u are not the only one. there are a few of us still having problems with their own grp dynamics. On this matter, I feel for u cos I, myself did faced problems within my own sub-groups in the last semester, but we had sort things out and will try to work it out for the next sem. Have to put our differences aside. I hope u can sort things out with ur dear classmates.

Before joining the nursing course, alot of things need to be considered as I have to forgo half of my salary. It's not abt money at all.. and so far, when interviewed, i gathered that we joined nursing with different reasons like, to learn new skill, to help the helpless, to contribute to the healthcare industry, to use the skill for missionary work and to become a nursing volunteer and some wanted to go overseas with the skill... and none of it concern money. Why u think the otherwise..?

I think i am the sad one now...

tired and sleepy ... after running abt 10km this afternoon from yishun to woodlands mrt, then continue part 2- ran with kev colleaques at sembawang area. realised i can't run in a group- simply can't keep up with their pace. so i may not want to take part in the 30km World Harmony Run next Saturday.

Eyes really cannot tahan... closing already.. but i need to finish up with my case study -draft copy only but really man.. eyes cannot open.. BUT!!! I want to watch LOST on 5.. how ah.. Eyes closing - want to watch tv but then, need to do sch work - now cannot think.

See Kevin off this morning, went back to bed but can't sleep. Got case study to do but don't have much material to start with. Now i am wondering... what to do? it's almost 8.30am. I am thinking whether i should get ready and visit my parents at Chua Chu Kang- since i have lots of spare time. Leave CCK by 11.30am to report to TTSH by 1pm. Or should i should i go to school library to do some research on my case study? Let's just see how ...

Plan to run at MR again this Sunday, maybe will make it as my routine stuff every Sunday. There'll be a x-ctry event this coming sunday and TLR participating. So most likely, will see him there. Guess, there will be quite a crowd. Hmmmm... Or should i go to Marina Promenade/ Esplanade to run instead ? Take train to City Hall, and start from there, run to to the end of the park and back to the Esplanade- the JP Morgan route. Hmmm.. will think about it.

Oh yeah... I must try to eat more... i shrinking...

Next is, should i register for the World Harmony Run? 4.8km or try the 30km... if cannot tahan, stop along the way..? Have no confidence running in a group of elite runners.. feel very small like that..

Every morning....

Got out of bed to see kevin off to work. Kisses on cheeks, cos have not brust teeth yet- and huggs at the doorstep.. "goodbye sayang.." - before leaving.. Looked and smiled at him, and gosh..he looked so good in his dark blue jersey, jeans and his hair is just perfect, plus the glasses.. very cool. He looked different this morning.. Kept telling him that he's looking "handsome leh today" .. his replies as usual, " I am what.." - ceh! Next time, don't want compliment already.. wait head swell! But no-no.. must say.. i must be the 1st to say.. before anyone can. Eh, can see u smiled and blushed a bit leh... happy ah..

Been listening to F.I.R. and got some of the lyrics in pinyin.. best!

Besides movies, i look forward to joining Kev's and his friends for karaoke! Yah.. they all sing chinese song, mostly.. and i am very ok with that.. that's why i need to have the lyrics in pinyin- so that i can sing too! It seems that i want to be part of anything and everything he does and have.. hehehe.. if not then, how? What about me? Anywayz-I think i got the whole collection of the dvd + cd + vcd for FIR's " I wanna fly". They came in different sort of interesting packages. One thing abt chinese cds.. they are all very worth buying.. stylo-milo packed in a box and got a lot of thing to read one.. but too bad i can't read and understand.. hehehe.

monday blues.. forever

never-liked monday.. bet i am not the only one. If it rains on early monday morning, everything goes slow-mo.. and sure to be late, and common case, see doc for mc. Can never be early on mondays -anyway- be it,rain or shine. another thing is if don't get enuf sleep, or had an unsettled misunderstanding the night before.. really add on to the moody monday blues.. don't like to talk too much on mondays.. but in this line of work- nursing- got no choice.

today, 1st day at orthopedic/surgical ward. to be attached for this 2 weeks. got to submit 1 case study. have identified 1 case of patient diagnosed of peptic ulcer disease (PUD). Will start on it soon. Got to submit by next mid-week, i guess.

Got to know a 1st yr 3-yr dip student, a ceylonese. her father is a gurkha. she hates the place where she is staying- all her life,she grew up there. There's curfew for everyone. the gate will close at 11pm. there's no privacy as there are numbers of cctv fixed. Very unfair i feel.


Saw a banner at MR last sunday - WORLD HARMONY RUN, and tempted to take part. Then, TLR, forwarded the link for info. he will be running 30km. i feel like participating. and quess what?!!! it's on a SATURDAY- which means, Kevin can take part too. now.. how to apply ah?

Reached MR at 0740hr, and hoped to see someone familiar to run with- but don't have. Well, it's ok .. shouldn't complaint- stay home if want to complaint. Anywayz, it felt good to be alone at times- allows me to reflect. But , no point having to think too much about whatever is in this head.. Hai..... actually don't know what to make out of it.... lots of questions going through my mind.. jus don't understand why or what i have done..

No matter what-
i have been there,
i have seen it
there's simply no way and no where to hide..
will continue to do my part..
everything will be alright.. :)

caring for others

The Sister assigned each of us to a cubical ward.. and mine was fr bed 31 to 35.. but because at times, there's nothing much going on at my cubical, i help around in other cubical.

Me, being me.. cannot be still for a sec.. i did a lot of things.. things which i don't even do to my own parents.

The first few days was boring .. don't know the pple around me and not knowing how to care for patient. Simply because, i see most of the staff are not client-friendly.. and there's no smile on their faces. All they do is to take patients' parameters (TPR and bp) hourly, 4 hrly or 6hrly, besides giving medication.. and knowing their diet, diagnosis and what not..Yes.. all these are vital but they all missed out on client-care.

They hardly communicate with the clients (patients). The clients are of diff age range but mostly are old and impaired in physical mobility. They are reluctant to move because of pain. But the staff just don't care. They positioned and move the patient so rough when changing diapers or what not.. it must be very painful cos some of the older ones would yell out " ai si liao" ( want to die already ah). They simply don't feel for these patients. All they care is to get the job done. All these were done behind those screened curtains. The way they handle weak and old, fat or thin patients, was like "elder abuse".

About hygiene.. due to time constraints and lack of manpower, they went bed to bed changing diapers in the morning but did not make an effort to carry out bed bath oral care . Everyday the same thing.. The staff jus carry out their routine chores .. and they are like robots.They got no feelings for their patients . Well maybe, they have other things to do.. with so little time in their hands.

And paper work ..

because of all these...the patients are neglected.